Robbie Bourbon meets Barney Green in a Last Man Standing match at Savage Saturday Night. The Last Man Standing match is often the most brutal form of combat within a wrestling ring, and two superheavyweight monsters going at it can only increase the brutality.

A superheavyweight monster and a dying star, on the other hand...

IRRESISTABLE

We open to see Robbie Bourbon. He's holding a sledge in one hand, a large one, easily fifteen pounds. Besides him is a boulder.

So, Barney Green, huh?

You know, there was a time I really wanted nothing more than to face the man. A proper brawler, guaranteed to give me the fight of my life as I worked at trying to pick him apart, piece by piece. Instead, now, now I just see a shell of what used to be a monster. A brawler without the heart or fire to go on any further, a waste of air that won't fight any more, instead going off on a nostalgia tour about how brutal his matches were, about the beatings he can take, about the abuse and damage that has been thrown at him and he can keep on walking, keep on fighting, keeping on his keeping on.

Blah, blah, blah.

Barney Green hasn't taken a beating as far as I'm concerned.

Barney Green has never stepped into the ring with Robbie Motherfucking Bourbon before.

It's wonderful, Barney, that you're going out and doing what you do for the people. It's adorable that you're going out on one last tour around with the crew, for one last spin of fights before you finally sputter out and call it a career.

I'ma call it a career for you, Barney. I'ma do what it is I do for the people and bring the high holy ruckus that only Robbie Bourbon can bring, I'ma bring an asswhoopin' to your failing, harmless, hapless body that will define your career.

Because when people talk about Barney Green after he's gone, they're going to talk about what Robbie Bourbon did to him.

Robbie swings the hammer at the boulder and it is smashed to smithereens.

You can't break me, Barney, but you, you're already busted.