DATELINE: SOMETHING SOMETHING 20XX

LOCATION: THE…KILLJOY KAVE…?


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…OK. IT’S THAT ROOM WITH THE FUZZY ORNAGE CHAIR KILLJOY USES AS A HOME BASE FOR PROMOTIONAL VIDEOS.

Taking part in the XWF’s world tour, our hero Killjoy finds himself emotionally torn upon hearing the news: he has been placed in a falls count anywhere Carnival Parade match against “The Dark Warrior” Micheal Graves.

???: *singing from somewhere off screen* I love a parade!!!

While eager to further his quest to become the XWF Top 51, he finds himself worried…

???: I wouldn’t say ‘worried’…

…about facing one of the few people in the current XWF to whom he has a modicum…

???: Heh…you said ‘modi’…

…of respect for, but due to misunderstanding-slash-timing error has apparently upset…

???: Of course, it’s always hard to tell when a guy like Mikey is upset. I mean the guy’s whole gimmick is brooding so you can never tell if he is ‘in the zone’ or just being himself…I mean, the guy is no Trent Gein…

Could you at least come out here to interrupt me? I can handle following the script but I would like to at least see you so I can play off your expressions.

???: What, and ruin the punchline?

Fine, but it won’t be a very visually entertaining promo…

???: It’s not the medium, it’s the message. Go ahead and look up that phrase kids, you might learn something…

…so…

*the sounds of fabric moving, not unlike the sounds of clothing being putting on or off a human body*

KILLJOY: I find myself genuinely torn this time around kids. I want to further the #KJXWFT51 movement and have been given an awesome place to spread the word. And that doesn’t even bring into account the fact that it during the middle of a parade. A parade people! Most sane or reasonably sane people (of which I happily admit to being) love parades! A huge audience of receptive people to listen to why yours truly should be considered the bottom of the top…

…but…

*more sounds of clothing and now movement from off-screen*

KJ: *sigh* I know that there are some of you folks out there who let their younger kids watch us XWF folks. I want you to bring those younger ones into the room, cause the Prince of Pranks is about to drop some life lessons onto you. I can wait…and I can use some practise. You have…oh, a minute and a half. But up the graphic and start the countdown!

A large, old-fashioned alarm clock appears on screen reading 3:45 pm…

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…and then the alarm goes off after (hopefully 90 seconds)

KILLJOY: Ok, are the little ones here? Good. OH, and don’t be afraid. Killjoy is just off-screen for the moment, so don’t be afraid if you can’t see me right now.
There are times in one’s life where you might have a misunderstanding with someone you respect. That is what has happened between me and Mikey Graves. You see, Mikey wanted us to have a…well, let’s call it an adult play date. But unfortunately for Mikey I already had plans for that…er…day.

Now, as I am sure you might expect Mikey was a little…miffed about it. I mean, I have not a blessed thing against Mikey. He’s one of the few folks around the current XWF that I still recognize (though I really wish he would use less make-up than he does. Face paint is bad for the complexion Mikey.) But I am a prankster of integrity. And I have always been the ‘first come, first served’ type of guy when it comes to partnerships and so on.

But now all I have been getting for the last week or so have been angry (and might I say, kind of graphic) text messages and emoji-only messages from Mikey.

The sounds of…something moving rather gingerly off-camera can be heard coming closer to the scene

KILLJOY: And naturally with the mood Mikey is in I find myself having to face him in a falls count anywhere match. You all know just how crazy those kinds of matches are. And while I am all for crazy, I don’t care for crazy in an emotional, you-broke-our-bromance-now-I-break-your-face sort of situation.

But, thanks to the matchmaking gods I have been tossed a heck of a bone.
You see, under any other circumstances I might be at a disadvantage in a match like this with a guy like Mikey. But this isn’t some backstage thing, oh no…

Two very long, vertical lines seem to move in from camera right. Longer examination reveals that these lines are, in fact, a pair of pin-striped purple pants. A quick pan up reveals a extremely tall Killjoy, now a good ten to twelve feet tall.

KJ: Our match is taking place in the middle of a South American-style carnival parade! It’s an environment tailor-made for a guy like me. I don’t stand out at all!

Killjoy continues to walk around the room on his stilts

KILLJOY: A chaotic mass of colors and bodies all over the place. So many places to get a good angle of attack from…so many distractions…so many opportunities for spotfests and other television-friendly visuals. For a guy who puts a lot of emphasis on entertainment, this is my kind of match.

And let’s face it…Mikey, even at the best of times, will never be mistaken for a happy-go-lucky, parade-loving guy. Heck, there is a good chance that I might have to save him from the people in the parade who don’t want him around bumming everyone out.

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Killjoy, being Killjoy, makes his impassioned speech with full arm gestures. Suddenly, he begins to wobble on his stilts. His arms windmill for a moment, but he somehow regains his balance.

KJ: Ok, I admit it has been a while since I’ve been on these. But don’t worry kids, I got this…

Confidence restored, our hero attempts to walk off camera left…

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*THUMP*

KILLJOY: Right…low doorways…got to watch out for low doorways…

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…wait, how do I get out of here again?

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…aw shazbot…

FIN