Prologue:

Beginnings are tough. You never know quite where you’ll start, but you always have the end in mind. I didn’t want to make all of you sit here and listen to me wallow. No honestly I didn’t ask for the life I was given. No, call it destiny or whatever I ended up here and now. I know where my journey ends, and that’s in a pine box. Where I began was a long story. I am going to let you all into my world as I see it. I’m not taking you all the way back, just far enough away so that you get the point.

The night seemed hollow. The moon lit the room with an eerily calm. I shuddered in the corner, not knowing what to do. The vomit stained my shirt, and the blood was starting to crust along the outside of my lips. I was sickly and the light at the end of the tunnel wasn’t white, it was blood red. I knew this was the end, but not like this.

I had faltered yet again. I did the only thing I could. I tried to save the XWF from a fate far worse than myself. I overextended myself physically and financially. I did what I felt was necessary, I bought the XWF and watched it burn to the ground.

I provided the gasoline, the lighter and the kindling.

I was numb. I didn’t want Jonathyn to be known as the one who shuttered the doors. I wanted him to be looked fondly upon in the history of this planet. If I had to be the fall guy so be it, I’ll take the fall. I’ll survive. I’ll move on.

Then something happened.

Others around me didn’t have the same mentality. They quickly brought the ashes from me pennies on the dollar. They rebuilt the XWF. Like a Phoenix, it was back. I couldn’t bare to witness my hallowed grounds tainted by them. The inmates truly ran the asylum, and while it was “thriving”, I myself was falling apart.

I had failed. I failed horribly and in such a way that I couldn’t and still can’t bring myself to fathom it.

SUMMER 2011:

“That’s it. Everything is finalized. All we need now is your signature right here and this whole mess will be behind you.” The lawyer in his pinstriped suit said with a crooked smile as he slid the papers across to me.

I grabbed them and glanced over them. Shuffling them quickly and hastily putting them in alignment . “This can’t be right.” I said, sloppily tossing the papers back. I had lost a significant amount of weight recently. My eyes were sunken into my head, the bags under my eyes made it seem that I haven’t slept in days, while true that wasn’t the issue at hand. I was just tired. Running a company was a drain on my body and soul. There was only one thing keeping me going, and that was the thought of it all ending. If I sign this paper I will have failed. A closed XWF is worth more than a barely functional one. I tried to make that happen but others weren’t so keen to the idea.

“I assure you everything is just as we expected. Even better. They offered more than the company was worth.” He stated with a shocked look on his face. “ I just need you to sign and we can all move on to better things.”

Ha, yeah better things for him maybe. Now that I was officially no longer the owner, he’d be officially finished with me and be out of my life. He shuffled around the very unkempt room, lifting up things and inspecting them. “With all this money you’d be able to afford that maid you wanted.”

“Had one, fired her.” I did, her name was Rose. I remember her fondly. I didn’t fire her out of spite or any wrong doings, it’s just that she was getting too close to me. She was the closest thing I had to family, and I didn’t want her to get mixed up with me and have all the emotions a family member would have. I didn’t want her pity, or empathy. I just wanted to be left alone and things had to happen that way. The lawyer just sighs and continues around the room as I still fumble with the paper and pen. My hand was trembling. I hadn’t felt this sensation since I lost all that blood hanging upside down in the cage all those years ago. The shakes weren’t from that this time obviously, I knew what it was but I wasn’t about to let the suit know.

“I’m sure you did, and I’m sure you had a very good reason as well.” Slowly he made his way back to the desk. “Look I know what you’re going thro…” I cut him off immediately.

“Like hell you do. I paid ten times this much for that dumpster, and this is all I get back? Do you have any idea how it feels to be completely broken?” The lawyer started to open his mouth but was just left agape. “ No. sure this is a good chunk of change and I’ll probably never have to work again, but it should be more. So yes while it’s a lot of money it isn’t enough.”

“Not enough? Listen you should be lucky you’re even getting this. Sign the damn papers and go relax on a beach somewhere. Hell you’re only 25. Enjoy retirement from a business that has given you everything and nothing at the same time.” It’s about time this guy started to make some sense. He was right I didn’t have to do anything ever again, but I also didn’t need to do anything ever again before this. Maybe it was my mortality staring me in the face, but I can finally rest easy. Or at the time at least I thought I could.

The rest of this encounter went smoothly. I signed the papers, shook his hand and just stared out the window as he left. I watched him walk to his car, talking on his phone, and eventually pulling out of the driveway. I don’t know what I was expecting. I didn’t expect fanfare, or a party. I just wanted the pain to go away. I didn’t want to suffer anymore. I thought at least the weight of the world would be off of my shoulders. Alas nothing. I felt nothing. Everything was the same, only now I was a joke. I was a failure in more ways than one. It felt good to get rid of the garbage, but also it now created a void that needed to be filled.

That was that. I was alone. Again. Like always. I fought for so long that I didn’t know what to do with this thing called time. I must have sat in that room for hours. Not moving, barely breathing, and before I knew it the sun had set and the moon was out again lighting everything with a pale glow. I opened up the top drawer on the desk and there it was. Staring at me, mocking me, and tempting me.

The needle that I had used earlier before the lawyer came to my home.

“Nothing but time huh?”

I groggily reached for the needle. Holding it in my hand I twisted and turned it around. To anyone else it was just a druggies tool, for me it was my escape. I had been through so much in my life up to this point, that the only way was down. Selling the company was the first step, this needle that shined in the moonlight was the second.

I’ll do you all a solid and spare you the details, but that dragon can be hard to ride, even harder to jump off. When the needle pierces the skin and the vile is emptied into my veins and a warmth comes over me. The injection point is hot, and the kick is instant. It’ll never be like the first time, but you spend your whole life chasing that feeling again, even if you are numb to everything. Nothing matters. Life, death, love, worries, the vast nothingness begins to slowly consume me. For the first time in a while I crack a small smile. I wasn’t happy in that sense of the word, I was relieved of the burdens of everyday life. I was alone, but content. I was alive but not living. I was just there. Not in the moment just a husk of a human devoid of anything.

I continue to sit in the chair slowly fading in and out of consciousness. It wouldn’t be until the next morning that everything and nothing changes again.

CURRENT DAY:

Well look who’s back.

Depressing stuff huh? Well I’m still standing here so spoiler alert it gets better, even if I have to hit rock bottom first.

Allow me to introduce myself to everyone here. If you don’t know who I am. My name is Fuzz. Friends call me Shawn, but we aren’t friends. There isn’t much at all in this business that I haven’t accomplished on my own. If you name it chances are I already did it. I’m not going to run down everything I ever accomplished here but let’s just say it’s longer than yours.

While a lot of the names in this place have changed, the results will always be the same. A cocky figure head, an arrogant group at the top of the card cherry picking opponents to keep their records clean. A child like human running around putting his two cents in wherever he feels like. And last but not least the slow guy.

Hi Shane!

Yes in the grand world of the XWF you are the slow guy. A very big guy, but slow none the less. I’ve dealt with guys like you. No words, menacing demeanor. All fluff no content. I have fought with people who thought they were ghosts. I’ve fought actual clowns. Hell I’ve even fought James Raven, and I still think that you are somehow in some way smarter than all of them. So far you’ve said nothing, as have I. The only difference is that I am capable of speech and you have a man to do your talking.

Smart on you end, no one wants to hear your moronic thoughts. May as well have someone else stick their foot in their mouth instead of your own. Honestly you are new here and there isn’t much I have to say about you. You seem like a brute. All fight no talk.

I did however notice that you are going to be wearing armor to the ring? Seriously? Are you that afraid of getting hurt that you are going to wear a body vest? Doesn’t matter been there done that, snatch that shit off of your skin and beat you until you turn blue. The resell that shit on eBay for your Uber fare home. Also I would like to thank you for wearing the mask to the ring. It will save me from having to hear your screams and cries as I whoop your ass from side to side and up and down.

I did a little digging on the old google machine. I happened to find your blog. I’m impressed that you have a slightly higher vocabulary than Edward, and all that guy says is “He wants Shiny”. So good for you. I can’t wait to “hear” what you say about me. The list is very extensive.

Top 50 All Time
Multiple Time Champion
Former Owner
Drug Addict
Colossal Flame out on many returns.

The list honestly goes on and on, but everything always points to the same thing. I get up, dust myself off and continue forward. I don’t and never have cared about what anyone thinks about me. I’ll tell everyone and anyone that will listen….

I’m not here to rebuild my legacy. I’m not here to talk about the past. I’m not here to help the XWF. I’m here for my one goal. The only goal I’ve ever set out for. I’m here to burn the XWF from the inside. I want to piss on the ashes of the place that forgets the past. I want to watch the embers slowly float up into the night.

I didn’t come here for hope.

I came here to create Hopelessness.

A hopelessness that can’t and won’t be avoided. You Shane unfortunately are the first person cast in my own personal play. I wouldn’t worry too much if I were you, it’s fun being the martyr. The only problem with that is you’ll get sympathy and if I learned anything on my time on this earth, it’s the handicapped don’t want sympathy. They just want to be treated as equals.

I’m nothing if not consistent. I said it when I first came back, I’ll say it again. It doesn’t matter what the hell you are. It doesn’t matter who you are. I don’t care if you have a disability, I’m going for the jugular. It’s been awhile since I’ve stepped into the ring, but trust me, thanks to modern technology I’m as ready as I’ve ever been. I’m on a glorious quest.

I cannot be stopped.

I will not be stopped.

And you Shane, sure as hell aren’t going to stop me. How do I know this. It’s really quite simple. You aren’t good enough to stop me. You aren’t ready for what I am capable and willing to do in that ring. This isn’t a Prophecy. This isn’t some sort of culling of the Order. This isn’t even the Apex of what I am. No simply put, you are merely and stone at the bottom of a river. About to be either washed away, or doomed for erosion. Just as quickly as you came you will be gone. Easily forgettable, just as easily dismissed.

Shane all you are to me is a glorified punching bag. Something to take me aggression out on and someone to knock the rust off of. Sure I didn’t think we’d be the opening match, but hey I’ve got it easy. Take a quick rest before I head out to the next show. You won’t be so lucky. A quick beating, then off to the ER, only to be quickly transferred to the ICU, then maybe a few specialists, then they will realize that you were born that way and send you out into the night.

I really don’t have much more to say to you Shane. However I do have to address something that is slightly concerning. People will say that I’m but riding, or whatever…. since when do people get to choose who they are facing for a title? I look at Apex Bob chooses a random Indy guy, sure seems legit to me. Then Drew decides that Snowpocalypse gets a shot at the tag team titles? I expect this from Drew, but Raven aren’t you better than that?

I used to have respect for you until you decided to let Bob and Drew ride your coattails to the top. Sure Drew can claim he didn’t even know who you were before, but I’m going to call a spade a spade, that’s bullshit. If he didn’t know who you were then bottom line maybe he should have someone talk for him like the Autistic Giant does… Oh I did have one more. The mere fact that the titles are being defended against those undeserving is laughable. This is what I don’t understand.

James what are you doing with these two Fuck Boi’s? James you and I haven’t always seen eye to eye and we’ve both fought for what we believe in and those sides have been opposite more times than not. So James I’m asking you, not as your enemy, but as the guy who pulled you out of XWF Impact and onto Anarchy….

Why are you letting them use you for your legacy? You built it. You earned it. Now they are walking around like it was them that made you. Like it’s you who owes them. James please, I don’t want to make a tough decision but I will if I have to.

I don’t want the last thing people remember you by is Apex. James for you to be a competent owner you need to trim the fat… this isn’t a suggestion. Either you do it… or I’ll do it for you.

So Apex minus James, this isn’t a friendly call. This isn’t a telemarketer. This is someone who is willing to go to bat for someone who doesn’t think he needs it, or is blind to the facts. Bob and Drew, Drew and Bob it doesn’t matter. I’ve come to clean the XWF up, and when I’m done, so will your reigns at the top of the mountain. I know it sound cliche that I say I’m gunning for you, and you’d be right, to a point. Go ahead and ask your buddy if it’s a joke. I’m not here for fun and games. I have set a task and I will not stop until it is completed.

So that’s it. Let me think if I have touched on everything I need to. Shane is a big dumb mute who doesn’t stand a chance. Check. Dumb that he’s wearing armor to the ring. Check. Called out Apex for their nut riding on James. Check. Tried reasoning with James. Check. I mean really that’s all I can do. All I can do is try and reason with him. I know somewhere deep down James knows I’m right. I’m sure he doesn’t want to hurt his friends feelings, but sometimes the toughest decisions aren’t the easiest.

I understand that what I am about to undertake isn’t going to be easy…

But it will be difficult,

And it is Necessary.