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Chris Chaos · (10-03-2016)

Back home in Clearwater, Chris and Bruce sat around the television, watching all the XWF promo’s and making fun of the two-bit losers in most of them. God these people sucked. He couldn’t wait until he was Savage Champion and didn’t have to lower himself to the standards of these mid-carders anymore. Isabella had finally opened her mouth, along with Nico-----Nico, jeez. He almost felt bad for the kid. Mentally, emotionally, physically, he was just not up to snuff in a match of this caliber.

Chris leaned back in his chair, taking a sip of his water. He thought about that beer can still sitting in the fridge, “the last can standing”. He thought it was a clever idea, a clever slogan. Better than anything his opponents in this match came up with. Hell Paul Heyman had gone senile, Silver has become a mute, Kitt Kennedy is delusional with his fake ‘resume’, and Nico doesn’t understand what ball busting it. What kind of water heads were they employing here? Seems like anyone with “wrestled in high school” can get a professional wrestling job these days.

…..The promo had just ended, and Chris was happy he had DVR for these moments. “Bruce, Rewind that, would ya?”

Bruce hit rewind and Chris took a sip of his water, forcefully bringing the bottle down and casuing water to spill on his shirt when he saw the part he wanted to re-evaluate. It was Nico Lavey on the screen, the pathetic little skidmark he is.

Quote:Where did you get this information? It says right on the XWF website that I'm 260 lbs. Does my suit really make me look that lanky? I guess wearing pretentious shades takes up too much of your time to even learn base knowledge about me.

“Does he not know what ball busting is?” Chris asked Bruce. “I said he looked like he was 100 lbs. soaken wet because he, to me, is a tiny little dingleberry on the poop shoot of life. He is tiny compared to me anyway. I didn’t think he would get all butt-hurt over it. It’s called breaking balls man, it’s what guys do.”

Bruce rewound a little more.

Quote:…have you seen anything that I've done in the XWF? Because most of the time my wife Ophelia is right by me. In fact, she's pretty much always within twenty feet of me. Whenever we're separated, we aren't for very long. And when have I ever played cards on camera? Like, how did you even come to that assumption? I dress nice and have have an affinity for a good drink, but does that really make me a hustler?

“No. Honestly I haven’t seen anything he has done because frankly, he bores me. I even told you I didn’t care about Dillinger being the IC champ. I care about me, and me only. But that being said I DID check his XWF roster page and it DOES say? It reads: “Want to indulge in a little blackjack? Bet on some hobo fighting? Get a prostitute for the night? Buy a sex slave until you get bored of her and kill her? Nico LaVey is happy to help. “

“Excuse me for assuming that Mr. Lavey has NEVER partaken in any of these events. Wherever did I get that idea? I am going to kick this chump’s head off his shoulders just because he bores me to death. Fuck him, I don’t even want to talk about him. Who’s next?”

Bruce hit play on the second recorded promo. Kitt Kennedy was back at it again. After sifting through the nonsense (which was most of it) there was a part that Chris felt the need to rant about, since this was a rant session.

Quote:As for the other placeholder in my upcoming match that you mentioned, Chris, you want to see my resume? You want to see what I have accomplished? I’ll send you the DVD set of the DIWF’s greatest moments in history. Every title I won, every big match that I headlined, it’s all right there for everyone to see.

“Bruce, you know, I just don’t get it. I mention in promo’s sometimes about Phoneix Wrestling an everyone tells me ‘get over it, its in the past, you’re here now, nobody cares...’…..well, then, Mr. Kennedy, I will say the same. SHUT THE FUCK UP. Nobody gives two fucks about your old company---and for you to be headlining there, they aren’t a reputable wrestling company anyway. DIWF...pssht, sounds like an abbreviation for a sexually transmitted disease. This is a what have you done for me lately business and while you have been here you have done NOTHING. Sure, 2-0. Yippee. You beat Luna and that scrub McBride. I don’t fight on Warfare often but if I did I would have beaten the bricks off that boy by now too. Keep patting yourself on the back over your minor in ring accomplishments and leave the title winning to the real stars. You aren’t special, Kitt. In fact, you flat out suck. I’m coming for you first. Prepare yourself.”

Bruce fast forwarded until he saw Isabella’s. Chris listened intently. He did, though he thought she was bat shit crazy, have a small shred of respect for this chick. She pushed him to the edge.

“Well, at least she didn’t talk about eating newborns and reincarnating monkey’s this time. That’s a positive.”

Bruce nodded.

“But she did say something interesting……”

Quote:Yes, you're going to have to kill me to every keep me down. There is only one tiny problem with that. I can't be killed love.

“Oh, she must know what turns me on. I love a new challenge. I didn’t get the job done last time, but this time will be different. When I am done knocking these other fucknuggets around and eliminating them, I will set my sights on her. Maybe we can team up, eliminating all the rest and take turns torturing that little brat Dolly when have the 1 on 1 re-match we are entitled to. It is what Savage deserves. You know I enjoy toying with her too. Like a cat on a mouse it caught. I WILL kill it, but I’ll have a little fun with it first.”

“How about Dolly, have anything else to address on her?” Bruce asked.

“I thought my Paul Heyman impersonation was Emmy worthy. I think I said all I need to say about her. I know she is going to have Paul Heyman say something else about me, or maybe she will open her trap and say it herself, but it doesn’t matter Bruce. Seriously, what can she say? I have the win loss record here to prove my dominance, nobody in that locker room wants to face me. I already beat her father, and set him on fire. What could she possibly have against me that I haven’t already heard. Sure, I loss to Drake Knight in a match I didn’t prepare correctly for, and Dillinger out smarted me. Does she seriously think that shocks me? I mean she has NOTHING on me other than over the top childish, corny insults thrown at me by a washed up overweight Jew. Seriously, why even waste my time?”

Bruce nodded, he understood.

“Savage needs a champion like me, because I command respect. I demand it. And I have earned it. Lets be real here, not a single person in this match has the track record that I do. Not a single person has the drive, the desire, the fight. None of them have the skill. Isabella may be just as crazy, but I have the size, the speed and the skill over her. It is just a matter of time. I am the champion that a show called Savage needs. Not these clowns. So they can say what they want, whatever they want, however they want to whoever they want---it is all taken with a grain of salt. The TRUTH is that not a single one of them deserve to hold my wrestling tights for me while I am in the shower. The TRUTH is that Kitt Kennedy, Kristen Silver, Isabella Ravenwolf, Nico Lavey and that little slut Dolly Waters are not, will not be, and cannot be on my level. I am clearly the favorite here, Bruce, which means I have a target on me. I wouldn’t be surprised if they all try to gang up to get me out first. That is okay. I will take them all out myself if I have to. You can’t fight desire Bruce….and I want this more than I’ve wanted anything in my entire life. I want this more than I wanted Nicole back all those years ago…….”

Bruce raised his eyebrows. “Goddamn, man, that is a lot. You almost killed yourself over her. You burned down a church and killed her par---”

“Shush” he put his finger to Bruce’s lips. “That is for another time. Come on, the Brown Boxer is still open, let’s go get a brewski and look at the open Gulf.”

“It’s nighttime, it will just be a black abyss”

“I know”.

6+6+6+6+

“Tisk tisk tisk. All of you fools have said a lot of mean, mean things. Things that were frankly untrue. The worst of them was that you were going to win this six pack challenge and the Savage Title and not me. That couldn’t be further from the truth. You all know, deep down in the recesses of your minds and hearts, that I am going to win this match and hoist that title. You all don’t want to believe it. They say the first step is acceptance. You are all clearly in denial. I mean think about what this show would be like with each of these loons as champion. But a few of them have big mouths, that is for damn sure.

Kitt Kennedy. Holy jumping fucking shit balls. This show would turn into an ego-maniacle bitch fest where the Champion drove fancy cars, did on couch interviews, fucked a pig---as Heyman put it—and had zero fashion sense. With Kitt as champion, fighting only two matches here—this show would become what Smackdown was to Raw for it’s entire history, a secondary show with a secondary champion. I will not allow that on a program I am associated with. Next think you know he would demand that all the superstars wear kilts! We just can’t have that. Hell, I wish this guy were an entrepreneur like Lavey. At least then he would have something to fall back on when he loses tomorrow night. What is going to do now? Go back to his pig wife and do couch interviews about how he got screwed. Kitt, you were 100 percent correct. There is no shame in losing to the champ. Because you lost to the best. But lets get one thing straight, I AM THE BEST. So, to beat me, THAT would be the accomplishment of your career. Fuck all that DIWF shit. BEATING ME would be the single biggest accomplishment of your career, and I just don’t think you are ready for that yet. In fact, I know your not. You will be watching from the locker room as I hold that belt over my head in the center of the ring. I guarantee it. And if you don’t think so, let me use the phrase you love so much….PROVE ME WRONG!

And Dolly….well, like I told Bruce. There isn’t really much left to say that I haven’t said. She is going to come at me and call me all sorts of names, most of which are stupid and childish, and think she is big shit because she has a bigger curse vocabulary than her father. What does she want a cookie? Well, probably. I just hope Paul Heyman packed her a lunch box with some vitaman C and some protein…..I just thought about that, it probably does have protein…...ewww….

Isabella, can you imagine her as champion? She would have all the matches fought in the shadows and would cut 20 minute promos where she sacrificed a goat in the middle of the ring. Like I honestly think that wherever she lives, her floor rug is a skinned mountain lion.

All jokes aside. When I step into the ring tomorrow night, in my home state, it will be all business. Thanks Vinnie, you just made my 3 hour round trip a business trip, and I will be coming home richer than ever.

I

WILL

BE

THE

NEW

SAVAGE

CHAMPION

….and that is the truth. You can’t handle the truth.

………...Hahah, and I dare you, especially YOU Kitt, to prove me wrong…….

Prepare to be equalized.”

XWF RECORD: 5-2-1
[Image: 0zuP6XM.jpg]

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