The scene opens to an LFL practice featuring the Tenochtitlan Quetzalcoatl. The ball is hiked, and the quarterback, who may or may not actually be Paige Matthews pulls back and looks for an open receiver.

Suddenly she notices two linemen coming right for her!

She easily avoids a sack by side stepping….

She finds her target…





And snaps off the pass right before a brutal tackle takes her to the turf!

The camera cinematically follows the spiraling ball through the air until it lands in the waiting hands of…


























































EDWARD: “EDWARD IS STRONGEST WARRIOR!”





Edward catches the ball and tucks it tight as he takes off running down the field!

Only…


The wrong way!!!

Edward smashes teammate after teammate on his way to the (wrong) endzone!

Finally, Edward makes steps into the endzone and spikes the ball with a big goofy grin.

EDWARD: “EDWARD BEST AT FOOTBALL TOO!”

The camera pans over the carnage left in Edwards wake as Tenochtitlan Quetzalcoatl players that were taken out by Edward lay on the field groaning in pain.

Suddenly…

Vinnie Lane: “Dude, have a Snickers.”

Says Vinnie Lane as he reaches out to offer the caveman like reciever a delicious Snickers candy bar.

Edward takes the candy bar as sniffs it, confused, almost like he has no idea what it actually is. Finally, he looks to Vinnie with that same look of confusion.

EDWARD: “WHY”

Vinnie Lane: “Cause dude, you’re just not yourself when you’re hungry.”

Edward shrugs and bites into the Snickers bar, wrapper and all.

Then, with a poof of smoke Edward is transformed into…





Vinnie Lane: “Feel better?”

VV nods as she finishes chewing with a closed smile.

Vita Valenteen: ”Thanks coach!”


HUNGRY?

WHY WAIT?


Shortly after filming wrapped on the preceding commercial.


We open on set, where we find Lord Thurston caught in some sort of argument with the director.

Lord Thurston: “I’m simply stating that I think it would make more sense if we had the girl turn into Edward AFTER eating the candy bar.”

Director: “That would be a fun idea sure, but that’s not what we were asked to film.”

Lord Thurston: “Let me ask you good sir, would you rather consume something that turns you into a nearly unstoppable beast, or one that turned you into that?”

Lord Thurston covertly motions towards VV who is standing at the catering table behind them conversing with Edward.

Director: “So my choices are a star or a shaved ape? The star, of course.”

This response infuriates Lord Thurston. As he chases after the director in an effort to further plead his case, the camera focuses instead on the conversation taking place between Edward and VV.

EDWARD: “EDWARD STILL NOT UNDERSTAND! WHY GIRL FIGHT WITH MEN?”

VV laughs it off because EDWARD.

VV: “Things are different here Edward. Here, women are given the same opportunities as men.”

EDWARD: “BUT WOMAN NOT STRONG LIKE MEN. THAT WHY WOMEN NOT WARRIORS.”

Again, she laughs it off, though you can tell that his comments don’t exactly sit well with her.

VV: “I don’t know about all that, I’ve seen plenty of women defeat “strong warriors” in the XWF.”

EDWARD: “THEY NOT STRONG WARRIOR THEN! EDWARD NEVER LOSE TO WOMAN!”

VV: “Have you even faced any female competitors yet Edward?”

EDWARD: “NO, EDWARD STRONG, EDWARD NOT ASKED TO FIGHT WEAK WOMEN!”

VV again laughs it off, but this time fires back with.

VV: “How about we talk to Vinnie and see if we can’t change that?”

EDWARD: “YOU TELL VINNIE EDWARD NOT STRONG!?!”

VV: “No, not at all. I’m just saying, how about we see if we can’t get a match set up between the two of us? Maybe I can change your opinion on female “warriors”?”

Edward pauses to consider VV’s proposal. Deep in thought, he begins to rub his chin. Suddenly, Edward fires off with a sucker punch that thankfully lands on VV’s shoulder and not somewhere where it could have done any real damage to the 24/7 case holder. The blow is still thunderous however, and totally knocks VV off balance and causes her to fall back into the catering table.

VV: “HEY! What the heck Edward!?!”

Edward smiles wide as he’s very proud of himself.

EDWARD: “SEE, EDWARD TOLD YOU WOMAN NOT AS STRONG AS EDWARD!”

VV: “Because you sucker punched me out of nowhere!?!”

She says as she rubs her shoulder.

EDWARD: “BECAUSE ONE HIT FROM EDWARD ALMOST KILL WOMAN, AND EDWARD NOT EVEN TRY TO HIT THAT HARD.”

VV: “You hit me pretty frickin’ hard actually!”

EDWARD: “THAT JUST PROVEN EDWARD RIGHT!”

VV: “Okay...”

VV says as she reaches over slides a folding chair over towards her.

EDWARD: “HAHA EDWARD HURT GIRL SO BAD SHE NEED TO SIT DOWN!”

Edward doubles over laughing in an exaggerated way. Unfortunately for him, he doesn’t even notice as VV gets a running start and flies at him with “Eat Da Feet”! By the time Edward realizes what VV is up to, it’s too late! VV jumps off of the chair and kicks Edward right in his big mouth, causing him to fall back and roll into a full flip. Edward looks up from the ground angry, but that quickly gives way to a bloody smile.

EDWARD: “EDWARD LIKE YOU!”

Not exactly the reaction VV expected, which causes her to laugh in relief as Edward rolls over and sits up on the floor.

VV: “So now do you believe that women can be “warriors” too?”

EDWARD: “EDWARD ADMIT MAYBE WOMEN NOT AS WEAK AS EDWARD THOUGHT, BUT EDWARD STILL CRUSH YOU IF EDWARD WANT TO.”

Also not the response that she was hoping for, but it’s whatever right? I mean, it’s Edward, and he’s not the brightest. Plus, despite it all, VV finds his ignorance to be almost charming.

VV: “Never change Edward!”

She says sarcastically with a chuckle and shaking of the head.

EDWARD: “LORD THURSTON MAKE EDWARD CHANGE EVERY NIGHT BEFORE BED.”

Lord Thurston: “Edward, what are you doing? Get yourself up from there!”

Thurston obviously walks into the scene. VV turns to face him, ready to defend Edward.

VV: “How about you chill out, we were just chatting!”

Lord Thurston: “Edward doesn’t have time to waste “chatting” with the likes of you. We have a match to prepare for! Now follow me Edward, we’re leaving!”

VV gives a sympathetic look to Edward as he sulks after Lord Thurston. She can’t help but wonder why such a “strong warrior” would put up with such abuse from the likes of someone like Lord Thurston, but it’s not her place to get involved, so she doesn’t and Edward follows Thurston to a waiting limousine and they leave.

Lord Thurston: “Edward my dear boy, do you realize the opportunity that we have been presented with at War Games?”

Edward “thinks” really hard, but comes up with nothing more than a shrug.

Lord Thurston: “It’s quite alright, if you were capable of developing a long term strategy, then what use would I be?”

He says before reaching into his briefcase and pulling out a few 8x10 photos.

Lord Thurston: “We have been presented with an opportunity to change the course of your career. A good showing from you at War Games could be just what we need to get you into the title picture. So it is of the utmost importance that we not squander this opportunity. Do you understand?”

Edward once again gives Lord Thurston’s words some thought and responds with a nod.

Lord Thurston: “Very good my boy, very good! Now, while I have no doubt that you are more than capable of besting everyone involved in this match, I feel it best to go over each of your opponents and have you explain to me just how you would deal with them if you were to find yourself engaged. Let’s start with this one.”

Lord Thurston holds up the first picture of Big D as if it were a flash card.

EDWARD: “THIS ONE EASY. EDWARD JUST CRUSH BIG D LIKE BEFORE!”

Lord Thurston: “I’m afraid I’ll need you to elaborate my boy.”

EDWARD: “HUH?”

He says with a look of confusion.

Lord Thurston: *sigh* “Tell me exactly how you can neutralize Big D…”

EDWARD: “OH, BIG D SOFT. HE NOT HAVE BODY OF WARRIOR. ALL EDWARD DO IS MAKE HIM TIRED THEN SMASH HIS HEAD IN.”

Lord Thurston: “That may have worked before, but it’s been a while since the two of you met in the ring. What if Big D has gotten back into shape? I hear he’s been doing quite well lately, even picking up a win over your girlfriend back there.”

EDWARD: “HE STILL WEAK WARRIOR. EDWARD FACE MANY WARRIOR AND EDWARD KNOW WHEN THEY STRONG. BIG D NOT STRONG.”

Lord Thurston: “Very well then. What about this one?”

He holds up a picture of Rain.

EDWARD: “HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA!”

Lord Thurston doesn’t seem too impressed by Edwards apparent lack of seriousness in the situation.

Lord Thurston: “Excuse me?”

Edward, realizing that he is upsetting Lord Thurston, quickly straightens up.

EDWARD: “EDWARD JUST WAIT FOR HIM TO TRY STEAL ALL ATTENTION AND THEN EDWARD STRIKE WITH NEW FINISHING MOVE.”

Lord Thurston: “Wait, what new finishing move?”

EDWARD: “EDWARD WATCH OLD TAPES LIKE YOU SAID AND EDWARD SAW MOVE THAT CAUGHT EYE.”

Lord Thurston: “Okay, what move?”

EDWARD: “EDWARD CALL IT KAKAMULU’S WILL.”

Lord Thurston: “Okay, but what IS the move Edward?

EDWARD: “YOU SPIN AND HIT OTHER WARRIOR IN NECK WITH THIS PART OF ARM.”

Edward points to the bend of his elbow.

Lord Thurston: “Oh, a discus clothesline.”

EDWARD: “NO, KAKAMULU’S WILL!”

Lord Thurston: “Okay, what about this one?”

He next holds up a picture of Peter Gilmour.

EDWARD: “EDWARD KNOW THIS ONE!”

Edward reaches into his loincloth and pulls out a crinkled up page torn out of a magazine.

EDWARD: “EDWARD JUST SHOW HIM THIS!”



Lord Thurston: “W.. Where did you get that?”

EDWARD: “EDWARD FIND IT IN OLD BOOK IN LORD THURSTON OFFICE.”

Lord Thurston: “MY PRIZED PLAYGIRL COLLECTION!”

EDWARD: “EDWARD HEAR HE LIKE DICK SO EDWARD FIND PICTURE OF ONE TO DISTRACT HIM.”

Lord Thurston: “Ignoring the fact that we need to have a discussion about personal property, how do you think that will distract Peter Gilmour?”

EDWARD: “EDWARD THINK HE LIKE PICTURE SO MUCH THAT HE LEAVE RING AND…”

Lord Thurston: “No, never mind Edward, forget that I asked.”

EDWARD: “LORD THURSTON NOT LIKE EDWARD IDEA? EDWARD COULD JUST CRUSH HIS HEAD INSTEAD?”

Lord Thurston: “Yes, more crushing and less thinking. I think that would be for the best.”

EDWARD: “OKAY EDWARD NOT USE PICTURE. EDWARD JUST CRUSH HEAD WITH BIG HEADLOCK.”

Lord Thurston: “Edward, I must say, I’m not too impressed with your strategy so far. Why not do what you’ve been doing? That seems to work pretty well, don’t you agree?”

EDWARD: “ALL THIS THINKING MAKE EDWARD HEAD HURT... EDWARD JUST CRUSH EVERYONE!"

Lord Thurston: “Yes, crush! Tell me how would you crush her?”

He holds up a picture of Sara Lacklan.

EDWARD: “WHY LITTLE GIRL IN MATCH?”

Lord Thuston: “Because she is, tell me how you beat her?”

EDWARD: “EASY, EDWARD STRONGER BECAUSE EDWARD WARRIOR. LITTLE GIRL NOT BELONG IN…”

Edward pauses as he thinks about his earlier interaction with VV.

Lord Thurston: “Go on Edward, you were saying?”

EDWARD: “EDWARD NOT SURE, EDWARD THOUGHT GIRL WASN’T WARRIOR, BUT MAYBE GIRL IS WARRIOR? MAYBE EDWARD HAVE TO CRUSH HER HEAD TOO?”

Lord Thurston: “And how would you go about that my boy?”

EDWARD: “UM, WITH HANDS?”

Lord Thurston: “Sure, okay… Perhaps this wasn’t the best of ideas.”

EDWARD: “EDWARD CAN DO IT WITH THIGHS TOO!”

Lord Thurston: “No no, that’ll be fine.”

Lord Thurston packs the pictures away without even asking about BWP.

Lord Thurston: “Listen Edward, you aren’t far off with your assessments of the members of this team, but you’re ring strategies leave much to be desired. This entire team is a walking talking catastrophe that was put together by the potentially brain dead Big D. Let’s start with Peter Gilmour, a man who believes himself to be not only a big star, but perhaps the backbone of the entire XWF. He points to his many titles wins to back up his claim, and then glosses over the fact that he loses somewhere around 80% of every match that he is involved in. The most dangerous thing about Peter Gilmour is the possibility that he tries to actually show you his super … manhood. No one in their right mind would ever willingly team with Peter Gilmour because he is literally the weakest link on any team that he has ever been involved with. Except, not only did Big D draft him, and do so fairly early, but he then managed to waste two more draft picks on people so bad that Mr. Gilmour, for perhaps the first time in his life, isn’t the weakest link for a change.”

“How about Bearded War Pig? Who is he? What are his goals? Who has he beaten? What titles has he held? Unless you’re willing to dig through the archives, good luck finding out. The guy has hardly uttered a word in years! A man who was once a threat to any major title in the XWF has become nothing more than a man content to collect a incredibly shrinking paycheck with each loss. Perhaps in 2015 BWP would have been a good pick, but not in this day and age, not by a long shot.”

“Oh but wait my dear boy, because it does indeed get far worse than even that. When someone as simple as you laughs at the mention of a name, then the world truly knows just how worthless that contestant must be, and in this case, I can’t imagine anyone less deserving to be in the XWF than Rain and his merry band of misfits. Here we have a guy who asked, no begged for a shot at APEX and their championship gold, and then when he was granted the opportunity, he quickly fell flat on his face and squandered his chance at gold for both himself and his sister Snow. Let me ask you Edward, if a man isn’t driven enough to try and win a shinny, then what would make anyone think that he might actually pull his weight in a situation like this? There’s no doubt about it, Rain is the weakest link on Team Big D, but let’s not let that take away from the one and only Ms. Sara Lacklan.”

“She might be the one good pick of the team, but don’t go giving Big D credit just yet, even a blind ape could chose a better team than the one that Big D put together, which leaves me to wonder, in a team that is filled by people like Gilmour, BWP, and Rain, could Big D be the weakest link of them all just for bringing them all together in the first place? This is the team captain. This is the man who is expected to lead these people, and yet he killed any credibility he may have had before the draft even ended.”

“No my dear boy, the only strategy you need is to stand back and watch these lemmings falter under the leadership of a man who thought it wise to choose BWP while the far superior Robbie Bourbon sat undrafted, who chose to pick Peter Gilmour over… Well almost anyone, and who chose Rain when there was a perfectly good Scully just waiting to be picked.”

“No, the best strategy here is to stand back and allow this team to self destruct on it’s own.”

EDWARD: “THEN EDWARD CRUSH?”

Lord Thurston: “Then Edward crush!”