CAEDUS REWIND: A 36 year old Irish-German American who survived a murder attempt at the hands of a giant former friend in 2003 and has since seen the loss of all he held dear. On Christmas Eve 2016, not a week following his contract signing with the XWF, he was detained as an arson suspect but cleared of all suspicion following the subsequent investigation. In suspect fashion he made his way across the country to Times Square in time for a victorious debut X-Treme Rules match-up versus one-third of the XWF Trio Champs and PATROL member Benito Angelo. When last we saw Jim Caedus he was accepting a female XWF fan's invitation for a place to stay...



::The wife's home; I can hear the rumble and rattle of that piece of shit street-illegal '97 Ford Explorer through the open door::

The fuck is the door open for?

::The jingle of keys. The frustrated SLAM of the forced passenger side exit. Aaaaaaaaaaaand-::

Where is it?

::-hoovesteps in sand::

There it is. T-minus ten seconds. Probably won't matter that you're filling out apps on snagajob. Keep the cash hidden as a last resort. Keep it civil.

::She sweeps past the window wearing a sour expression::

Keep it civil.

"Why is the door open Jimmy?"

I was wondering that myself.

"Do you know where Amethyst is?"

"Uh, yeah," I say matter-of-factly as I uncurl my right index finger. I twist on the couch and point towards the bed, my gaze tracking confidently in that direction. "She's on the bed asleep."

::She's gone, the bedsheet askew::

The fuck?

"She's in the trailer playing with the cats dumbass. I'm so happy that while I'm at work _they_ can keep track of our daughter."

"Oh shit, no baby, no, I knew she was out there-"

Bullshit.

"-you just walked in and put me on the spot while I'm distracted with _this_ shit."

::I hold up my phone. Check it, bitch::

"What shit?"

::Holly, dubious, storms her one-hundred ninety pounds on over to snatch and inspect::

"Woooow, impressive. And how many jobs you aren't gonna get did you apply for today?"

"It isn't my fault employers up here would rather hire some illegal wetback or an 18 year old punk kid fresh outta high school over a man with my experience for less money. I fuckin' applied to UPS and got denied during the survey the moment I clicked the 'not a student' tab! Fuck does that tell you?"

"It tells me you're useless and we can't depend on you. Ever."

"Why would you say something like that-"

::Time to pull out the cash::

"-when I made cold cash for my girls today?"

::I hand it over::

How's that for dependable?

"Oh cool, whadja do this time?"

::I watch her count it, with some amount of satisfaction I might add::

Mmm-hm, d-e-p-e-n-d-a-

"A hundred forty dollars? That's it?"

You gotta be fuckin' kidding me.

"What, did you rob the Circle K in town?"

"You're right, a hundred forty dollars is only, what, almost twice the amount you earned working eight hours today? And where _are_ your earnings by the way? Oh, right, we can expect those next weekend since you only get paid twice a month. You're welcome."

"I'm sorry Jimmy, are you bringing in another hundred forty tomorrow too? You know how fast this will go? You think you're a big man contributing a few hundred a month?"

"I'm doing the best I can."

"The best you can isn't good enough for me and it isn't good enough for Amey! You eat more than a hundred forty dollars a week in groceries you mooching loser!"

What!?

::I hop up, enraged. I already want to hit her::

"Fuck did you just call me you fat fucking bitch!?"

"A mooching loser you fucking bitch!"

"And who's fault is it that I can't get a job down the hill, which I already had, because your stupid fat fucking ass ran my Lincoln off the road smoking weed behind the wheel after a graveyard shift!? Who fucking did that!?"

I hate hearing myself fight this bitch. Sometimes she gets me so goddamn flustered I sound like an idiot.

"You fucked up your own car!"

::My eyes bug, my jaw drops, my head is going to implode with incredulity as I try to wrap my mind around how her crashing my car means _I_ crashed my car. All I can muster is-::

"_WHAT_ bitch," with a roar!?

"Oooooooo. You don't fucking scare me."

Yes I do. I can hear it in your voice.

::I take a step forward and close the distance between us. She takes two steps back::

"You're so tough with your big muscles and your fucking baby dick aren't you? _I_ could kick your fucking ass!"

No...you couldn't. We've been down this road before. You know I can kill a _man_ so why...why do you do this? Why do you take it here?

"12 inches would look small next to your hippo pussy you fuckin' linebacker-lookin' fat fuck. Fuckin' you is like playin' in the mud, Holly. That's why no one likes you, that's why your family doesn't love you. No one likes a fat bitch with a fucked up attitude."

::She screams and charges me, peppering me with her fists. She lands a lucky punch to my face. I can't help myself and I lay her out with a pulled punch. She wails in pain on the floor for about half a minute then rises when no one comes to save the day::

"You're such a fucking loser! I'm taking Amey and we're lea-"

::My hands are around her throat before she can finish the threat::

"You ain't doing _shit_!"

::I throttle...hard...shaking her head with her neck in my iron grip. The mother of my child can't breathe::

"Do-"

::I squeeze harder::

"-you-"

::Harder::

"-understand!?"

::I release her with a light push. She coughs and starts crying::

You were supposed to be civil goddamn you.

"You fucking pussy!"

"Jesus Christ, baby I'm sorry. I'm sorry sweetie."

::I grab her arm as she plows past me to the door but she yanks free::

"Don't FUCKING touch me!!"

::I've had enough. I let her go::

"Fine get the fuck out."

"Fuck you!"

"Fuck you."

::I wait and listen. I hear the trailer door slam::

Goddamn right. You ain't goin' nowhere. And as for me...

"Fuck this."

::Right about now the only thing that sounds good is a fucking nap. I lie on the bed and I close my eyes::

::I awake, annoyed, with the orange glow that shouldn't exist outside my window at this hour. I sit up, prepared to yell at the neighbor Joey to stop burning his fucking trash at night, except, he ain't burning trash::

Fuck is this now?

::I yawn. I rub my eyes, then my face and I yawn again::

What is that, a fuckin' siren?

::I take my time with a half-interested saunter. I round the illegal domicile we rent and I see the lights of the fire truck approach in the night::

::Then I see my trailer in flames::

"No-no- NO! NO!!"

::I'm over at the door in a flash. I grab the handle::

"FUUUUUCK!!"

::It's red hot::

"YOU MOTHERFUCKER!! FUCK YOU!!"

::I use my shirt to protect my fingers and I fling the fucker open. Flames whip out to feed upon the now greatest source of oxygen and singe my face::

"FUUUUCK!! FUUUUUUUUCK!!"

::I look to the broken water spigot, I look to the second spigot the landlord illegally capped off two and a half months ago. It hits me. A weakness I'd never experienced before or since flows through me. I drop to my knees::

"There's nothing I can do..."

There's nothing I can do...

::There's nothing I can do::

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"First Salvo for the Sorceress"



I awake in unfamiliar surroundings and I start to panic.

'Easy, easy...you're in upstate New York, remember?'

Oh right, right.

'Or is this central? I don't fuckin' know, I fuckin' hate New York.'

That girl's condo. What was her name again?

'Marissa.'

Marissa. Yeah... Smart girl. She really does know me. She's kept herself locked up in her room at night.

'Forced entry is a little difficult to explain.'

She doesn't let me stay here alone during the day while she's at work.

'So you spend your time at the gym instead of looting.'

She's fed me, allowed me to shower. She hasn't made any attempts at-

'Your Celtic cock?'

-my loyalty towards my wife and child. She does know me. She's given me no chance whatsoever to...

'Lucky for you she hasn't. I guess you didn't notice all those cameras recording you both at Times Square? If Marissa had disappeared you'd be the last person to see her alive and the first to be a suspect.'

I'm not a fool. I know that.

'And what's that she left you before she went to bed? What is that? Is that OG?'

A two gram nug of OG from the looks of it. Hydro grown by the smell of it. And a Camel Blue Ninety-Nine.

'You don't smoke.'

No I dont. I guess she doesn't know everything. This OG may come in handy though.

'Your phone just vibrated. You've got a notification.'

Yeah hours ago. It's XWF. My opponent for the show in Antarctica...

No.

'A woman??'

Isabella Ravenwolf.

'The witch!?'

Witches. Fucking witches. I hate fucking witches as every good feminine-fucking, douche-ducking, pipe-laying, cervix-slaying man should. The Irishman in me with that deep-seeded history of Celtic black magick ain't too fond of 'em either. There also aren't any good existing racial or hate-filled slurs to call witches. Now I _really_ fucking hate this cunt. Fucking witches.

I can't be here anymore. I've got my work cut out for me.

'Door is right over there.'

I lost track of John when I took Marissa up on her offer. I'll have to film this myself on the phone.

'Get filming. Shoot on this supernatural bitch. Oh and lock the door handle behind you, it's only polite.'

............

"Do I believe in witches? Indeed, I do. Does that surprise you Isabella? It shouldn't; I was born upon a branch of Christianity and as you know, Christians, as well as the rest of those entangled in the webbing of theology regardless of beliefs, recognize witches, witchcraft and magick as Devil's Play. Furthermore, each God-by-whatever-name-fearing scripture contains an order from above to, and I'm paraphrasing here, 'kill the bitches'.

On the other hand, fuck religion. Spending eighteen years on my knees got me nothing in the long run so I have no qualms with you via venerated violence, no Christian cacklin'-cunt-killin'-crusade to account for."

'But?'

"I'm no hit-man for Heaven but I'm going to hurt you anyway."

I press the silver call button for the elevator.

"The Celts have historically taken witchcraft and witches a bit more seriously than the average Anglo and I can't deny, Isabella, the faint echo of the Emerald Isle calling out for half my ass to decapitate your pretty little four hundred year old head before setting your body ablaze.

On the other hand, half of me was never stronger than all of me. All of me doesn't care about Celtic roots so on that cruise ship I'll not go batshit-blarney on your bitchass."

'Oh here it comes again.'

"I'll not penetrate that pussy for Saint Patrick but I'll fuck you up that poopdeck anyway. I'm going to beat fractures into that magically-delicious skeletal system and I'm going to pound that broomstick, that I _know_ you have, bitch, don't deny it, right up that demon-cock-stretched pink taco of yours.

The elevator door slides open and I step in stabbing the L.

"As for my _other_ half, the Saxon side, the GerMan...well, if you know your history and the difference between Grimm and a grimoire you'll note we Germans have as little trouble, even as children, disposing of our witches as we do our Jews. Ovens, baby."

'Scheisse!'

"And while I won't töten your verboten butthole of Beelzebub with a high and mighty Heil Hansel...in the fuckin' oven you'll go anyway. Or more accurately, the merciless waters upon which Antarctica floats. Water so cold your most powerful spells and hottest potions won't be able to defrost what will undoutedly become diamond hard nips. And whether they haul you back up or you fuckin' fly up, I'm gonna bite those motherfuckers right the fuck off. Why?"

'Yes, why?'

The doors open and I step into the lobby.

"It isn't because I'm the next monster to crazy up the XWF a little bit more. I'm not a monster. I'm not crazy. I know the difference between 'right' and 'wrong' I just choose what most people traditionally refer to as wrong and I enjoy it. That makes me psychotic, that makes me sick, not crazy."

'Uh...'

"You shut the fuck up."

I pass by the front desk and out the front doors.

"It isn't because I'm looking to make a name for myself. I have a name, it's Caedus. As a witch you should be both familiar with latin as well as knowledgable of what Caedus means for your immediate future."

I pass through a consistent flow, early birds hawking for early worms.

"It isn't because I'm a woman-hating monument to masochism and manhood either. I love my wife and my daughter. That isn't to say I'm going to hold back on you, Isabella. Oh no, far from it. To be honest the thought of facing a female tickles me. Not because I think you're weak; I know very well your powers lend you enhanced strength and any woman in this business fighting men has more strength and technique than meets the eye. No, it's because I am very much a man and within me, like any other, resides the primal urge to fuck a bitch, witch or what the fuck ever; it doesn't really matter as long as attraction exists. Well it exists, sweetheart, and that pisses me off. I'll use that to my advantage, an incentive to bludgeon that fair face of yours into such an ugly stick clusterfuck paté of bloody shit not even Crimson Dong's revolting ass would gobble you up. But that still ain't my own personal justification for hurting you, Isabella."

As mean as the citizenry are said to be, I'm given a wide berth as I walk.

"The reason I'm going to viciously pummel and pin you as if my life depended on it is simple; revenge. Revenge appropriately served as recommended...ice fucking cold. Revenge for what you ask? 'I don't know you,' you say? No, you don't know me but yes, you very well fucking do. Enough blood has been spilled, enough lives lost in traumatic fashion, enough HELL has been wrought upon my life that NO ONE with your background could've missed it. From the buttfucking Hell's butlers on up through Satan's Sex Stable, to his demon king generals on up past ol' Lucy Himself to the fucking bearded in His golden fucking garden in the sky. None of you, not ONE of you did a THING to spare me and mine our tortures and THAT, Miss Isabella Ravenwolf, is why I'm going to survive what I'm sure will prove to be a punishing scene for both of us and toss your ass into the sea. I'll more than survive...I'm going to make sure you experience in some small way what I've had to endure. This is going to be a fight the likes of which you've never faced in your four hundred long years. Fuck Salem. I'm Jim Caedus."[/color]
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TBC