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Chris Chaos · (10-01-2016)

The black Jeep Wrangler roared up I4 between Tampa and Orlando. Chris was in the driver seat, and obviously someone was in the passenger seat filming. Legs could be seen at the bottom of the screen, and it looked like the person filming had a skirt and heels on. The camera zoomed on Chris’s face.

“So it has come to my attention that Dolly just can’t keep her mouth shut. I thought this was over, done with, caput. I said what I needed to say, and I thought I scared this little girl like a monster under her bed or a clown in her closet. But I guess not. My lovely manager/assistant here has informed me of yet a new promo, cut live from the Justin Bieber poster laden room of a pre-teen, or teen, or whatever the hell she is. I mean she didn’t even dress up to address me, but was wearing what looked like PJ’s. Disrespectful. Anyway’s…….I have said what I need to say and I was going to let it go, let it slide, and go win the title tomorrow night. Then I heard that her promo was pretty much 100 percent an attack on me. Like literally, she must have a crush or something. It is like when a girl or boy is mean to the opposite sex on the playground, it is because they like them and that is how they express themselves. That is fine. I am fine with it. My lovely and hot assistant also told me that she has quite the dirty mouth! Someone needs a spanking! If your father was more concerned with disciplining you instead of sticking a crucifix up his ass, maybe you would be a normal girl.

But that is fine. Whatever. She wants to attack me, fine. I am just proud she had the intestinal fortitude to do it herself instead of sending her sweaty Jew to do it. So, yeah Dolly…..I am going to say my piece one last time then close this chapter, for goo------WHAT THE FUCK! YOU ASSHOLE!”

Chris is honking at someone, slamming the steering wheel. After a few minutes of cursing, he takes a deep breath and begins to speak into the camera again.

“I hate Florida drivers. Anyways, I was saying I hope I can close this chapter for good after this. I never want to deal with you again after this. I mean, honestly, do you really think you can be a champion in this company? You can’t even go into a restaurant that serves alcohol after 9 PM in most states! I don’t think you are legally able to even be employed here! But who am I to lay down the law. My job here is to create chaos, and to break established order. So I won’t hold you to the fact that you will still be a minor for the next 4 years. I just hope you learn from this experience tomorrow night and realize that although you may be a rising star, and may be the future here, you are not cut out to roll with the big dogs. This is just not a game you are allowed to play. It is like a ‘you must be this tall to ride’ sign, and the top of your head is well below the marker. I mean she calls me dumb, then says I have had mediocre success here.”

Chris laughs, and so does the woman holding the camera.

“I wouldn’t call it mediocre. I have already stated that nobody in that locker room wants to face me. I have dominated everyone I have stepped into the ring with. I am a man and I can own up to the fact I under prepared in my first match, and I got out smarted in Cuba. But other than that, I have been virtually untouchable. I know that Savage has a 3 promo limit, but me as a man and a competitor could not hold back. If Vinnie wants to air it, that’s cool, if not, I will just get it off my chest and be done with it.

Dolly seems to have taken offense to the young comments. Well, it is true, is it not? I have no reason to lie. I did what I did to that little girl to serve a purpose….it was a metaphor for what is going to happen in the near future. Have you not learned metaphors yet? Give it a few grades, you will catch on, eventually. I have faith! Just make sure you pay attention in class and take a lot of notes.

And about being the pride of Phoenix Wrestling? I never said that. In fact I have been very open about the fact that there was a bias against me because I took out all their top stars. They made a belt for me to keep me away from the world title. They made a belt for me because they could not control me. Could not contain the chaos I caused. This is what I do, it is my M-O. Little girls like you could get hurt. Little girls like you will get hurt.

That moderate success comment bothers me. I mean, not only am I the most dominant superstar here but I have a Savage Title defense against War Pig or Hunter Payne AND a match against the leader of the Hannibal Lector fan club in the same week. Why? Punishment? No. It is because they know I can handle it. They know I am a workhorse. And they know I am a future star here. I will hold multiple belts at one time, and nobody will ever be able to think of XWF without thinking of Chris Chaos again.

So I heard your little room shoot on me and my advice would be that you should let Paul Heyman do all of your promos. At least his senile nonsense was entertaining. You aren’t hold enough to come up with a cogent argument or shoot against me. You need to earn your stripes. I mean, could you have been more basic? You basically repeated yourself constantly. You had the same thing as the last time---I am dumb, I have no brain cells, I am a big oaf who lumbers around like a zombie and can’t fend for myself. I mean, for real? Why am I wasting my time?

I mean you aren’t even old enough to appreciate a good steak. So wasteful. It’s a shame.

Keep my name out of your mouth from here on out little girl, and maybe you will make it to Halloween. The trick or treating should be on point this year! I’ll see you in Orlando.”

The camera, which was an iPhone, and we see Jenny Myst. She blows a kiss to the camera before pressing end.

XWF RECORD: 5-2-1 Soon to be 6-2-1
[Image: KIZK9Tf.jpg]

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