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Hunter Payne · (10-05-2016)

*The following contains mature content not suitable for anyone under the age of 18. Viewer discretion is advised.*

[Image: 2017-Nissan-Altima-release-date.jpg]

Driving down a winding rural road, in his 2017 Nissan Altima, Payne & Joy are enjoying the countryside. Normally big city folks, whenever P&J go through the small country towns like this it gives them a nice breath of fresh air. Literally, have you ever breathed in big city air? Very toxic.

Hunter is currently banged up after his Disneyland street fight with Bearded War Pig, a match that HE WON for the record. He was actually just released from the hospital a few hours ago. He probably shouldn’t be the one driving honestly. Proof of that? He is still wearing the damn hospital wristband! Yep, Hunter is in no condition to be driving. Nevertheless, Hunter is adamant in his belief that he is STILL a better driver half-dead, than Joy (and all women really) is being a normal, fully functioning, human being. So he insisted that he would be the one to drive his new car. In the passenger seat, Joy is singing to Hunter at the top of her lungs, she is singing a song by Ariana Grande. She’s actually pretty decent. The vocal distraction is actually helping Payne cope with his pain.

“BABBBY BABBBY I! OOH BABY! MYY BABBBY!

ALL I’M TRYNA SAY IS YOU’RE MY EVERYTHINGG BABYY!!

BUT EVERY TIME I TRY TO SAY IT WORDS THEY ONLY COMPLICATE IT!!

BABY!! BABY!!”

After her jam, some stupid car insurance commercial comes on, causing Joy to turn off the radio after her great performance. With the temporary distraction now gone, Hunter remembers he is still in a great deal of agony. Joy lays against her husband’s broad biceps, snuggling with his arm, and starting a conversation.

How you feeling babe?

I feel like I was hit by a semi-truck. Let’s see, the doctor said, on top of a ton of contusions and lacerations, I also have 3 cracked ribs, and a minor concussion, and he strongly advises me not to wrestle this week.

So what do you wanna do?

Oh, there is no way I’m missing this match! Are you kidding? Not only is it for the television title, but I also get to put this little girl in her fucking place!

Did you get a chance to see “her” last promo?

I haven’t.

Well, if I saw the promo correctly, I would think you’re wrestling Paul Heyman this weekend. Seeing as he is the only one who mentioned you.

Makes sense. What did he say?

Oh you know, same old Paul Heyman copy and paste, fill in the blank promo. “My name is Paul Heyman. My client is blank and they are the biggest baddest person ever! My client has a finisher and they will use that finisher on you! You’ll be lucky to make it out alive against my client blank.” Generic stuff. You know if you’ve seen one Paul Heyman promo you’ve seen them all right?

But I do find it funny that Dolly Waters thinks hiring Paul Heyman will somehow help her career. The failed businessman doesn’t exactly have a great track record. He ran ECW… into the fucking ground. Although, poor Dolly is so young, she probably doesn’t even know what ECW was, or how poorly her manager ran it. But maybe he is a better ringside manager right? I don’t think so, who were some of his clientele?

There’s Brock Lesnar.

Oh, the guy who just ruined his reputation and cost the UFC millions by using performance enhancing steroids? Great job with that one Paul.

CM Punk?

The guy who just got his ass kicked in the UFC in less than 2 minutes? Yep, that sounds like a Paul Heyman client.

Ryback?

HA! How’d that work out for him?

Curtis Axel?

I refer you to my last answer.

And Dolly Waters?

Yes, the broke girl with daddy issues turns to a fat old man with a ponytail for career advice. In other words, every amateur porno ever. They don’t need to paint the picture any clearer for me, I think we can vividly see the kind of sick shit that must be going on between them. But that’s all hearsay until we can get detective Guppy Parsh on the case.

Let’s focus on what is not hearsay, Dolly Waters dominated last Saturday night, when she eliminated absolutely nobody on her way to winning the Television championship! Seriously, all she did was fucking stand there. That means Vinnie or Frodo could have literally booked a fucking scarecrow in the match and it would’ve accomplished as much, if not, more than she did.

Last Saturday night was MY night! They could’ve booked me against anyone and I would’ve won. They could have booked me against the ghost of Mark fucking Flynn and I still would have had my hand raised as the victor! Face it, if I was in the championship match, I would’ve won! Hands down. And everyone knows it.

Now understand Joy, I don’t like Bearded War Pig. Look at what he did to me! Seriously, fuck that guy! But give credit where credit is due. If he was in Dolly’s match, he would’ve won.

That means the only reason why she is champion right now is because the two best performers that night weren’t in her match. Which has got to sting a little bit for Dolly Waters and company, knowing they got outperformed by the undercard.

But all will be made right in less than a week. When I show up to San Juan, Puerto Rico. Hear the roar of my people. Walk into the ring as The People’s Champion, and in less than 15 minutes, walk out of the ring the XWF Television Champion!

Plus, unlike her last promo, Paul Heyman can’t help her. He’s been banned from ringside.

As if that would even matter! Not Paul Heyman, Dolly Waters, Muddy Waters, Reverend Waters, Roger Waters, Bearded War Pig, Time limits, Trump’s Wall, NFL kicking nets, Nothing absolutely Nothing is going to stop me from winning the Television Championship! Besides, the whole company knows I have the best manager. Dolly can have her Walrus, because Hunter has his Goddess.

Aww! I love you!

I love y… OH SHIT!

Hunter looks in his rear-view window to see the ominous police siren. Distracted by all the devastating trash talk he was delivering, Hunter now knows he is being pulled over. Also known as, Every black and brown person’s worst nightmare, being pulled over in a predominantly white, rural area. An almost certain death sentence, Hunter’s life begins to flash before his eyes… Nevermind, Joy’s mouth snaps him back to reality.

Everything is gonna be okay babe.

If I don’t make it, just know that I love you… Also, don’t let any of those sick fucks from the XWF fuck with my dead body please.

Hunter pulls over and starts panting heavily. Though it may seem dramatic, this is the case everyday if you are a minority. Yes, police stops aren’t just a cautious tale for those who misbehave, if you are a person of color, it is also dice roll. Do you know what happens if you crap out? Let’s ask Ray Peterson. Oh wait, we can’t. Because he crapped out and got murdered by the deadliest gang around, American Law Enforcement.

Joy is padding her breasts, showing as much cleavage as possible. She pulls down her sun visor and looks at her reflection. She plays with her hair, puckers her lips for sex appeal, and of course, makes her tits as perky as possible.

I can flirt my way out of this, watch!

Not unless she’s a dyke.

Hunter notices from his side mirror that it is in fact, a female officer. An attractive one at that. Her male partner must've called out, because she appears to be alone. This could be a good thing, females tend to be a lot less dickish than their male counterparts. But, imagine how much the boys in the back would make fun of him if he got killed by a female cop. Not a good spot for Hunter. The officer pulls up to the open driver side window.

License and registration.

Excuse me! Do you have a probable cause for pulling us over today?!

Damn! Joy went from ready to flirt to ready to fight.

Shouldn’t you be the one asking me that, sir?

You’d be surprised officer.

Hunter hands his license and registration over to the officer. She quickly glances at it and hands them back. While Hunter reaches out to grab, the officer notices the wristband from the hospital.

Did you just come out of the hospital sir? What were you in for?

That’s none of your business!

Well, that really pissed off the officer.

That’s it! Ma’am step out of the car!

”Damn it Joy!” Hunter thought to himself. Joy exits the car and slams the door behind her. Where’s this attitude coming from? The concussion must be kicking in, because Hunter is having a hard time concentrating. One moment the female cop is body searching Joy, the next she is in the back of the police cruiser. The cop eventually comes back, and she gives Hunter the “come here” signal with her index and middle finger, so he obliges.

Once outside, she spreads him out against his car and searches him. First, feeling his wide shoulders, groping them. Working her way out, she feels his big arms, probably enjoying it very much. Slowly, going down to his ribs, oh no!

OWW!

What?

I cracked my ribs the other day officer. That’s why I was at the hospital.

You should’ve told me sooner. How’s this feel?

The female officer begins lightly massaging the muscles around Hunter’s ribcage. It feels sooo good! Hunter begins to receive bloodflow towards the nether regions of his body. He accidentally moans, emphatically telling the officer he enjoyed it. Hunter is absolutely terrified to look towards the squad car, Joy is probably losing her mind looking at this.

After the massage, she works her way down his back, to his butt and firmly grabs it. Hunter can’t believe he’s being objectified like this. At least she’s not a dude! he thought. After quite a few squeezes she reaches around and, oh no!

Why are you hard?

Now, in Hunter’s defense, there is nothing hotter than a woman grabbing your dick against your will. Perhaps it’s the concussion again, but Hunter is unable to come up with a witty response, so he decides to stay silent. The female officer keeps feeling that area for another minute or so, practically jacking off Hunter over his pants. After feeling what she wanted, the officer didn’t even bother searching Hunter’s legs.

Here’s the deal. I'm gonna take your girlfriend downtown on a resisting arrest charge.

She’s my wife, and please don’t. Be cool.

Okay, because I like you, and I hate her, I want you to give me a kiss. Just because I want to see her lose her mind.

Hunter still scared to look over towards Joy’s direction. It’s a very strange request. He eventually agrees to the officer’s request.

Muah!

Hunter went in for a peck and got a whole lot more. We can hear Joy screaming through the police car’s sound-proof glass. At least she kept her word and released Joy. Hunter quickly got in his car and avoided eye contact with Joy. While the officer leaves, Joy joins Hunter in the car.

After ten minutes of complete silence. Hunter finally decides to look at Joy. He slowly peeks to see his wife glaring at him. It is such a different atmosphere than how we started this thing. Joy takes a long deep inhale before her scheduled shouting match. It’s about to get real. “Fuck!” Hunter thinks to himself, as he is about to receive the scolding of his lifetime.

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