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Chris Chaos · **08-18-2017, 02:25 PM**

The double doors opened electronically. He always used to think that they were opening just for him---like he made them do it---like everyone else would walk smack into them and break their face.

Was it a flaw of his to be so narsissitic? Sure it was, but he owned it.

When he got into the store he looked around, seeing all of these people--sheeple, really--wondering through the isles like brain dead consumer zombies. He felt a bit different than these people. He had a reason to, he was Chris fucking Chaos. He was the main attraction, the star, the whole goddamn show. The fact that people didn't stop what they were doing and set down their assorted hand soaps, dish towels, tacky clothing, toys their spoiled brats didn't need and food their asses shouldn't eat and form a single file line for his autograph disgusted him.

Was it a flaw of his to be this arrogant? Sure it was, but he owned it.

As he walked down the main isle of the store, he passed by the electronics section. All of these gadgets designed for shoveling left wing propaganda into the heads of some of the most easily influenced people the country has ever seen. It sickened him that these liberal snowflakes wouldn't open their eyes. Two gays were taking selfies. He shuttered.

Was it a flaw of his to be this ignorant? Sure it was, but he owned it.

As he made his way to the toy section, he didn't care about anything else. He browsed the various action figures until he found ones of himself.

Looking for his own toy on the shelves, a flaw of his? Sure.

But he owned it.

As he looked at the toys, he thought of Robbie's last promo.

Every day it's my opportunity to do something better for myself.

Losing weight doesn't seem to be anywhere on that list. Shame. The blood sludging through those veins has to be the thickness of RAGU ™. Bourbon wil probably have a damn heart attack before he ever gets a Robbiebomb off. Apparently, that pizza-sauce blood has affected his brain as well.

See, that dilapitated neighborhood you dragged your prey through before, thankfully, you got as close to my girlfriend's ass, or any ass for that matter, because Chris Chaos couldn't get a screw at Lowe's or Home Depot, but you got as close to that ass as you ever will, and it's all fake.

Holy run on sentence. How did Blue's ass have anything to do with his social experiment? He didn't even want to attempt to begin sorting that out. Apparently, you have to be on the spectrum to fully understand a Robbie Bourbon promo.

Oh well.

It's your dream, a dick going into a piece of expensive silicone.

Who said he fucked the doll? Nobody said he fucked it. Apparently Robbie is a liberal, because he is constantly spinning words and making up scenario's that just didn't happen in order to make himself look better in the face of a shit storm.

Not very different than fucking Jenny, but hey, some of the best toys are made of plastic, and you aren't fucking her anymore anyway.

Says who? Jenny was, how do you say it, "emotionally available." She'd fuck a traffic cone at this point. Chris would be stupid not to take advantage.

Don't worry, though, I got you covered. This Saturday, you're fucked.

Clever way to spin out of the whole sex argument. But also gay sounding. Robbie Bourbon may very well be.....

Are we allowed to make fun of gays in 2017?

His thoughts of Bourbon's stupidity were halted when he found of his figures on the shelf. Grabbing various different ones, he began to sort through them, talking to the XWF camera that followed him.

He held onto some.

Put some back.

Either way he had a wallet full of cash.

Was he going to buy his own action figures at this store?

Yes he was.

Was it a flaw of his? Sure it was. But he owned it.

Nobody could say anything to him anymore than he hadn't already heard. Nothing got under his skin anymore. He accepted everything. He hadn't beaten Caedus, he had fucked up his last few chances........

And?

Every day is a new day.

And this day was going to be very bad for Robbie Bourbon.

"How many times do I need to say it? Maybe I have been too cocky, and any self-depreciation isn't taken seriously......but I have mentioned on numerous occasions about me not being able to beat Jim Caedus. I am the first one to say it, but this dickless lunatic throw it in my face the a pie at a bad comedian. I get it. But that makes you better than me? Listen, dick, I have been in the ring with everyone on this roster except for the new guys and let me tell you---Jim Caedus is the toughest I have ever faced, in any company. I have faced them all here, Robbie, and I have beaten them all. Even you. Everyone but Jim Caedus. So don't throw him in my face like I lost to fucking Mario. Jim Caedus would tear your apart---in more ways than one, you've seen his promos. He's a big fan of power fisting the shit pipe..... Jim Caedus would chew you up and spit you out. But go ahead, act like me losing to Caedus is a giant black mark on my already highly decorated resume. Throw it in my face like all of my opponents recently. Like Duke did, like Raven did. It doesn't matter to me, because I am big enough to accept it. I will beat him some day, but right now, it doesn't matter. He has all he can handle with Micheal Graves. He isn't in the picture for MY title.

Because, face it, the winner of this match is the next Universal Champion. I have beaten the smoke in mirrors known James Raven already and Brucette will be too hopped up on transitional meds to even cut a promo---just look at this week. Easily the worst Pay Per View Main Event in history. You and I, Robbie, we are the true main event. We are going to tear Wembley to the ground, shake it to its very foundation. We are going to steal the show. But in the end, I am going to come out on top. It is destiny. But sure, play psychologist, tell me I am my own worst enemy. Tell me I lost a step. Back yourself into a corner, go ahead. Now you will be EXPECTED to dominate. Way to let everyone down, hero.

I find it funny, Robbie, I do. I find your total ignorance and over the top bravado to be a real knee slapper. You have done literally NOTHING but be mediocre for your entire career, and you want to take shots at me? Great move, asshat. Your words are more shallow than your grave will be. The grave that I am going to put you in at King of the Ring. You can call what I am saying whining all you want, but you know the words I speak are true. Every goddamn one of them. I know what I can do, and so do you. You know when I am on my game, I am the most dangerous person on this roster. The question is, which Chris Chaos will show up? Will it be the Chris Chaos would walked into seemingly insurmountable odds at Wildcard Weekend and won the Universal Title? Or will it be the Chris Chaos that lost to a scrub like Engy?

I think we both know the answer.

Also, maybe you got some of that pizza cheese in your ears, Robbie, because never once have I "whined". I am simply stating the facts of what happened, go back and watch the PPV if you don't believe me. I got screwed and everyone knows it. But that is ancient history at this point. Onward and upward.

I just find it funny that you think anyone can just buy a real doll of Blue. No, no, no, no, no, Robbie, this isn't Build-a-Bear. Those are for the ultra-rich and the ultra-creepy. Just think, how many men have been fucking your girl? How many rich white senators whose wives haven't spread their legs since the Nixon administration have put their sweaty sausages in one of these thinking about that piece of ass you call a "girlfriend"? Its disgusting, actually. But that further proves my point. You're okay with it because your ego is just as colossal as mine.

I'm dating the hottest woman in the XWF today, who's real doll is selling so well that my opponent had to buy one.

Is that why I got it for free? Selling real well, Robbie. Don't let that conniving ham wallet fool you, they basically had to BEG me to take it off their hands.

But that it neither here nor there. There is a match to focus on.

After I pin you for the seventh time after a seventh Robbiebomb

I thought you weren't going to pin me? Isn't that what you said?

Chef Boyardee Said:Somewhere around there, you'll start asking yourself why I haven't pinned you yet.

That was what, fifty plus minutes in? Make up your mind, dude! Pin me or beat me into submission? If you're going lie to the world, for God sakes, be consistent!

But I had fun with our little game last time, so I will do it again. Since you seem to think you are the only one who will hit a finisher--which is beyond ignorant by the way, yet I am the the arrogant one according to him--let me tell you how I envision it going.

I am going to pin you, but it won't be the 7th time, I won't need 7. I appreciate you thinking it will take 7 finishers to put me away, but I don't feel that any human on this earth can take 7 Equalizers. I don't think any human on this planet can take half of that. The devistating effect of the Equalizer is just as potent, if not more so, than the Robbiebomb. Not only is it an unoriginal and non-creative name, but it is simply a powerbomb delivered by a fat guy in a mask. Yawn. The Equalizer is so much more......primal.

I am going to Equalize you for every member of this roster. I am going to Equalize you for Vinnie. I am going to Equaoize you for anyone who you have ever cheated with your facade. I am going to Equalize you for everyone you fucked over while trying to not get fucked over yourself. I mean, I could make up any stupid shit. I will Equalize you for the lizards! For Harambe! For the rhinos! I will Equalize you for right, for the left, for the Nazi's, for the Jews! Whatever you want to say. I mean that is how stupid your little rah-rah speech sounded. It was gift wrapped, but once you sort through the bullshit you see what is really inside.

But not two seconds after you can speak and find a microphone, we're all going to hear that famous song and dance that you call Chaos these days.

The song and dance is over. This is a new beginning. Maybe you should try listening to my promos. I've come to terms with what has happened, and I am ready to start anew. No more Jim Caedus, no more what happened then. The future is now, and I can do nothing but make the most of it.

You've hit all your variables, Chris. All of them. You've risen, you've peaked, you've declined, and Sunday, you hit the bottom.

Doesn't everyone? That is just the circle of life. Nobody stays perfect forever. Nobody is 100 percent all the time. We all fluctuate, but it how we handle the fluctuation that makes us elite. It is how we handle the lows that allows us to once again experience the highs. I've been around the block. I've been seasoned. I have seen and felt it all. And feeling those lows makes me want to feel the highs again that much more. Beating you will make it so much better, too. Shutting up the XWF's resident cartoon character will make me being Universal Champion again that much better. I am so far from the bottom that I can't even see it yet. In fact, douche, I am just getting started.

Don't you think it's a bit strange that I keep getting these opportunities, even though I continue to "squander" them? There is a reason for that. There is a reason that I have gotten these opportunities time and time again and this is your first since December. There is a reason why I headline Pay Per Views even when I am not the champion. I am the top dog here, the Great Dane, and despite your size you are nothing but a daschund.

A weiner dog.

A weiner.

A dick.

I sell more merchandise and put more asses in seats than anyone in the XWF. Sure, I have taken my lumps, but the numbers don't lie. I don't need Big and Tall store to sell my merch, you can find it nearly anywhere. In fact, take a look at this.

His hands run over the action figures that are available in Target, Wal-Mart, Big Lots, Toys 'R' Us, and numerous others.

How awesome is that?!

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What an ass! ........Isn't the first time I've heard that......shocking, I know.

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There is one of me punching you, Robbie!

They even have me as a ref!

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Long story short, I have my flaws. I have had my ups and downs but I have persevered from them. You claim you survived a shafting two years ago---why does everything you say sound gay?---well I have survived several and I am still here as well. We are both survivors, Robbie, that is one thing we have in common. Neither of us are going anywhere, and neither of us are willing to quit. I agree maybe I am super arrogant, and I agree that has gotten me into shit. My mouth has written checks that my perfect ass hasn't cashed. Not that I CAN'T cash them, I just haven't made it to the bank yet. I say things people don't like, but most of the time I say things that people are thinking but don't have the courage to say. I don't care what people think. Love me or hate me I am who I am. Sure, it is a flaw. But that is what makes us all so unique and so............chaotic. Human nature. I have flaws, and you have flaws as well.

Mine is arrogance, yours is ignorance.

It's getting stale, Chris, it's like you got a funnel cake and took it home and didn't touch it for like four days. It's week old donuts. Unpalatable, distasteful, garbage.

Fair enough. But if I am the old funnel cake, Robbie---figures you'd make a food analogy---you are gas station sushi. You look like you might be good from the outside but when you actually get to the inside you are mushy and disgusting. Unpalatable, as you called it. Your act is older than mine. You've been doing this for longer. We've been tired of you for longer.

But it's all talk, and talk is cheap. I am on my way to the airport, and then onwards to London.

I am headed to London to win.

Oh look, they even made one of me post match tomorrow night! My arms raised in victory!

The Universe is ready for something big

"Maybe so, Robbie, but I don't think you are the kind of big they are talking about."

He watched as the woman at the counter scanned the toys, and put them in the bag. He ave her the money, thanked her, and headed out of the store.

Was he that narcissistic?

Yes he was.

And it was a flaw he was proud of.

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