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Guppy Parsh · (08-13-2017)

~Act IV~

[Sunday]

Stevella, Guppy's hot mannequin wife, is vacuuming but she can still hear the sickening noises from the box of horrors.

"Is this the Krusty Krab?"

"No, this is Patrick."

"Goddamn, she's seen this episode twenty fucking times already."

The mannequin continues to clean the house while the coconut watches television. The re-run goes to commercial.

SATURDAY! SATURDAY! SATURDAY!

IT'S XWF KING OF THE RING

LADDER MATCH

TOURNAMENT FINAL

CHAMPIONSHIPS

BIG BEN

LONDON! LONDON! LONDON!

WATCH!

VS KINGS

FOR THE XWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS

WATCH AS GAYBE LINCOLN FAILS

THE WORLD IS ABOUT TO LEARN WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU BRING

TO A WARZONE

YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE TWO

LEGENDS, SCULLY AND GUPPY PARSH, DIE THE IN THE RING

DOUBLE RETIREMENT DOUBLE DEATH MATCH!

AND IN

Lagena turned the TV off there. Tears seep from her pores. The image of her father being crushed by a poorly Photoshoped tombstone proved too much for her sensitive female coconut sensibilites. "MOM! I DON'T WANT DAD TO DIE!"

Stevella celebrates silently, about time that dumb fucking show was turned off, "Don't worry, he won't die. I'll get him." Stevella enters Hallway C of Parsh Manor and listens as a voice seems to call out.

"Rape is bad."

"Guppy?"

"Rape is bad."

"Guppy?"

"Rape is bad."

"There you are! What are you doing?"

Guppy pulls the blindfold off of his cowl, so it is no longer covering his eye holes. "I was doing an exercise I invented."

"That didn't look like jumping jacks to me. It sounded like you were brainwashing yourself."

"It's called mind cleansing, Stevella, you clear mind of everything but five principles and you repeat them to yourself."

"That sounds like new age and gay hippie dippy trash, keep my daughter away from it. Is that a Spongebob reference or something? That's fucking stupid." clearly the unfunny joke making plot juice still had an effect on her.

"Okay, did you need me or something?"

"I need you to talk to your daughter."

Guppy's eyes light up! "Did you have a change of heart about me teaching her how to mind cleanse?"

"No, in the two fucking seconds that passed I didn't change my mind. I'd rather die than let you corrupt her with more square Satan!" Stevella sure is acting lie a fucking bitch. Plot serum?! More like bitch serum, "Lagena just learned what your job is and thinks it's dangerous and now she is crying. The goddamn shit sponge didn't cheer her up, what the fuck is even the point of that yellow square fuck? It's just to piss me off I think." who knew mannequins had a time of the month, holy shit.

"My job isn't dangerous; rapists are wimps. That's why they usually target women."

"Are you saying women are less strong physically than men on average? I'm outraged even though I haven't looked into this topic at all. Next you'll be telling me that the wage gap isn't because of sexism. Keep your evil science away from our daughter."

Guppy nods, opting to have a real discussion about these subjects when his wife isn't on cunty Spongebob hate juice that diverts from the plot more than it forwards it. "Okay Stevella, I will only talk with our daughter about my job. There will be no other details to distract from the subject."

Stevella can't find a way to spin that into being all about the blood-coated period sand in her plastic and fiberglass vaginal crease, so she just nods and lets Guppy leave the room and talk to the only rational woman in the house, his two year old daughter.

"Hi Lagena, it's me daddy."

"I know who you are," says Guppy's little ball of coco whilst tears of fear stream down her...shell? Coconuts have shells, right?

"Right, I probably don't have to keep introducing myself."

"You are my dad."

"Yes, I am."

"Please don't die please."

"Okay I won't."

"Please don't fight those rappers the kangz."

"You mean the Kings? Oh, Lagena, did you buy into their hype?"

"They might hit you with their scepters and hurt you daddy."

"Lagena, they aren't actually Kings they just won a few wrestling matches. Theo became King when he buried a woman in poopoo, and Dr. Louis D'Vile won a tournament by beating two satanist wannabes that no one ever cared about, watching Gator walk away from the ring, and then winning against a midget who is taller than me. Neither of them did anything I'm not capable of doing. These are the kings who deserved their crowns the least. Rebel Star and Vinnie Lane beat people of note, John Samuels beat Theo Pryce who at the very least put up a fight, and John Madison won a 31 person gauntlet match of course he deserved it, but all they had to do was play in poop and wrestle chumps. Anyone could do that and be king."

"You'd bury a nice lady in poopoo?"

"I signed up to do just that in my very first wrestling match, luckily for her the stipulation ended being a normal match. I like to win, so I'd do my best even if it results in my opponents being stinky."

"The bottom line cocohoneyboo, is that Scully and I did what the Kings did to get there crowns, except we did them one better. Theo buried a woman in poop and I killed a man with poop. Dr. Louis D'Ville won a tournament beating nobodies and walk-outs and Scully and I won a tournament over the two top contenders to the Universal title, three former Universal champions, the favorite to be the first Bombshell champion, and Engy who's probably going to be the next king and Xtreme champion. We should be the Kings walking into this match because we already proved our point. Win or lose on Saturday Scully and I will still be more worthy of their crowns, as will anyone who's won a tournament or a poop match over real competition, unlike these Kings."

"All it takes is one Plot Device, or one purely transitional pin attempt to force that hand down for a third time. Game over. Winners and still more deserving of their crowns than the Kings. Team

2.0. The greatest tag team there ever was."

"We take the belts and leave the Kings alone with the crowd. Everyone chants 'Take It Off' because those crowns look silly on the heads of losers."

Guppy turns to the camera, "D'Ville, Theo, when the XWF fans are telling you to hand your crowns to us, people who actually earned them. It'll feel like the right thing to do won't it? You talk about playing fair, well you don't need to listen to them. You got your crowns fair and square. You just beat lesser competition then your fellow kings, and that's fine. Scully might want your crown now because it's shiny and he thinks it's neat to wear a hat, but once the plot juice wears off he'll come back into agreement with me. We don't want your hammy-down crowns. We don't need your respect. We just want your championships because those actually mean something."

"So your job isn't dangerous. It's just a game? Can I play?"

"My job is dangerous, but I'm a big boy so I can handle it. When you grow up you can play too. Dolly Waters isn't that much older than you." Guppy pats the coconut and wipes its imaginary tears away.

"Cool! Do you want to watch Spongebob with me? Mommy doesn't want to because she says he's gay."

"For lack of a better term a

, right. Sure Lagena I'll watch the cartoon on the television with you."

"Thanks BatDad." they cuddle on the couch as the scene fades away.

~Act V~

[43 Minutes Later: After an episode of Spongebob]

The scene opens to a waste disposal plant. A woman is walking her dog there, guiding the bitch inbetween the giant vats of fecal matter. A waste disposal worker is watching her carefully. She's good looking and her dog would be really easy to kill. It's so small that the bitch's bark is probably worse than its bite. None of the other shit workers would come running to help her. This public waste disposal plant might make the perfect raping spot. He unzips his pants and prepares to jump her when she comes near by stroking his rape stick. Oh it's erect now, he runs forward, grabs the leash from her and swings as hard he can sending the dog splatting against a vat of shit and denting the cannister. The bitch's body hits the ground with a thud, and whimpers, then the rapist poop man grabs the other bitch and bodyslams her onto her dog, crushing it.

"Why are you doing this! You killed my dog, Hedwig; I named her after the owl in Harry Potter!"

"Fuck that owl! I just want a little time in your chasms, and I don't actually care for your consent."

He pulls her panties off as his cock is already bursting out of his open fly, however he is only able to penetrate with just the tip before he is kicked in the head by the world's greatest detective who swings in with his grappling hook.

"Rape is bad!"

"Ow!," the rapist holds his head, "How's a shit worker supposed to get laid then? Let me guess, there will be plenty of sex in prison?"

"You're not going to prison!" Guppy kicks open a latch on one of the poop canisters, digs his gloved hand inside and pulls out a shit-coated chainsaw. "You're going to Hell!"

"Holy shit covered chainsaw, Batman."

VROOOM!

"Are you sure you want those to be your last words?" asks Guppy as shit flies away from the chainsaw in every direction and even more shit drains from the open latch of the vat onto the poor rape victim.

"Please spare me, it was just the tip! I'm not even hard anymore, poop grosses me out!"

"Rapists gross me out."

Blood flies away from the chainsaw along with the shit now. Guppy spits on the bloody meat that used to be a person. Now decaying cells, the body no longer possesses the want to rape, the evil brain chemistry and surroundings forever expelled.

Batman turns to the victim to see that she has been completely covered in shit, he closes the emergency chainsaw latch, and goes to dig her out when the mayor and the chief of police tap him on the shoulder.

"Excuse me Batman, you did something very impressive here. We would like to present you with this award." the mayor gives the signal and two cops pull a cloth away to unveil a huge golden chalice filled to the brim with collector coins.

"That's very nice of you, but I kill rapists all the tim-,"

"No, this isn't for killing the rapist. It's for burying that woman in shit. That's hilarious, you deserve some recognition for it."

"Oh...well I don't think that's worthy of praise. I just finished telling my daughter about how burying a woman in poo is actually not that impressive."

"But now her hair has shit in it. Women usually try to keep their hair dry."

"Mr. Mayor of whatever city or town this is, I appreciate the gesture, but you should reward people for real accomplishments. XWF is topsy-turvy, crazy, silly, and disgusting. Leave the bogus and meaningless rewards to them and ESPN. Giving someone an award for burying some girl in poop is like crowning Caitlyn Jenner hero of the year. At least Theo's girl was brain washed by his opponent to wrestle in their place, this woman was just walking her dog in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"There must be something we can do for you, great hero?"

"Just have your men dig her out of the poop for me and we'll call it even. I don't need a chalice or collector coins. I already have a snow globe collection. I'll leave them to it. There are more rapists to kill."

"And more women to cover in poop...please?"

"Only on accident."

The mayor gives a smile and thumbs up to the cops and when he turns back to Batman he is gone. As life goes on, the city forgets Batman's wise words and continues to perpetuate delusion. There are only two things on the minds of citizens as they sleep: Burying women in shit is a huge accomplishment and Caitlyn Jenner is a woman. Mayor Drewdolph Barometer rubs his hands together and laughs the night away at the society he cultivated, if only he had a goal to wield them towards.

Guppy fin.

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