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The Engineer · (06-26-2017)

We see Engy bellied up to a counter at a folksy looking diner. He's seated on a red stool, the kind of padded one you can swing around on. Now ordinarily, Engy would probably be having a blast on one of those things, spinning till he puked like a five year old. But today, your favorite psychotic transient and mine just looks down in the dumps.

A half eaten breakfast sits in front of him, rapidly cooling. He's twirling a butter knife around, making it dance for him on the countertop. As we get a better look at the rest of the patrons, we see them shooting him fleeting terrified glances. None of the waitresses approach him to check on his satisfaction with the meal.

Pinkie Pie suddenly appears, spinning up out of the cheap plastic veneer of the countertop, twirling like a sparkling ballerina. She holds her...arms?....out wide.

Hey buddy! What's goin' on?

Engy frowns.

I'm not having a good time Pinkie Pie.

Oh no! What's wrong?

Well, last week I accidentally fell in love with a dude who looks like a chick. So I beat the fuck out of him for making my weiner confused. But even worse than that is that Madison is getting me involved in all this politics shit and it's SUPER boring. I have these secret serbian guys following me around all the time now. Madison said it's for my protection but I think it might be so she can watch me and make sure I'm not touching myself too much or hurting college co-eds. And those are like, my favorite things to do and it's making me MAD!

Engy jabs the butter knife into the surface of the counter. An elderly couple seated across the way jumps in fear.

Well, I don't see any guys now.

Yeah, I ditched him.

Ah! Ya lost him, huh? [purple]

No, he's actually in a ditch.

[purple]Well, it's time to cheer up grumpypants! Because I have some good news for you! Did you know that you're in a number one contendership match for the Hart championship?

I am?! SWEET! Maybe if I win a title I won't have to do any of this stupid politics stuff anymore.

Weeeeellllll, why don't you come with me. This might be better if I show you.

Okay.

Engy drops a couple crinkled up hundred dollar bills on the counter. The patrons which him go, speaking amongst themselves in hushed tones. Engy and Pinkie Pie step outside into a beautiful sunny day.

So where we goin'?

I'll tell ya in a sec. But first you gotta promise not to get mad. Because the truth is, you kinda do have to do all this politics shit.

What?! WHY?!

Because the Republicans are servants of Aiwass. Well, they're UNWITTING servants of Aiwass. But we need these old fogey's to bring back the master, praise be unto him.

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! Ok, but how are these boring old guys gonna bring back Aiwass?

Let's walk and talk Engy.

A sparkling bridge appears in front of them, a bridge that appears over a rainbow river that was not there just a moment ago. Engy follows Pinkie Pie onto the bridge unquestioningly.

So it's like this. We've tried to summon Aiwass before. Many times actually. Aiwass requires slaughter on a massive scale to come back. But the people we've chosen to bring about that slaughter have always failed for one reason or another. We tried with the Romans but their society became so debauched it eventually killed itself from the inside out. We tried with Aleister Crowley, but he was too crazy and nobody took him seriously. We tried with the Nazi's, but they were too evil and too many people stood up and took notice and they lost before they could kill enough people. We've tried over and over.

A shooting star with a happy face on it arcs over the shining bridge.

But then finally, it hit us like a sack of bricks! We realized what we were doing wrong! The reason our puppets had always failed was because they drew too much attention to themselves or were too hedonistic. What we needed was something or someone BORING. And that's when we latched onto the Republican party about 30 odd years ago.

Wait, so they're good because they're lame....?

Exactly! The Republicans are the diet Coke of evil, and they're accomplishing our goals, but in ways that take longer and draw less attention. I mean, when you start herding Jews into cattle cars or committing Stalinesque massacres people tend to notice and get mad. But when you're just signing a piece of paper that takes people's healthcare away, well, who cares about that?! Not enough people to make a difference that's for sure. Nobody's gonna start killing Republicans en masse over that, they'll just bitch about it on Facebook and go back to their mundane little lives. But the end game is the same. Millions of people will DIE unnecessarily without health care. Millions more will die in the eventual corporatist police state that American will turn into. But it's all going to happen so slowly and on C-Span so hardly anybody will pay attention or care until it's too late. Heh, all this time we thought what we needed was chariots of fire and fancy Nazi symbolism when all we really needed was an orange

and a bunch of scared old men with huge prostates and a hard on for Jesus.

They arrive at the end of the bridge now. Before them, is a pink mirror with daisies sprouting up all around it.

Whoa, I never thought of it that way!

And that's why what you and Madison are doing is so important. The Republicans are a bunch of stupid old boring fuckwits who don't even have the balls to put on a white hood...but the masses need to believe in them in order for them to get the support to enact the kind of poor people killing legislation that will bring back Aiwass. Right now, Trump's approval rating is in the shitter. We really wanted Ted Cruz for president, but it looks like were gonna have to work with this autistic ape. You and Madison need to make the masses believe in the Republicans and need to make them believe that what they want is what America wants.

But, because I know you're more of a visual learner, let me show you how awesome it will be if you help us with this and Aiwass comes back.

Pinkie Pie beckons Engy towards the mirror, the glass within it starting to ripple like mercury. Pinkie Pie steps through it easily. Engy looks tentative, dipping a toe into the silvery goo before he also plunges through. When they come out the other side, the environment is unrecognizable.

[Image: s62.jpg]

The world is a sickly yellow hue, punctuated by endlessly burning fires inside the blackened out corpses of what were once skyscrapers. The sun radiates angrily in the sky, filling the air with an oppressive dry heat. Horrific creatures skitter amongst the burning ruins, breathing in ash as it were oxygen, and expelling the cast offs from orifices that iris open from their abdomens. As you watch these creatures it soon begins to dawn on you that they were once human, but whether through mutation or some other infernal design their emaciated limbs have been twisted and bent into forms more befitting those of an animal.

It quite literally looks like Hell on Earth.

Pinkie Pie emerges amidst this nightmare and bows with a flourish.

Ta-DAAAA!

Engy steps out into the bile colored street and looks around, his expression at first difficult to read.

This is....

He smiles like a teenager seeing his first Penthouse.

AWESOME!!!!!!

The comparison is especially apt because Engy also has a boner.

He savagely kicks out at one of the loathsome creatures as it tries to sniff at his leg. His mud caked boot glances off it's skull, causing it to elicit and eerily human moan before it disappears into what was once a sewer opening.

This is the best thing I've ever seen! Even better than that one time Jenny Myst flashed me her pussy.

Heh, and just you wait until you see what happens to everyone who opposes us!

The duo proceed into the blighted hellscape, because yes, there is going to be a Part 2....

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