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Prof. Bobby Bourbon · **08-19-2016, 04:24 AM**

Robbie Bourbon's mystery opponent has appeared to taunt Robbie, telling him that whomever they are, they are definitely not Vanessa Gibson.

MY OPPONENT IS STILL VANESSA GIBSON

Wait, what? Dammit, Robbie.

We open to see Robbie with his Bourbon Men congregated around his office, watching the promo delivered by the mystery opponent Robbie will be facing at Warfare.

Oh, wow, poor Carl...

I know.

Poor Francis, too, he got mutilated.

We saw.

Jesus, Robbie, you need to focus, try to figure out who the hell this is, because...

It's Vanessa Gibson.

The rest of the Bourbon Men stop and glare at Robbie. Nonplussed, he looks back at them.

What? It's V-Gibs, no doubt in my mind. I'm not falling for any tricks, and it all adds up. Taking someone's 'manhood' from them, killing another dude named Carl, the cloak-and-dagger shenanigans that makes it all look like some crazy nightmare cult to spook Scooby Doo and the gang, the use of 'shrekt', 'murkt', 'bodied', and 'fuccboi', throwing a pack of naked lady cards, it all points in one solid, simple direction. It's Occam's Razor, it's Murphy's Law, and it's so simple that even a child could see it.

My opponent is still Vanessa Gibson.

Vanessa Gibson runs into the office, holds a machete to her neck, and decapitates herself. Robbie chuckles.

Nice try, Vanessa, nice try, you're just trying to fool me.

JESUS FUCK! SHE JUST COMMITTED SEPUKKU!

No, she killed herself!

Not quite.

Robbie walks over to the body of Vanessa Gibson and recapitates her, sticking her head to her neck. Vanessa blinks a few times, then looks at Robbie.

I...

I'm...

Not your opponent, Robbie.

Sure you aren't, Vanessa, sure you aren't.

Robbie rolls his eyes as he helps Vanessa up, keeping her head recapitated. He pulls out some duct take and starts to tape the head back on.

You go get yourself a nice ER visit, get patched up, and I'll see you in Cuba.

Vanessa Gibson rolls her eyes and mumbles under her breath, keeping her head pinned to her shoulders tightly as Robbie calls her an Uber.

Hello? Yes, I need a driver? The address? Just ride around until you see the only Japanese castle in the middle of Alexandria, Virginia. Twenty minutes? That sounds great.

Robbie ends the call and slides his phone in his pocket.

Why the fuck do you have a Japanese castle?

I'm a fucking Shogun.

Robbie points to a wall that has never been shown in the office as the camera has always had it's back to it, and we see a huge set of Japanese armor along with a massive Daikatana on display.

Oh...

Time Travel. Anywho, let's go have a sit down and talk about our match on the thirty-first.

Seriously, why the fuck don't you ever hang out with Steve Sayors?

He never asks the important questions because he likes me too much. I'd much rather face questions from someone frustrated by me, more likely to get to the heart of a matter.

Robbie walks Vanessa out to the Dunkin Donuts in his dojo. They approach the counter where an unenthusiastic teen with a nose piercing stands.

Welcome to Dunkin, what can I get for you?

Iced Coffee, Black.

Vanessa Gibson eyes Robbie as he keeps looking at the menu.

What do you want?

Vanessa blinks and looks at the menu.

Give me a minute.

Robbie shrugs and looks back at the girl behind the counter.

Give us a minute, please.

The girl behind the counter sighs as Robbie keeps eyeing the donuts on display.

That one looks good, the cruller.

Yeah it does.

You want one?

Yes.

What would you like to drink.

Spiced Chai.

Robbie rings the bell on the counter of the Dunkin Donuts, which is a real ring bell. The girl returns.

Yeah, she'll have a spiced chai, and can I get a dozen crullers?

Okay.

The girl rings up the order, and presses a few buttons.

Put it on my tab.

The girl giggles as Robbie drops a five dollar bill into a tip jar. The girl turns to assist the other employees at the Dunkin Donuts with getting Robbie and Vanessa's order ready.

You need to stop going on about...

I know. I have an idea who the opponent is, but to me it doesn't really matter. Sunny day, rainy day, windy day, cold day, I'm still going to beat the shit out of whoever. Wednesday Night Wrecker style.

And you're actually thinking Robbiebombing someone into submission is going to work?

Hells yes it is going to work.

You need to learn a new trick or two. Look, besides committing ritual suicide in your office (and thanks for getting me back into one piece by the way), I came to give you something.

Vanessa reaches into the front pocket of her hoodie and pulls out a folded and wrinkled piece of paper.

Check this out. I'm going to wait outside to get my ride.

Vanessa steps outside, carrying her beverage and dozen crullers with her. In a flash, the A-Team van painted to look like the Ghostbusters car pulls up with Blue driving. Vanessa steps into the vehicle. Robbie doesn't notice as he unfolds the paper to see it's actually a flyer for Billy Paladin's Cupcakes and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.

So that's what that guy's been up to.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode My Opponent is still Vanessa Gibson
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