"Do I have shit in my fucking mouth or something? YES. The doc."
The little guy seems to have a temper that matches his height. I'd best be on my best behavior.
"Sorry, I've never met this 'doc'. Why do you think I should go see him?"
The short-man in the pink bunny suit just stares at me with a blank look on his face. It makes me feel a little awkward.
"Because you're probably the reason these bells keep ringing!"
The bells?
"The bells?"
"Yeah, dickhead. The bells."
He's dropped the microphone and jumped down from the counter by now. He walks up to me and stares at me for a moment before snapping at me again.
"Can we fucking go, or what?!"
I DID jump a little bit. An angry hobbit in a pin bunny suit screaming at me just terrified me for a minute. What the fuck is going on here?
"Yeah, lead the way, man."
The hobbit in the bunny suit just rolls his eyes and walks past me out of the restaurant. So, I follow.
x
I never would have thought this place was so big. We've walked several blocks and aside from this guy having to dig in every dumpster and garbage can we walked by, it's taking forever. The church bells continue to chime and, without a doubt, have became louder during our venture. My guide seems more and more agitated the more we go on. I was pretty hesitant to spark any conversation, but I had to know what the hell was going on.
"I meant to ask."
The bunny stops in his tracks.
"Where are we going?"
He shakes his head and begins walking again, grumbling something to himself. I'm hesitant to follow at first, but did anyway.
"Excuse me?"
"We're going to the bells you, stupid fuck!"
I think he meant to kick me in the balls, but I managed to turn at the hips in time to avoid it.
"What the fuck, man?"
I was pissed.
"Look bitch."
The hobbit is pissed, as well.
"Enough of the fucking questions before I snap off your neck and shit down your throat. As soon as we get there, you can ask all you the questions your stupid-ass heart desires."
We continue on, of course. The bells are still ringing and echoeing through the small town. In the distance, I finally spot a large tower. Just the tip I could see over all of the rooftops.
Finally.
"Is that it?"
I'm ignored this time. Probably a good thing. We finally reach the edge of the town and bypass the road by walking straight up a grassy hill. As we reach the gate that surrounds the church, the bells from the tower stop.
"See?"
It spoke.
"Doc's waiting for you. So, stop pissing around and get in there."
"He's waiting for me?"
"How many motherfucking times do I have to repeat myself?"
He manages to kick me in the nuts that time. I was completely off guard and I believe he kicked them into my stomach. My knees meet the ground as I bellow over in agony and watch the pink bunny run through the field and into the back door of the church.
"Little fucker..."
After a minute or so, I manage to pick myself up from the ground and stumble across the field after the rabbit. For whatever reason this "Doc" needed to see me, whatever, but if I see that little fucker again I'm strangling him.
I stop just outside the door to catch my breath for a minute. I'm still suffering from that kick to the groin and I'm an out-of-shape guy sprinting across a field. Once I feel a little better, I push open the door to the church and stumble in.
xi
This church is huge. I walk in slowly, but no matter how slow every step of mine echoed throughout the building. It's almost like every sound is amplified, like the churchbells. I walk in from behind the choir stands and into the center in front of the pews. I hear someone hoofing around somewhere in front of me, but can't see.
It's probably that fucking rabbit. Or whatever the hell he is....
"Hello?!"
Here I am yelling again.
"Doc?"
Why am I calling for this guy, now?
"Um, Rabbit?"
Anybody?
I walk down the aisle between the pews towards the back of the room.
"Up here, dumbass."
I look up as the rabbit spits down from the second level and it hits me in the face. Like I was shot I grab my face and wipe the spit off like it's poison. The rabbit hangs down from the second level to scream at me some more.
"Seriously, though, you should get the fuck downstairs. The stairway is over there."
He points with his mitten paw and disappears back up top.
"What the hell..." I murmur to myself.
I stand up and walk to a door that I didn't even notice back when I first walked in. Almost seems like it would go outside. Whatever, it wouldn't be the weirdest thing I've seen today, I suppose.
So, I follow the rabbit's instructions and walk over to the door and open it. It opens up to a dark stairwell, lit by torches of wall things, that spirals down. Where am I? A castle? I follow the stairwelll down... and down... and down and down and down. Forever it seems to reach the bottom and find a single wooden door. I shove at it but it doesn't budge. I kicked it a few times, too.
"Well, what the fuck?"
I notice a small plate around eye level on the door covered in dirt. I try cleaning it off with my hand and grab a lighter out of my pocket to see better.
Pull.
My eyes crossed for a moment before I reached down and pull the door. It swung right open and I walked through into some kind of office.
xii
The Doctor sits behind his desk, puffing away at a cigar, and twiddling his thumbs as if waiting for something. He leans back in his comfortable chair and places his feet upon his desk. The fire across the room blazes and casts dancing shadows across the room as it normally does. The Doctor chuckles before taking a sip from a glass next to him.
Hello, my friends!
My name is Doctor Louis D'Ville, and yes, I am your KING.
There isn't much time left, Mason Prince. Have you made up your mind yet? Are you the injured, experimental-drug abusing, puppy-dawg you were a few days ago? Or are you the billionaire tough-guy you've been pretending to be as of late.
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure you were the big winner, and what-not, but it's funny you'd win that at time like this. I bet you're feeling extremely lucky. What were the odds of winning that anyway? Being hit by an astroid? Becoming President of the United States? I believe that was before it became a billion so just imagine the odds! Well, to get where I'm going here, the odds of you having those winning lottery numbers are nothing compared to the odds of your little "Hell-House" going in your favor. No worries though, my friend, once it's all said and done everything can go back to the way they were. You don't have to be confused about who you are. You don't have to worry about your fans. Everything will fall back into place once this nightmare is over. We all understand that you didn't know what you were getting yourself into. It's understandable and it happens every single day. After this, this 'intimacy' that I'm without in my life, go find it. I'm sure you're just a 'dawg' with the ladies and I'm sure the fans will welcome you back.
This kind of takes me back to your little 'Doctor Mystery' bologna that you've been yammering on about. I forgot to mention before, Mister Prince, that I have published a book and released it on the XWF store. Feel free to purchase it, if you like.
Oh wait just a minute!
You've already purchased. Well, in you free time you should leaf through it a bit instead of focusing all of your time on the Bricksquad's free hooka-pipe... Honestly, my friend, try to be realistic here. Do you think I'm concerned with my love life? I've had plenty of maiden's in my day, but there's a time and a place for all of that. And as for being a hero? I save live's all the time, Mister Prince, you've just not yet realized that. It's amazing, you seem like so hooked onto your fantasy world with your billion dollars that your failing to see the simple white glove of reality swinging down slapping you in the face.
I'll say it again.
The Doctor smiles ear to ear and rests back into his chair.
My name is Doctor Louis D'Ville and I. AM. YOUR. KING.
KING. So, what do I do? I sit and watch.
I sit and watch until I feel the need to step in. I've told you what I thought of this stupid invasion or revolution, whatever it is, and I've told you I won't no part of it. Don't ridicule me, Mister Prince, about standing aside and letting the fools fight it out amongst themselves. AND I've told you that no matter WHO is WHAT around here, the DOCTOR is still KING. Did I put it simple enough, my friends? The Doctor is still on top. And what EXACTLY makes you so great about this whole thing, Mason Prince? Don't pretend you stood up and fought for the XWF. You've been here a few days and you pretend that you've carried the banner for months. And just like everything else, YOU don't care for the whole debacle, either! Another change of heart on your part. That charismatic little shit we knew a few days ago is gone.... Shame it is.
I hope after all of this time you've at least listened to a few words that I've said. I hope you haven't just taken everything, twisted it around, and thrown it back at me with some strange rebutting nonsense.... Mister Prince, you've taken the wrong steps already into what could have been one of my greatest sessions. You gave up on yourself right out of the gate and forgot all about where you came from. Just because you're fighting what people have considered a 'God', doesn't make you one yourself. I blame myself for it. It's common for fellows to try and fight at their opponents level, or even, lower themselves to that level. Well, allow me to assure you that's not the case with the Doctor. You, however, you've blown way past your potential... and not in a good way. You can't compete with the likes of me and it's my fault that I've put you in the situation I did. I should've stayed out of the whole thing, let your healing process happen, and allow your confidence to grow back into big ol' sunflower it once way. Instead, I'm afraid of crushing you. Like a little bug, or baby, or something. Holding you in my hand ever so gently, careful not to squeeze, because the slightest movement could snap you into pieces.
That's how I feel anyway. I don't think you'll have to worry about holding this loss against yourself though. It's not like ANYONE around here can hold it over your head, because I've beaten nearly everyone. So, that's a good thing, right? Look at this as a way of proving to yourself that your not this 'GOD' you believe yourself to be. You know, everyone seems to share the same attitude about the crown that you do. It may have just taken you a bit longer to catch on. You don't want it now, because you can't have it. Just like the rest of the fools in this fine federation... They can't have it either. I've been the KING for quite some time now and I don't plan on ever abandoning my Universe. It's always going to be the same, my friends. The Doctor will always be here and his doors will ALWAYS be open.
In the same instant, the Doctor's door flies open and Frodo Smackins wearing a pink bunny suit walks in the door.
"DOC!!"
xiii
I pull open the door and a blast of heat hits me in the face like I was opening a furnace. I walk in the room that's just as dark as the outside aside from the huge fire blazing off to the side of the room. I mean, HUGE fire.
I look across the room and see that fucking rabbit sitting on a desk sniffing a marker. I suppose that would a explain a few things...
"Hey!"
I'm shouting again... I need to quit the shouting.
The rabbit jumped and looked up at me, with a scowl on his face he rolled his eyes and jumped off of the desk and walked behind it out a door that I didn't notice a second ago. Behind where he was sitting was an old looking man. He sat in a chair smoking a big cigar and was just... staring at me. I slowly stepped forward, and like before, every step I took echoed in my ears.
"Um, are you 'Doc'?"
Hello, my friend!
"Uh, hi? Are you--"
You know I've been waiting quite sometime for a visitor like you to come along.
"Like me?"
The guy is kind of freaking me out. I mean, c'mon. Creepy. He just continues to smile at me.
"Why me?"
Well, what brings you here, Mister?
"Well, there was this news story I was working on... Which is bigger than I could have imagined now. Wasn't this place.... gone?"
Only to those that couldn't see it, my friend.
"And what the fuck does that mean?"
Is this old guy nuts or what?
I have something to show you. After all, you ARE looking for something, aren't you?
The old man gets up from his chair and walks over to this huge mirror that I know wasn't there before.
"Where'd that come from?"
Step over to my magic mirror and tell me what you see. Your questions about my wonderful town will surely be answered.
"Magic mirror?"
Now, I KNOW he's nuts.
"Are you insane?"
You're just going to have to trust me.
Again, the never quit smiling. So, I figured I'd humor the guy. I walked over to his mirror and looked in.
"Okay, now what?"
Before I could look over at the old man, my reflection reached out and grabbed me by the throat. I struggled, but the power behind whatever this was kicked my ass. I pulled away, which pulled my reflection even further out of the mirror. It grabbed me with my it's other arm and pulled me into the mirror.
The mirror shattered into a thousand pieces at the visitor crashed into it. Like after an explosion, smoke cleared the room as the Doctor stood and watched in anticipation.
Once the smoke was gone, there stood our visitor, only slightly different. The Doctor smiled as he reached into his inside pocket for a cigar.
Hello, Trevor.
The Doctor said as he handed the cigar to his old friend.
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