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Chris Chaos · (06-30-2018)

XWF TV comes on the air with a podium in the middle of the stage. On the podum is the XWF logo. There is a small microphone sticking out of the top of it. There is a room full of stuffy, politician looking business men. They all have suits on.

The spotlight comes on, illuminating the podium, as two security team members walk out, one on each side of Chris Chaos, who is wearing a Versace suit. His hair is pulled back, and he was freshly shaven. The room goes silent, no more coughs or sniffles, as Chaos adjusts the mic and begins to speak into it.

People of the XWF community:

As I sit here on the last day in June, on the weekend of our great nation's birth, I find myself going up against a threat like no other. This month, 24 days ago and 74 years, this great nation embarked on one of the most challenging yet most defining moments in its history. This was an event known as D-Day, and it forever changed the landscape of the war, international relations and the entire view of the German regime. The Nazi's were heavily fortified along the beaches, but it was up to forces made up predominantly of American's to push through the German defense line. This was a tall task, as the German's were ready for the seige. They cut us down, many of us, before we even made it out of the boats.

This isn't a speech to recap history, you want that, go to a library and open a history book. This is a speech to tell you all that on this great weekend, the most American of weekends, Chris Chaos is feeling rather patriotic. Nevermind the disagreement I have with politics, the antics of police, the snowflake democracy and politically correct whine fest we have become, I love this nation. I wouldn't live anywhere else, nor would I want to live at any other time. This week, I go up against a German douchebag who embraces the evil ideologies we fought so hard to end all those years ago. This week, Chris Chaos is going to get the same sort of resistance that our men got on that beach 74 years ago, and I am going to rise to the occasion.

This I promise you.

As much as I feel like this country is screwed beyond belief, Germany is worse. Nazism is not the answer, either, and it goes against everything we represent--even though nobody is truly clear what that is anymore. I am a Florida boy raised on Southern Charm and Newport 100's, and I love everything that the founders of this nation wanted to put in place. I will not allow some diarrhea stain to come into Los Angeles--he lives in Chicago, by the way--to spoil this weekend for me. His family moved here, if they loved Germany so much they would have stayed.

They should have stayed.

Tomorrow night, I am going to make him wish he stayed. Tomorrow night I do it for every soldier who ever put a uniform on. Love me or hate me, most of you feel the latter, I have something called respect.

I respect chaos.

Yes, Chaos.

I respect the spontaneous nature that this nation provides. I respect the ability to be able to speak my mind and do what I please, within reason. I do not respect a government who tries to control everything we do. That is what the Nazi's wanted. They were weak, cowardice, and more than anything else poor sports. They had to get their way. It was their way or the highway, and they killed more people than some nations have in total. They didn't embrace chaos because they were the authority that chaos was designed to bring down. "The man" in every sense of the word. This week it is no different. You may or may not know that the Nazi's rose to power by planting their seeds in the heads of weak minded people and promising them things. Nathaniel promises things he simply cannot deliver. He promises to extinguish the flame of chaos and to take out all of the people he feels inferior. Based on what I know about Nathaniel, there aren't many people who are inferior. He is about as low as it gets. The gum at the bottom of our shoes. The moldy scum in a moist, damp basement. Black mold, for a little added zing, ya know? So people of the XWF, I am speaking here in front of you today to declare war on Saturday Night. The face of tyranny should be stopped before it begins. The principles we all believe in shall not be challenged. I will not allow it. I am here to make sure all of you stay entertained, and to keep ticket prices higher than acceptable because you get what your pay for. Hooray for capitalism. I am here to keep concession sales high. So so ahead, enjoy your 11 dollar beers and your undersized but overpriced popcorn! Enjoy your charred yet chewy hotdogs that you hastily stuff in your mouth because you're hungry and don't want to spend $13.50 on nachos. Go ahead and live it up, American's, and embrace capitalism. Chaos allows you to do that. This is Nazism vs. Chaos and I am going to do my damnest to make sure that Chaos comes out victorious. I am doing it for the Jewish kids who get left out when they pick teams in gym class. I am doing it for the black kids who rob gas stations and get arrested, not because they rob the gas stations but because they "all look the same". I am going it for the brown people too, even though they wouldn't do it for me. I am doing this for the American boys who just want America to be great again.

So Saturay Night I declare war on the man who thinks he is untouchable, who thinks that he means something to anyone. I will defend the honor of this title, and continue to make Saturday Night Savage a watchable broadcast.

Here, in the weeks leading up to Leap of Faith, I am here to tell all of you that the tide is turning in the XWF. The entire landscape is shifting. There is a power at the top, and that power is Empire. That power is someone who is in it for what the people want, and in it to one day hold all of the gold in this company. Empire is here for all of you, and this week I am going to prove that. Saturday Night is going to be my night for the foreseeable future, so get your travel plans ready. Get your unreasonable plane tickets and your motel accomedations ready, because the Era of Chaos has arrived.

In conclusion I would like to say that Nathaniel is a sad, lonely little boy. He needs attention, he needs to be noticed. Well, he has been noticed, but I don't think it is the attention he wants. He has gained the attention of Chaos nation and the XWF Universe. He has opened my eyes to just how much of a joke he truly is, and he will be, like all the others before him............

Equalized.

Thank you, XWF Nation for listening to this speech and God Bless America!

Thank you again!

Chaos fixes his tie, then waves to the crowd as two security members usher him away and off the stage. There is a spotlight on the blank podium as sounds of coughs and sniffles fill the room.

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