The camera opens to and office room complete with a counter, sink, a refrigerator to the left of the sink, cabinets and two chairs next to one another with a small table between them. Scott Charlotte walks onto scream wearing a tailored black suit. He stands center with a disheveled look on his face. He fixes his tie and clears his throat.


Scott: Hello, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Scott Charlotte and I am here to tell you one thing. That alcoholism is wrong and America, we need help.


He puts his hands together to gain a more somber look and maybe some sympathy points. It might work. Maybe.


Scott: If you've been paying attention over the past few days, you've seen me go from breaking mirrors to puking in the middle of the street. In fact, before that you've seen me punch a homeless man and a douche bag. I then proceeded to sex up his lady later that night, three times. All of this because I was on Alcohol. You see kids, just because I do cool things with alcohol does not make drinking it cool


He takes a moment to think as a new idea approaches his mind. He raises a finger up to clarify his thoughts.


Scott: Unless you drink from a funnel that is held up between two beautiful titties.

He nods his head thinking of the last time that happened to him. 32DD.


Scott: That doesn't mean is cool to be an alcoholic! I don't think drinking is a good thing, it makes you do bad things. It turns you into a crazy party guy who wants nothing more than to free base cocaine off of Liberace's fun zone and I do not mean the bouncy castle he had out back for the kids to play with. Funny thing that there were no parents there with the kids.


A voice off screen can be heard mumbling and Scott takes a moment to listen.


Scott: What? He's dead? How long? 26 years? So that joke was irrelevant? I'm still going with it Tom!


Mumbling is heard off screen again and Scott takes offense to it by shooting the off screen man the bird.


Scott: Oh fuck you, Tom! The writing in this is golden and those writers worked their asses off day and night doing this.


Mumbling is heard once again, but Scott laughs this one off sarcastically.


Scott: That's just rich! You're saying because I'm the one who actually wrote this 2 minutes ago on a napkin and said hey man we need to film this shit for Matt Lennox is actually why the writing sucks.


Mumbling again. Scott nods his head in an accepting manner.


Scott: You have a point. Okay, fine!


He takes a moment to readjust himself and clears his throat.


Scott: Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen. I am here to regretfully inform you that I have gone back to drinking because Tom here doesn't want me to lie to the public just to make fun of Matt Lennox.


Very rude mumbling is heard now as Scott takes offense.


Scott: I don't care if you went to rehab for 20 years, Tom, and this is offensive for you.


He points at Tom and everyone else on the crew in the room.


Scott: You know what, everyone pull out your phones and go to that Twitter shit. Let's make this twatty or twitty or whatever you call it. #FuckYouTom.


A sad mumbling voice is now heard. A quiet sob is also heard and Scott sighs. He feels bad about being an asshole...for once.


Scott: I'm sorry Tom. I shouldn't have done that, I'm just in a bad place right now. Game of Thrones really fucked me up tonight with that ending, I'm out of bud to smoke and this Matt Lennox guy is really pissing me off.


He extends his arms inviting Tom to come over to him.


Scott: Alright come here, you deserve a hug.


Tom walks on screen, he is a slender guy wearing a white button up shirt with khaki pants. His arms are extended and he is crying as he goes to hug Scott Charlotte, but instead gets hit with The Groupie Killer pushing Tom to fall right through the small table. Scott takes his tie off and throws it on the now unconscious Tom. He looks into the camera.


Scott: #FuckYouTom!


Scott Charlotte now cleans himself up a bit and takes up off his suit jacket. He throws it also onto to Tom. Scott rubs his eyes clearing his mind to now admit the real reason behind his PSA. Oh joy.


Scott: Okay, so as you can tell this was all just a load of bullshit. Well, the beginning of it. Tom really is a fuckwad and he was just mad that I banged is sister the other night. Anyways, I did this because Matt Lennox thinks I am some kind of alcoholic who doesn't understand how to hold his alcohol. So I am here to show him I can.


Scott then proceeds to open the refrigerator behind him and he pulls out a bottle of Red Stag. He turns towards the camera, shows it the bottle then slowly places it in his right hand. He lifts it up in the air, then down showing off the bottle.


Scott: You see. I place it in my right hand then I lift it and then it stays there until I take the cap off and down this sucker. Matt, for shame. You accuse me of something I am capable of doing.


He takes of the top and then proceeds to chug the drink. He stops after the gets the bottle half way down. He takes a moment to burp and then cough. The next line is delivered with a raspy, almost out of breath voice.


Scott: Fuck me, that's strong.


He clears his throat and speaks normally.


Scott: Do you really ever talk about anything important, Matt? It's like a circle with you, you go from Canada rules, to I hear voices in my head, to Canada rules again, to I am an alcoholic back to how awesome Canada is. Which now puts me in a circle of saying how much I hate Canada.


He takes another swig of the Red Stag, but this time he savors the taste.


Scott: So, to push myself into not talking about you because by this point the public understands how much I hate you and you hate me and blah blah, I am going to instead talk about this whiskey. It's fucking delicious and kids I fully recommend going into mommy's purse, taking some money, getting some hobo to go in and get some Red Stag. It's worth it, because it makes all your problems go away.


He takes another huge swig.


Scott: Ours is the Fury! Seriously, I don't give a fuck if I look bad when I am drunk. Who looks good drinking? Honestly, should I be offended by Matt? No, but he just get under my skin. I am really looking forward to beating you on Monday.


Scott stops and realizes that he is talking about Matt Lennox again and he sighs in frustration.


Scott: There I go talking about you after I said I wouldn't. Once I kick what teeth you have left out of your mouth, then I will feel better.


By this point, Tom has now started to awaken and he stirs. He attempts to stand up but Scott has noticed.


Scott: Whoops, time to go night night again.


Scott then takes the bottle and bashes Tom over the head knocking him out. He looks back at the camera and points at it almost as if he was talking to the audience as a personal friend.


Scott: This has been Scott Charlotte reminding you to say, fuck Tom. Goodnight everybody!


He then falls back in the chair behind him with a huge burst of laughter as the camera fades. This guy.