Fade into an interior shot.

BALANCE IN ALL THINGS

These words appear on-screen on a gold background. A pan back of the camera reveals they are etched on a small gold tablet which in turn is attached to…



Further panning reveals that the set of scales sit on a small table in front of a familiar orange fuzzy recliner. This clearly puts us in the home base of our hero the Prince of Pranks and leader of the #KJXWFT51 movement. Sitting in the chair, chin in hands and looking rather…introspective is our hero Killjoy.

KILLJOY: It is amazing what one can find just lying around. This set of scales don’t even belong to me. I just found it in the back of a closet. I think it might have belonged to the guy who I bought this little home base of mine from.

Now, usually I am not one for deep, philosophical thoughts. But considering the situation I find myself in this coming Wednesday…

Killjoy sits back, folding his arms across his chest and continuing to stare intently at the scales

KJ: Despite a rather…painful set-back at the Lethal Lottery (and for the record I think Whiskey Bob/Robbie Bourbon plays a bit too rough for my tastes…) I must continue the good fight as far as my goal of becoming the last of the best aka the XWF Top 51. At least I find myself in an environment a little more tailored to success (nothing against Cadryn, he seems like a good kid and has a bright future provided he remembers to brush twice a day after his cereal binges…). I seem to thrive a little better in the chaos of a triple threat than anything else.

KILLJOY: *scratches his chin thoughtfully* Usually I try to work towards a ‘play both ends towards the middle’ scenario in matches like this. You know the drill: convince one that the other is saying nasty things and so on. Then during the match, I poke at the other two while they pound on each other and then swoop in like a majestic purple eagle. But…this time around it might not work out so well. I mean, look at what I got to work with.

*motions to the left side of the scale* We start off with this new kid, this Timbits guy. He sounds like some sort of doughnut magnate from up north wanting to moonlight as a wrestler. Then again, considering what he ‘shared’ with the XWF fans about himself I can guess why he really wears the mask. *eye twitch* I mean, sure I can understand a bit of why he has such a thing against clowns. I mean, I never was all that impressed by those folks either. Slapstick requires one to see the reaction on your face, and covering it up in garish colors and grease paint dilutes the expression.

KJ: But let’s make one thing clear Mr Timbits: I am not a clown. I may act like one from time to time, but there is a clear difference between our tribes of comedy. Clowns live strictly for making folks happy, but a prankster exists for the purposes of teaching humility. Ego left unchecked is a terrible thing…

…but then again, I suspect you might understand that a bit more than you are letting us think. After all, around the XWF wearing your scars proudly tends to be the trend. Sure, it might take a bit of effort to detach that mask *eye twitch* from the rest of you but I bet you like pain both the self-inflicted type and doing it to others.

But a piece of advice from a guy who is not a rookie despite what some folks in the backstage area say: having a high tolerance for pain isn’t a guarantee that you can exceed in this business. After all, holing you shoulders to the mat for three seconds is painless…

And don’t think I forgot about that man of the cloth that hangs around you. Religion is another one of those things I have mixed opinions about. I can understand the idea of needing something to believe in for daily motivation. But believing in some sort of all-powerful unseen being? Omnipotence is just another fuel for the ego fire, and you all know how I hate oversized egos.

Killjoy shifts in his seat, taking a moment to rub his face with his hands. He takes a deep breath through his nose, holds it then releases it slowly.

KILLJOY: Just in case any of you kids out there are still wondering whether the stuff we do in the ring is ‘real’, let me tell you I am hurting. But like a true professional I will push through the pain and do my job.

…and on the topic of ‘professional’ that brings me to the other side of the scales as far as my opponents are concerned. We have the suit-and-tie wearing, lizard liberating madman called Tommy Nixon.

Killjoy gazes at the right side of the scales, and briefly reaches over to tap at it. The sides of the machine wobbles briefly before evening out

KILLJOY: At first glance I should be suspicious of a guy like this given he goes around all straight-laced and dressed up like that. He looks more like he would be at home in an office or a board meeting, yet I understand he is an accomplished wrestler. Then they tell me he heads some group that apparently fights for the rights of lizards…

…

…yeah, lizards.

I mean, I have nothing against lizards. I used to have a pet chameleon named Ziggy when I was just a little Killjoy. I would feed him candy…

…

…

…

…get back on topic Killjoy. Darn near-concussion…

It just strikes me as a bit…like a cover-up, you know? I’ve been around the block enough times to know that everyone’s ‘bio’ tends to leave out vital information. Vital information like…I don’t know…the organization they created for animal protection is just a front for some sort of world-domination scheme. What is it with us wrestlers and world domination? Whiskey Bob…Tommy Nixon…this is an epidemic.

The Prince of Pranks stares moodily at the scales.

KJ: But on the other…other hand? How many hands? Darn it…

Killjoy presses down on one arm of the recliner. A lid pops open to reveal what appears to be a small refrigerated space installed in the chair. He reaches through the condensed mist pouring out of the container to pull out a frosty bottle of soda pop. He twists the cap off and takes a long pull of the beverage.

KILLJOY: I came across this sugar free cherry cola the other day. I think I’m addicted to it. I hope Dr Pepper forgives me.

Where was I? Oh right. Tommy Nixon and his remarkable track record as a champion. He seems to have found a decent niche in XWF as part of a three man squad. But this isn’t a tag match, is it? This is something you must do all on your own…

…all on your own.

…

…

…

Hmmm…

…

…

…

Killjoy chews his lip in thought

KJ: Maybe…maybe Tommy is on to something…

END