SCENE OPEN

Killjoy is standing outside of a large brick warehouse in an undisclosed location. A large steel overhead door stands beside a smaller standard door and what appears to be some sort of chute. There is very little distinguishing the doors or the building to it’s true purpose.

Meanwhile, the Prince of Pranks seems quite content to study a clipboard in his hands…

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KILLJOY: *looking up from the clipboard* Hey, Narrator…that was your cue!

Hrmm…what…oh, right. Sorry. It’s just it’s been so long…

KJ: Don’t worry kid. It’s just like riding a unicycle on a high wire through a flaming hoop…

…what?

KJ: *sigh* Just read the script kid.

Right…

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Once again after along, long hiatus we find our hero Killjoy, the Prince of Pranks back in the XWF. His goal: to become the undisputed number fifty-one in the XWF Top 50. But he knows he must work hard to earn that coveted spot. His first step: a challenging two falls to win triple threat match against Shandell Jones and Duke Preston.

KJ: Wrong…

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What? I mean what?

KJ: Dealing with those guys is step two.

Then…?

KJ: I gots shirts to shill!

But…isn’t it past Christmas?

KILLJOY: Is it?

I’m sure this promo is airing the day after…I think…

KJ: It doesn’t matter. These #KJXWFT51 shirts make great Boxing Day-slash-New Year’s gifts too!

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Where are we anyways?

KJ: Oh, this is where I get the shirts from…

You mean where you store them…

KJ: No, this is where I get them from. You see…*motions with the clipboard* I bring a bunch of random stuff to this place and slip it in the chute. Then within an hour or so a bunch of freshly laundered #KJXWFT51 t-shirts in various sizes come out the big door.

Seriously?

KJ: This is one of the few times I am not joking. Besides, there is a much better
punchline coming up. And now, it’s time for me to discuss my upcoming match…

…ahem…

Despite the rumors and other scuttlebutt (I love that word…scuttlebutt) I am not some poseur or fake trying to cash in on the title of Prince of Pranks. I am the same Kaleb Joyeaux that used to run roughshod…well, ok maybe not roughshod but I did run around the XWF in it’s heydays mingling with quite a few of the folks that are so nice and cozy on the Top 50 (soon to be 51 #KJXWFT51) list.

Having said that I cannot deny that it has been…a while since I actually stepped into a wrestling ring. All the purple I wear does a god job of hiding the ring rust. I don’t doubt that the first Wednesday of 2017 could be an uphill battle for me. I mean, not only is it a triple threat match pitting me against two (I assume) of the decent ‘new blood’ guys in the company but it is also two falls to a finish…

Sheesh…you’d think they were taking sports entertainment…seriously.

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BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!

The Prince of Pranks breaks into near uncontrollable laughter. He is so stunned with humor, he leans against the wall of the building and slowly slides to the ground. Now on his hands and knees he bangs his fist onto the ground all the while giggling madly.

A single piece of discarded newspaper drifts by

KILLJOY: Oh…oh…*wheezes*…I…I needed that. It…was getting way, way too serious there. I mean *begins to pick himself up off the ground* this is the XWF we are talking about. ‘Over the top’ is the baseline for this open-air asylum we call home, am I right kids? And I am as nutty as the next guy.

Don’t get me wrong, winning is nice. But I consider seeing either one: the fans rolling in the aisles and/or two: my opponent (or opponents depending on the situation) humbled to be the final word in personal success. Case in point…

You mentioned ‘random stuff’ to get your…er...merchandise…?

KJ: Nicely done. You see, your getting the hang of it again. Hang tight…

KILLJOY races off screen, but as he does a graphic appears in his place:

#KJXWFT51

The Prince of Pranks returns pushing a large shopping cart crammed full of…

Um…is that what I think that is?

KILLJOY: You know, it is amazing what one can find just lying around. Or not being watched all that carefully by so-called ‘customer service agents’ or even ‘event security’…

The shopping cart is full of all sorts of things: t-shirts, posters, key chains, towels, an assortment of foam paraphernalia and other things. Spilling out of the bottom appears to be dozens and dozens of autographed pictures of…

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Oh, wait…I think I get it…

KJ: Get? What is to get?

I recognize some of those things. Those are all from the merchandise tables at XWF events…

KJ: *making no attempt to be anything but sarcastic* Is that a fact?!

And I am sure those are the autographs of SHANDELL JONES and DUKE PRESTON…

KJ: Really? I never noticed. I just…grabbed a few handfuls of stuff when no one was looking…

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Hey, don’t give me that look! I don’t consider it ‘stealing’ when there is a surplus. I mean, the guys at the tables were literally trying to give this stuff away. It seemed no one wanted to buy any of their stuff. Makes you wonder, doesn’t it? I mean, if they are so unpopular that they XWF merchandise machine is drowning in unsold product why would they bother selling it? Mind you, from what I saw the stuff with that JONES fellow had his name on was too expensive. And the only thing that had any connection to that DUKE were flowery island shirts…

KILLJOY picks at one of the shirts gingerly. There is a mild look of disgust on his face.

KJ: I mean seriously. Take some pride in your merch. And look at this…*picks up what looks like a very fancy Rolex watch* This is supposedly the kind of timepiece that this SHADELL JONES fellow wears. He is so *makes air quotes with his fingers* fancy. You don’t see me using such a gaudy thing to tell time.
Give me my old pocket watch I got for being Prankster of the Year any day…

Our hero’s rant is suddenly interrupted by a loud, gong-like tone reverberating through the alley. The large door of the warehouse begins to rise, sending a plume of violet smoke rolling out of the building. The smoke prevents anyone from being able to look inside the building. But within a moment a large cart filled with six large cardboard boxes slowly rolls out. There doesn’t appear to be anyone pushing the cart.

KILLJOY: And there you have it kids, a fresh delivery of #KJXWFT51 t-shirts ready for the masses. And just to make sure I don’t run low on this hot commodity…

KILLJOY proceeds to push the cart laden with SHANDELL JONES and DUKE PRESTON merchandise into the building through the purple smoke. The cart disappears into the depths of the building, and soon the overhead door slams shut with a loud crash.

KJ: Ok kid, it’s time for the punchline for this promo. Are you ready?

I think so…

KJ: OK, go for it…

So, for you to further your attempts to create a Top 51 list you have taken the low selling merchandise of your opponents and turned it into shirts to further your cause. You have proven the old adage…

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GIGO…?

KILLJOY: Garbage in…gold out. HA!

And with that, KILLJOY grabs hold of the cart laden with his message of being
on a list and marches down the street yelling:

KJ: Get your #KJXWFT51 t-shirt here! Tell the world you want to see the Prince of Pranks in the Top 51! All sizes…only comes in purple…

FIN