Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

Prof. Bobby Bourbon · **08-18-2016, 01:59 AM**

Things seem to be looking up for Robbie as he single-handedly just wound up the Tag Team Champions, along with Arby Beef, who may or may not actually exist. He faces off against a mystery opponent at Warfare.

MY OPPONENT IS VANESSA GIBSON

We open to see Robbie standing in his dojo, holding a sledgehammer. He puts on a pair of goggles. The Bourbon Men, Cyberjaw, the man with the cybernetic jaw, Diamondback, the man who can blend into any crowd, Ash, Robbie's personal hair stylist, and Robo-Rob, the robot from Rocky IV painted to look like it's wearing a Robbie Bourbon mask, surround him.

Well, time to do a little demo work to set up for my new Dunkin Donuts I opened in my dojo.

Robbie, this is awesome. I mean, I'll miss the bar, but our own fresh donuts on demand sounds awesome!

That's right, Ash. Not only donuts, but the finest coffee on the market today brought to us by a company who's stock shares are sometimes higher than Starbucks. Not to mention a bevy of wonderful breakfast food items, and even frozen drinks. Dunkin Donuts, America runs on Dunkin'.

I liked the bar.

Yeah, it's where we brought chicks.

You pair of jagaloons have dicks as dry as Ghost Tank's. That motherfucker has outwitted his own biological imperative.

So, hot date with Cobra?

What? It was nice, pleasant.

I heard she's...

She's cool. I didn't make the big move, though, I really don't think I'm her type.

You seem convinced to build a Dunkin Donuts now.

Well, franchising is franchising, and buying my own franchise was just sensible, especially after seeing the profit margin from Cobra's Dunkin.

Shelby Cobra owns a Dunkin Donuts?

Shelby Cobra owns a Dunkin Donuts.

That's all great and irreverent and all, but Robbie, tell us more about how you won the Tag Team Championships.

Well, you guys know the story. Speaking of which, I called a few people up to be a body double.

For you?

Well, for Arby Beef.

Robbie looks at the camera.

Uh, for public appearances. He is a very crude man, also prone to allergies, he sometimes sequesters himself. As such, I need to find another big ass ginger guy to go on promotional things.

Uh huh.

Indeed.

So, about your submission match at Warfare, how is busting up a bar supposed to get you ready to lock your opponent into submisson?

Easy. I'm just going to Robbiebomb them until they pass out and make one of the hands attached to their unconscious body slap the canvas.

And it's not just anyone.

It's Vanessa Gibson.

The Bourbon Men all look kind of shocked. Vanessa Gibson walks into the scene.

Bourbyn, you idyot, I am not your opponent at Warfare. While there has been an influx of womyn coming and going in the XWF, and you yourself make a fine honorary womyn...

Nope.

...the baddest womyn in the XWF today is not competing at this time. I'm not your opponent, Robbie.

Robbie leans on the haft of the sledge as he smugly looks at Vanessa Gibson.

Nice try, Vanessa. I'm not going to fall for your tricks. I know it's you, and you know what?

I'm locking in my guess.

Vanessa Gibson is my opponent at Warfare. I'm not going to sit here and be duped by you, your ruse is well found and documented, good day madam. You are my opponent at Warfare, and the advantage I choose?

Bacon Derby.

Have you ever heard of the Bacon Derby, Vanessa? Have you? I sent the registered sex offenders who run this place, seriously you never see them at public pools, but I sent them the specifications, and, heh, you are in a world of trouble.

Gibson looks completely flustercucked by the words coming out of Bourbon's skull, her face showing she is trying to digest that this man has not only convinced himself that he's facing her at Warfare for some weird ass reason, but also that he's created something called a 'Bacon Derby'.

What the fuck is your issue? I just told you, I'm not fucking competing, but you invited me over here to flex your patriarchal penis muscles and show you have a business, then intend to tell a womyn what she will do for you. I will not face you, Robbie, not now, not ever, because I refuse to kowtow to the will of some penis.

What the fuck is a 'Bacon Derby'?

Robbie laughs.

You'll see. Now get out of my dojo.

Robbie then turns and begins smashing the fuck out of the bar in the Robbie Bourbon dojo for the Competitive Arts. The camera spins to show through the open front door, we see the A-Team van painted to look like the Ghostbusters car has been repaired as it slowly pulls up to the dojo. Inside, the driver, who is Blue, Robbie's handler and now supposed ex-girlfriend, looks inside. She blinks, and pulls away. The camera turns to show the Bourbon Men all look quizzically at what happened, then turn to Robbie, who is screaming and hollering with abandon as he pulverizes the bar into smithereens.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode My Opponent is Vanessa Gibson
Author	Message