So, this Greg guy is cool, right Jerkbeast?

As Jerkbeast stands outside waiting for the bus, Marty waits beside him.

HE'S PRETTY GODDAMN WEIRD, BUT HE SEEMS OKAY!

Isn't he like 60 years old or something like that? How the fuck is he even going to wrestle? Aren't you afraid he'll break something while wrestling against, who is it, Ghost Tank and Bearded War Pig? Two big burly dudes who aren't afraid to bleed?

Jerkbeast turns to Marty.

FIRST OF ALL, GHOST TANK IS A FUCKIN CHALLENGE DODGIN PUSSY WITH A FUTANARI WIFE! SECOND, GREG IS AN OLD DUDE, BUT HE'S PRETTY DAMN TOUGH!

The bus arrives and Beast turns to Marty just before leaving.

IF I GET BACK AND MY FUCKIN CHERRY GARCIA ICE CREAM IS GONE, I'LL KICK YOUR FUCKIN ASS!

Well, what if Sweet Benny eats it?

KICK HIS ASS FOR ME, THEN!

The bus door closes and Jerkbeast boards. Marty waves and Beast flips him off.


We see Jack, or Taxes as Greg calls him, sitting in his den building a ship in a bottle. Greg barges in and goes directly to his fridge.

Greg, get the fuck out of my apartment.

Dude, you got really good sodas in here. I need them to make Jerkbeast feel welcome.

Why can't you just buy your own?

Because you keep your door unlocked.

Fuck off, Greg.

No.

Taxes turns around to see Greg putting the sodas into a pillowcase.

Greg. I'll fucking punch you.

You're a weakling anyway.

Taxes gets up from his ship building and shoves Greg away from the fridge.

You're paying for whatever you took. You took... 4 cans of Pitch Black, 4 cans of Vernor's, 6 bottles of Sprite Tropical Remix...

Taxes hears a clinking sound from behind him. He turns around to see Greg "pouring" the loose pieces of wood from the bottle into his mouth as if he was drinking soda.

This soda tastes like wood glue.

I'LL FUCKING END YOU!

Jeez, fine!

Greg drops the bottle with the ship in it and leaves, causing the bottle to shatter and the ship to break into pieces.

Greg goes back into his apartment where he sees Morgan watching the TV.

I thought you were going to the movies tonight.

Not for another four hours.

Well... Jerkbeast is going to be here anytime now, so can you please skidaddle?

Dude, I just ordered Chop Suey.

Well now you need to order Chop Get-The-Fuck-Out.

Greg pulls Morgan to his feet and starts shoving him out the door.

Cmon, get out.

Greg, my Chop Suey should be here soon!

I'll chop your suey!

Greg shoves out Morgan and shuts the door right as he hears the intercom ring. He storms to the com and presses the button.

I DON'T WANT YOUR FUCKING CHOP SUEY!

...I DIDN'T BRING CHOP SUEY! IS EVERYTHING OKAY UP THERE, GREG?

Oh, sorry Beast.

He lets him in and a minute later Jerkbeast arrives. Greg goes to the fridge to grab the sodas he took from taxes.

Hey, Dude. Have a good trip?

NOT REALLY, THERE WAS AN OLD ASIAN DUDE HACKIN UP A FUCKIN LUNG ON MY BUS RIDE HERE, AND I SCARED SOME OLD LADY ON THE WAY UP!

Greg turns around looking concerned.

Long grey hair, skinny, and gruff voice?

NOPE, OVERWEIGHT AND RICH LOOKING!

Oh, I thought you had met Janet.

WHO THE FUCK IS JANET?

I'm Janet.

Jerkbeast hears a Phyllis Diller-y voice coming from the doorway. He turns around to see a skinny older woman peeking from behind the door.

Janet Heinz.

UH... HI?

Janet, go away.

The older woman waves both of her hands.

Janet Hands.

She starts moving back behind the doorway.

...DOES SHE DO THAT A LOT?

Yep.


Greg and Jerkbeast sit on the couch together watching some low budget Kung Fu movie and eating Morgan's Chop Suey. The antagonist is apparently fighting the protagonists brother and kicking his ass with his magic or something.

So, the tag tourney. Why me, again? Don't you already have Sweet Benny?

I GO WITH MY GUT, GREG! AND MY GUT SAID "HEY FUCKTARD! THAT WEIRD OLD DUDE WOULD MAKE A GOOD PARTNER!"

Well, you do know this is my second match in XWF and I only joined so I could buy Barbecue Sauce, right?

I ONLY JOINED TO AFFORD MORE ROAST BEEF! GREAT MINDS OR SOME SHIT!

Well, we should do okay together.

[/color]WHY THE FUCK DO YOU NEED THAT BARBECUE SAUCE AGAIN?

Because sometimes I like to eat fetuses. Coat that shit in barbecue sauce, nuke that shit for a minute, put it on bread, exquisite, dude.

Y'KNOW, I MIGHT JUST FUCKIN' TRY THAT SOMETIME!

Both guys sit in silence and watch on as the antagonist rips out the protagonist's brother's heart, cackles, and vanishes. Jerkbeast hears Rio by Duran Duran for a second before it stops. He then breathes in through his nose as normally and realizes Greg farted.

DUDE, WHAT THE HELL, MAN?

Oh sorry. Sometimes I like to fart New Wave music.

Jerkbeast and Greg sit in silence again until Jerkbeast rips ass himself.

Aww, cmon dude.

I WAS TRYING TO FART NEW WAVE MUSIC!

What song?[/color

[color=#FF0000]I JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH BY DEPECHE MODE!

Wha-That's not fucking new wave music!

DUDE, DEPECHE MODE IS FUCKIN NEW WAVE![color]

[color=#FFD700]Depeche Mode is synth pop! How dare you confuse such different genres!

FUCKIN SOR-RY! YOU KNOW, THIS TALK OF MUSIC REMINDS ME, YOU KNOW THAT CHOP SUEY SONG BY, WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY CALLED, SYNDROME OF A DOWN?

Yeah.

IT WAS ORIGINALLY CALLED SUICIDE, BUT THE LABEL WERE FUCKIN PUSSIES AND HAD THEM CHANGE IT! SO THEY CHOPPED SUICIDE AND LEFT SUI! CHOP SUEY!

Then why did we have it play at the start of this RP?

...WHAT THE FUCK IS AN RP?

Greg starts doing his signature weird laugh-growl and starts pointing at Jerkbeast. Jerkbeast ignores it and continues watching the movie. The scene changes to show Sweet Benny wearing his goggles eating a Hot Pocket watching the same movie. Marty walks into the scene with a pint of ice cream and a spoon. Sweet Benny looks over and sees the label.

Aren't you supposed to leave that alone?

Not if I blame you.

1X FEDERWEIGHT CHAMPION! SOON TO BE 2X!