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~~Ronnie Cage~~ · (01-12-2017)

Brainstorming Havoc

Noon, January 14th, 2017
Long John Silver's, Brandon, Florida

"Hey! Get that thing outta mah face, Doucheman, or Ah will break yore new favourite toy."

The camera zooms out to reveal Ronnie Cage. The zoom out isn't the smoothest and the camera is shaking a little bit, so we can tell the man controlling the camera is an amateur. A quick pan around the room reveals that Ronnie Cage and his amateur cameraman are at a Long John Silver's. Obviously somewhere in the Tampa area. There's an empty tray with empty plates and cups on it on the table, so we can deduce that they've finished their meal and are now just digesting.

"Hey, relax Ronald. I'm just trying to help our internet following get some one on one time with Satan's Superior."

Ronnie laughs. As if he cared about their internet following. The cameraman then turns the camera around on himself to reveal that he is Brandon Moore. Brandon was just trying to annoy his stable mate and temporary tag partner, and unfortunately for Ronnie, it was working. Also, it's now obvious that Brandon Moore and Ronnie Cage are at the Long John Silver's in Brandon, FL. Why is it obvious? Do you really think Brandon Moore would go be in Tampa and not spend as much time as humanly possible in Brandon fucking Florida? Come on! So of course, it's Brandon, FL.

"So. You and me. Tag teaming. When is David getting back again?"

Brandon turns the camera back on Ronnie Cage. David Stone had been gone since Christmas Eve, and, although he wouldn't admit it, Ronnie was a little worried about his best friend.

"Ah don't know. He didn't say. All Ah know is, he's takin' as much time as he needs. So until his return, it's up tew yew and me tew cause Havoc around this place."

Brandon turns the camera back on himself and makes a few funny faces before rolling his eyes.

"Riiiight. Anyway. We have a match, against Snow and Broken Hart, or is it Reeve? I don't know. The dude in the mask, but now without the mask. Now we totally kicked their asses the last time we faced them, but it's also only been 10 days since you had that match with Louis D'Ville. How are you feeling? Are you sure you're up to it? The XWF faithful are dying to know!"

"Yew know something doucherunt? Ah think Ah preferred that dipshit Steve Sayors. Somehow that clown was easier tew tolerate than yew."

Brandon laughs.

"Yeah, because if that clown got too annoying, you could hit him and knock him the fuck out. Can't do that to me. We're teammates, and as terrible as Snow and Reeve are, after your match with D'Ville, there is no way you could take them on your own."

Brandon sets the camera down on the table and props it up so both men are in view. Ronnie looks furious.

"Now listen here you cornhusking son of a bitch, Ah am just as healthy and fit as Ah was before mah match with Doc, so yew can just shut the fuck up and focus on Snowflake and Broken Reeve."

"You fucking hillbilly."

Brandon pauses for a minute and then heaves a long sigh.

"Fine. So how do you want to play this one?"

Now it's Ronnie's turn to let the silence fill the room. Finally, he smiles really big and tells Brandon what he's thinking.

"Those fuckheads didn't seem tew learn their lesson well enough the last time we fought them. So how dew Ah want tew play this one? Ah want tew beat the ever-living shit outta those dumb fucks. Ah want them to never be able tew wrestle again. Ah don't know what happened tew Reeve tew make him turn intew Broken Hart, but Ah want tew beat him so badly that he leaves again and this time, he won't come back."

Brandon nods in approval of Ronnie's thoughts, but then as if someone just told him that Santa Claus was real, a smile as big as David Stone's ego appears on his face.

"Can we analy rape them with unhusked corn?"

Ronnie doesn't seem to understand why Brandon seems so enthusiastic about this idea. It definitely wasn't the worst idea either of them had ever come up with, but Brandon was just so damn giddy about it, it sketched Ronnie out a bit.

"Ah...don't know. They might like it. Maybe."

Brandon doesn't get discouraged, he comes up with another idea to run past Ronnie.

"Okay, what about smothering them with literal sacks of shit until they tap out?"

Ronnie takes a second to assess whether Brandon is joking or not. Spoiler alert: He's not joking. Once Ronnie figures this out, a look of disgust forms on his face.

"What the fuck, Brandon!? No! Fuck no. Ah mean, Ah'm sure that would be funny as hell, but no. Where would we even get sacks full of shit? Yew know what? Ah don't want yew tew answer that."

Brandon looks a little disappointed, but then another idea comes to mind and his face lights up again.

"What about we break them in two, so they can lick their own genitalia - Marilyn Manson style."

Ronnie looks at Brandon. He shrugs, and then smiles.

"That. Now that, Ah can get behind. It does seem like yore really gettin' intew the spirit of things here at XWF. Yew're becoming just as fucked as the rest of the people here."

Brandon laughs and shrugs.

"It was bound to happen sooner or later, right?"

"Ah think we better turn this camera off before we scare away that internet following yew were talkin' about."

Brandon picks up the camera and sticks his tongue out and waves it around like a dorky parent trying to scare their kid.

"Fucking metal! Havoc out!"

OOC: Brandon Moore used with permission.

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