Robbie Bourbon is dedicated to becoming a woman for next Warfare, bridging gaps and showing that while a women's division in the XWF is a novel concept, contending for the Hart Title is still co-ed, as is every other championship.

Perhaps the concept could be furthered with the assistance of an existing women's competitor in the XWF.

IN TOUCH WITH HIS FEMININE SIDE

The Bourbon Dojo. Almost a staple in the lore and history of the XWF. Well, not really, it's never been featured in XWF programming proper, but Robbie Bourbon cuts a shit ton of promos here. The scene is lively. Wrestling students, culinary arts students, cosmetology students, and Dunkin Donuts employees alike fill the floor of the showroom and give it almost a carnival like atmosphere. Suplexes, steaks, nails, and coffee.

In the center of the dojo is an office, where Robbie Bourbon does most of his non-in-ring business. In front of the office are the Bourbon Men. Cyberjaw, the man with the cybernetic jaw, Diamondback, the man who can blend into any crowd, Ash, Robbie's personal stylist, Joe Biden, Vice-King of the Jobbers, Xtreme Travel Agent, Cyberjaw's main squeeze and possible victim of Stockholm Syndrome, and Robo-Rob, robot from Rocky IV painted to look like it's wearing a Robbie Bourbon mask, all congregated and waiting.

Well, been a while, hasn't it?

Yeah, I guess.

What have you guys been up to?

Well, me and Ash went on a super secret mission last night.

Joe, we've all been hanging out here waiting for Robbie to come back. Just because XWF cameras didn't film us didn't mean we did some outrageous stuff.

Speak for yourself.

Yeah!

A montage is shown of what the Bourbon Men have been up to since they last appeared in a Robbie Bourbon promo. Ash is seen in the dojo cutting hair. Cyberjaw and XTA are seen holding hands and smooching, human lips to cybernetic jaw, in the dojo. Diamondback is seen smoking a bong in the dojo. Robo-Rob is seen in some robot fighting arena absolutely destroying a much smaller robot with a hand that's been converted to a pickaxe. Joe Biden is seen stuck, struggling within a zipped up sleeping back in the ring in the dojo. When the montage ends, we see Diamondback and Cyberjaw struggling to remove the pickaxe from Robo-Rob.

Woah, shit, almost forgot about this.

Yeah, good thing that montage played on a screen we could see!

*pop*

The pickaxe flies off as both Cyberjaw and Diamondback watch it soar away from them. Offscreen, we hear a scream and the sound of something breaking.

Sorry!

Robo-Rob, apologize for maiming that dojo goer.

Happy Birthday, Paulie.

Joe Biden puts his arm around Robo-Rob.

It's good to have you back, old friend.

Robo-Rob starts playing the demo from a Casio keyboard and Joe Biden hums along.

So, Ash, what did you and Robbie do last night?

Oh, I started his makeover and we met with Jeff Sessions. He took some of his wife's panties and ruined them.

Wait, what? Why?

You know Robbie. He has his reasons.

Sounds Xtreme.

It, well, yeah, I guess.

The sounds of the dojo go silent as the Bourbon Men all stop dead and look in front of them. The camera spins and shows the front door, and walking through it is none other than Jenny Myst.

Holy crap, is that 40 Squirrels?

No, I think it's the real Jenny Myst.

"Yes I'm the real Myst. What the hell do you mean 40 squirrels?"

Oh, it's just...

The Bourbon Men all kind of avoid looking at Jenny.

"What? What do 40 squirrels have to do with me?"

Behind the Bourbon Men, the office door swings wide open, and bedecked in a make-up adorned mask, violet painted lips, a flowing red wig atop said mask, and a sequined night gown, is the ravishingly hideous Robbie Bourbon, identifying as a woman.

Oh, hey Jenny! How do I look?

Myst, along with the rest of the Bourbon Men, look absolutely puzzled and in shock.

"I, I don't know, I'm puzzled, and in shock. Why are you wearing all of that?"

Oh, it's to celebrate women here in the XWF.

"How is that celebrating women?"

Well, since it's the Fourth of July, Cadryn and I have decided to dress in drag during our match to celebrate the fact we have a women's champion now! Since we can't compete for the title, we decided to honor the co-ed legacy of championships here in the XWF by competing as women in our match. Congratulations on being the women's champion. The way you lost to Roxy Cotton and just claimed the title is admirable, and you've become a role model to little girls all around the world. I'm sure Cadryn is even swooning over you like the little girl he is!

"Uh, thanks. So, what did you want me to come here for?"

I needed your help. I need guidance on being a strong female performer here in the XWF. I mean, I know a thing or two about being a strong male performer, and how to go out and beat the shit out of people. but give me a few pointers on being a strong woman.

"Well, mostly I go out and talk about how unattractive or slutty my opponents are and how they're sex objects while distancing any kind of attraction I might exude by sounding completely like a man, and so far, getting my ass kicked for it, but I have spunk."

Spunk! That's what I obviously lack, right there. I'm not really a spunky kind of gal. I'm more the brutal, punk rock mentality type who questions people's reasons for living when they aren't living for themselves and the people around them. Hrmm. Maybe it's because I've never been treated like a woman.

Robbie snaps his finger as his violet eyeshadowed eyes go wide.

I have a great idea. Bourbon Men, go about your regular routines. Jenny, step into my office.

Robbie smirks.

It's time for girl talk!

Robbie turns and opens the office door, leading Jenny Myst inside. He closes the door behind her and beckons for her to sit on the couch as Robbie makes his way around the desk and sits. He opens his laptop.

So, I have a great plan. I'm going to set up an online profile as a woman!

"Neat. How is that supposed to get you ready for a wrestling match?"

It's going to get me ready for the female experience.

Robbie holds his phone up and snaps a picture of Myst.

"What was that?"

Oh, I need a good profile pic. I'm far to masculine, but I figure using a picture of a pretty young thing like you will obviously give me the greatest feminine experience on the internet I could possibly hope for.

"How is pretending to be a woman on the internet supposed to help you?"

How indeed.

Look, Jenny, I'm behind the eight ball, here. Well, two balls, but you know what I mean. I can't bear children. I'll never know the feeling of menstruation, or of buying a trainer bra, or even making a sandwich for my significant other.

You made me a sandwich earlier.

Behind the camera we hear the voice of Blue.

I can't identify with the special feelings you get from watching Wonder Woman.

You watch the original Michael Keaton Batman weekly.

I'll never know the gentle penetrating touch of my lover.

Want me to go buy a strap-on?

No.

Okay then. None of this really makes any sense, hon.

"What is she doing here?"

Blue? She goes where I go, don't you forget it.

"Look, part of being an XWF Women's competitor means absolutely hating any other woman around here."

Oh. Well, I guess I'm breaking the mold.

You're not even a woman.

Exactly.

I'm identifying as one, though, for one night, and I need as much exposure as possible. Trying to cram a whole lifetime of being a girl into a couple hours is tough.

Bourbon is typing away at his laptop.

"So, what are you doing to prepare for Cadryn?"

Robbie looks directly at the camera.

Cadryn, you're a fat slut. Is that right?

"Close."

Well, I don't know what you want from me.

Bourbon maneuvers his mouse.

And there. Profile finished.

"Let me see."

As Jenny rounds the desk, we hear an alert from Bourbon's computer.

Ooh, we got a message.

Robbie clicks, and Jenny immediately turns away.

Well, that's a dick.

Another alert. Bourbon clicks.

Another penis. What the fuck?

The alert chime starts going off the hook. Robbie closes his laptop and looks up at Jenny with a forlorn look in his eye.

Is that all it is? Just a slew of dicks being offered to you?

"No, it's all about having an attitude and being spunky and cute."

What the fuck are you talking about?

Jenny looks up at Blue inquisitively.

Yes, honey, that's pretty much it. A bunch of dicks all out there, either telling you how you could be better suited for fucking or how you're well suited for fucking, all while they think they know exactly how you should feel at every moment because they have the dicks.

Oh, wow. I feel so...

You're a man, you wouldn't know what it's like to be a woman. Even those who identify as women, well, they're actually feeling like women, and they can empathize a little easier than you.

But, my identity politics, I'm going to be a woman for the people at Warfare.

That's not how it works.

Poppycock.

Robbie stands up. As he does, we hear chittering, and Jenny Myst collapses into a puddle of 40 squirrels.

I knew it! Bad intel from bad squirrels! Delilah!

A rottweiler runs in through a doggy door in the office, and begins to chase the 40 squirrels around. Robbie walks up to the camera.

Honey, I need your help. Help me become a better woman. Help me represent the women faithfully, and earnestly, as only a woman could and should.

Then maybe a woman should be doing it, instead of a couple of dudes just roleplaying as women.

Pretty much.