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Cadryn Tiberius · **04-27-2017, 09:42 PM**

Calm before the storm..

April showers bring May flowers, or so they say..

The rain pours down amidst another humid day in WV. Traffic in the small town seems to be at it's most congested, when the weather is bleak. Cars line the small roads like ants would single file themselves to carry away something large. Downtrodden, simple minded, meth addicts make their rounds from dumpster to dumpster, hoping to find an old pizza or maybe something to pawn. It's half past six, as the sun begins to descend, the town begins to glow as the streetlights and business signs begin to light the way. In the worst way imaginable, it's true serenity for those choose to stay in the small town. Often, they've all thought of leaving, yet they find themselves making excuses to stay. It's soul crushing, it truly is. But they somehow manage to make it work, their entire lives spent in poverty. Surrounded by mountains and sadness, the fine people of West Virginia somehow, make it work..

Today we find Cadryn and Natalie sitting in the cab of an old 1994 Mazda pickup. The same pickup Cadryn used as a daily driver for most of his adult life, until his break in the XWF. The two lovebirds are parked in a parking lot on the outskirts of town. The parking lot belonging to a once thriving mall, full of life and the ideal place to take your family on weekends. Now, a broken shell of it's former self, it sits empty and decrepit.

Cadryn: You know, it’s crazy, babe. I can remember coming here when I was a kid. This place used to be the talk of the town, and now look at it. It’s just an eyesore. I know with you growing up in North Carolina, you didn’t get to experience this place, but it was the greatest place ever as a kid. Between the Aladdin's Castle arcade, Hot Sam’s Pretzels, and The Wall aka Sam Goody, it was the best.

Natalie: I’m sure it was, honey. It’s a shame that this town is so run down and abandoned that they can’t even keep a mall in business.

Cadryn: I know, it’s a shame. Everytime I come home, I want it to be different. I want these people to have realized their mistakes and to have learned from them, but they haven’t. It’s always the same, the manage to make it work, somehow..

Cadryn grabs his wife by the hand and begins squeezing it gently.

Cadryn: How does this make you feel, Barney? How does it make you feel to know that you’ll never have a love like this? That you’ll struggle day in and day out just trying to find that sad excuse for a penis between your legs, just so you don’t accidentally piss on your nuts again. I imagine that you probably smell like a mix of dirty asshole, and KY lubricant. I mean, honestly, dude, how full does a pocket pussy get before you have to empty it out? I imagine that on any given day, I could walk into your room, probably in some shit hole of an apartment that never gets cleaned, and see you laying waste to a fake pussy. Probably wearing some goddamn nasty ass socks that should be white, but are actually green because you’re too much of a fucking slob to change those bitches. That would require too much effort on your part. You’d rather sit in a fucking computer chair all day long and play Eve Online, while occasionally tabbing out to check you Tinder account… Oh look, no messages. Even spammer accounts won’t show your dirty ass any love. Hell, we all know you spend the little time away from your fake poon sweating, eating, and drinking enough soda pop to kill a small fucking mongoose. Goddamn, boy. What makes you think you’re even fit to step into the ring with me? I’m the Essence Of Excellence, son. I’ve made a name for myself beating little wannabe legends like yourself. Why don’t you call up Chris Chaos and ask him about the sheer ass whippin’ I laid upon him. You seem to think that anyone actually gives a shit that you’re back in the XWF. Well whoopty fuckin’ doo, goddamn Barney Green is back, y’all. Ain’t nobody throwing you a party, fat boy. You wanna talk to me about entertaining fans? ME? I’m the fucking king of entertainment around here. People come from all around to see me do what I do week in and week out. The only thing your ass is entertaining is the idea of catching the early bird special at the local buffet. Your right hand isn’t numb from talking on the internet, no, no, my friend. Your hand is numb because you spend most of your time sitting on it, in hopes that giving yourself a stranger will fill the void in your less than spectacular life. You disgust me. I’m the Epitome Of Manliness, while you’re the complete opposite. Laughable at best, your attempt to whittle away at me with words. You’re right though, Barney. You are just an average fat guy. Those feelings you feel when your music hits and all that bullshit? It’s probably just congestive heart failure, big man. I’d sit the fuck down, before I sit you down. Oh, hah! I see that you named your pocket pussy, Randi. That’s cute, dude. You actually think anyone or anything could love you? Have you looked at yourself? You’re grotesque, you’re ignorant, and you’re boring. I’ve already experienced pain and agony, just from reading your boring ass promo. I tell you what, kid, I’ll give you lessons. Free of charge. Because on Wednesday, I’m takin’ that ass to school. Weapons are for pussified men who can’t accomplish anything with their God given talent.

Natalie relinquishes the hold on her husband's hand and gives him a look of disapproval.

Natalie: I thought you said you weren’t going to be working while we we’re visiting this week, Cadryn?

Cadryn puts his head down, scolded by Satan’s Apprentice herself..

Cadryn: I know, honey! But you saw what that idiot had to say! Talkin’ bout’ he “Still has something left in the tank.” We all know damn well the only thing left in that tank is cheeseburgers and high cholesterol. Hell, at this point, his bodies running on grease, and hopes and dreams!

Natalie looks at Cadryn, disappointed, angry, and psychotic, why? Because: Woman.

Natalie: Well, regardless, you’re done. At least until we get back to Texas. Do I make myself clear?

Cadryn puts his head down ashamed, discontent with the instructions he had been given.

Cadryn: Yes, ma’am.

Cadryn starts his truck, as the two head back towards town, towards his parents house, where the two of them are staying.

(To Be Continued..)

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