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B.O.B. D · **05-08-2019, 11:16 AM**

RING! RIIIIIIIIING!!! RING!!!!!!!!!!

I was awoken to an unfamiliar ringing. It wasn't the alarm I had set for the morning, nor was it my cell phone. As I slowly came to, head throbbing with every 'RING', I realized it was the hotel phone on the bed stand. It didn't really make sense, no-one should have that number. Anyone I felt important enough to get ahold of me would've had my cell number at this point. Despite this I answered the phone.

"Helllllo?" I mumbled, still half asleep.

"Sir, I'm sorry, but we're gonna have to ask you to find another hotel to accommodate you," the woman on the other end said. You could hear clear annoyance in her voice, something I didn't understand. I had been a good enough guest, didn't have parties or anything, no noises after hours.

"Is this about the pot smoke?" I asked as I sat up in my bed. It might've been a stupid thing to say, but it was the only logical explanation for them kicking me out.

"What?!" she responded in horror. "Well, it WASN'T, but that also is NOT allowed here!" God this woman was such a bitch.

"Well what did I do?" I asked. "That you know of?"

"Sir, there is a mob of people outside of your room!" she stated in her authoritative tone. "And we just cannot allow someone who is going to stay here cause these kinds of problems!"

"A mob?" I sounded shocked. I'd always been a polarizing figure in the industry, but never enough to have people showing up where I stayed.

"We ask that you pack up and be gone by the end of the night," she stated, before hanging up. The joke was on her, though, I planned to be gone after tonight ANYWAY. But that still didn't answer what was going on outside.

I quickly got up and put some pants on before heading to the door. A bit nervous, I opened it slow at first, but couldn't see anything. I opened the door all the way and was met with quite a shocking sight: there WAS a pretty big crowd of people gathered outside of the hotel. Many of them were holding signs, and chanting hate in my direction. You would've thought it was one of those old Truth commercials.

"Who are you people?" I asked quoting Patrick from an episode of Spongebob.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" the crowd responded. So much for an answer.

I squinted to read some of the signs, but it was too difficult. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed 4 people surrounding my car, two of them holding big buckets. I turned and looked at them, which caused them to notice me. One of the ones not holding a bucket flipped me off, as the two holdings buckets emptied their contents into my Pontiac. What looked to be blood poured out all over my vehicle, instantly staining the beat up white paint. It was at this point I realized who this gathering of people was......

"Oh no, not PETA," I thundered out with a groan. "Fuck PETA!" More boos filled the air as I walked back inside and closed the door behind me. I felt as though I had just woken up in an episode of South Park.

"What the hell am I gonna do?" I mumbled to myself, wondering how I was gonna leave my room safely, let alone drive a car covered in blood. That would just be asking to get pulled over, and riding dirty as usual, that would be no good.

"Big D hates me!!!!"

What the fuck? I heard a new mob of people outside, chanting something different. I snuck over to my window, my jaw dropping open at what I saw. Marching towards the group of PETA activists was a gang of guys and girls wearing rainbow shirts and holding up pro gay and anti-Big D signs. These ones were impossible to NOT see from the distance, as they were decorated with very bright, flamboyant colors.

"Big D's a reallllllll tough guy!" I heard a woman shouting through a mega phone. "It's not bad enough to beat up a girl, huh? Might as well smear the queer, right, you homophobe?!?!"

Oh my God, this was NOT happening. I was being forced to cower in my hotel room all because management thought it'd be a great idea for me to wrestle a lesbian and an animal.

I went back over to the door and went back outside, once again to a chorus of boos. These people were relentless, but I had to address them.

"For the record," I began. "I didn't WANT this match! I came out of retirement to compete for, and win, championships; not to wrestle a fucking owl!"

"Well what about Snow?" Ms. Megaphone chimed in.

"I don't want to wrestle ever, either," I responded with a shrug. "She isn't, nor has she ever as far as I know, been a real contender for ANY championship. o would rather devote my time and effort to a real competitor....."

Both crowds went silent for a moment. I hoped their silence meant they understood what I was saying, and maybe even had a bit of sympathy for me.

"So what are you saying?" the megaphone woman questioned. "A lesbian CAN'T compete with a straight man?!?!" The crowd of LBGTQ people gasped in shock, before chucking whatever they had in their pockets at me. Luckily none of them were that strong and nothing came even close to hitting me.

"Look, I respect the LBGHIJKLMNOP community," I said like a douchebag. "And I'd appreciate it if you all worked with me here. I didn't sign up for THIS match, I only asked my boss to book me and this was the result. Don't you people want me to treat your kind as equals?"

About that moment, a group of black men had been walking along past both groups. When they heard my last line, they stopped dead in their tracks and joined the other protesters.

"What the fuck you mean 'you people'?" one of them demanded to know.

Once again, I went inside and slammed the door behind me. The mind were now growing angrier and restless at my constant hiding. After a few moments of thinking of a way out, my problem only grew.

"1................2...............PUSH!!!!!!"

Confused by what I'd just hear, I crawled over to my window and peeped out. What I saw them doing made my heart sink down to my toes: a group of thirteen people mixed with people from the LBGTQ and PETA groups, even one of the black men, were in the process of trying to flip my car over. I gasped as they managed to succeed after about three different attempts, the entire parking lot filling with cheers as my Grand Am turned over.

Now I was beginning to fear for my life. I began to think of something, ANYTHING I could do to get out of my hotel in one piece and make it to Warfare. Then it hit me, a plan that may be crazy enough to work. I went over to one of my suitcases and opened it up, finding exactly what I was looking for.

After changing into the outfit I had found, I made my way over to the door and took a deep breath. This may have been the dumbest plan I EVER had, but if it worked so be it. I opened the door, put my hands in the air, and addressed the groups.

"Please, don't hurt me," I squeaked out in the most girl voice I could muster. There I stood for all of the world to see, wearing the dress I tried on a week ago to gain an upper hand over Lux. "I'm just Big D's vegan, bisexual prostitute!"

The gathering of people all gasped out in shock, not sure if it was what I said, or the fact I made it look like I had been fucking a transvestite hooker. Whatever the case, it didn't matter to me what they thought as long as I could escape safely. The LBGTQ woman with the megaphone out a hand to her heart, smiling with a tear in her eye.

"Run free, little dove," she tenderly said. "Our beef is with him, not you."

"BEEF?!?!" screamed one of the PETA members.

"It's just an expression," one of the gay men responded, defending his fellow homosexual.

All of a sudden, the two groups began to break into a massive brawl. I stood there in my dress, completely thrown off by the sudden turn of events. Not wanting to give them any opportunity to come after me, I bolted away from my room and out of their sight.

As I walked down the street, I made plans to go back to the hotel after all the smoke had cleared. It wasn't easy for me to deal with this shit, it was a match I didn't even want to be in. But now I was at a point where I was dying to get in the ring with my opponents, they were the reason I was out and about looking like a buffoon. Come Saturday, I was gonna have an owl sandwich for dinner and rip Snow into so many pieces, you'd think it was actually snowing. And that ain't no story, it's the Cold Big D Truth.

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