I walk through the front door of my house, the house is empty, the furniture is gone, and I'm miserable. Johnny left me, and I'm alone in this house. I collapse against the nearest wall, and look at the parlour. There's a small patch of hay in the corner where King Henry sleeps, it's messy and thrown about the room. King Henry is running around outside in the yard; he's all I have left. I am truly alone. My head slams back into the wall, and I close my eyes. If someone were in the house with me, they'd hear the sounds of me gasping for air as I try and hold back my tears.

I'm sitting on an aeroplane waiting to land, somewhere above the African planes. There's a baby crying behind me, the mother is ignoring it. I can't. The baby upsets me, not because it's crying, but because I want one. I want a little me and a little Johnny running around. A combination of us, running around spending its summers in England, and its winters in Scotland. He'd ride King Henry to school and bring extra food for the hungry kids. My flaming red hair and Johnny's piercing brown eyes. Our perfect child. There's only one thing I could possibly do; I have to cuddle the baby to keep him quiet. The strange woman lets me hold her baby to keep it calm. The Air Hostesses looked at me funny as I sat on the floor with my back against the wall, rocking the baby to sleep. No one said anything because they didn't want to wake the little man sleeping in my arms. A slight sound escapes my lips as I try to quietly sing to the sleeping wee one. I can't do it too loud or he'll wake and scream.

I'm singing, and watching this bairn in me arms, yeah? And I get this terrible thought, followed by another one. What if I smothered the bairn in me arms? Would anyone stop me? Would it make the world a better place? Make it more even because I lost my chance at a child with Johnny? Or, what if I bolted out of the plane as soon as we land, would they be able to catch me? I could go and find Johnny and we could raise him together, we'd rename him Mathew, and he would be ours. Johnny thought I didn't want his child, or at least not now. The truth is that I would have loved his kid, I just got scared. What if our baby came out with problems because of my career? Or what if I wasn't a good mum? I'll give it all up for Johnny and our baby right now. I want Johnny to be my entire life now. I want to give myself over to him entirely. Give my heart and soul to just him, quit wresting and take care of our family. The plane was starting to shake, and the seatbelt sign came on. I handed the lad back, and got back in my seat. I could feel the roughness, and it reminded me work, and my last night with Johnny.

I'm back sitting in my living room, Henry is screaming at the door demanding to come in. Inching my way up the wall, I stand and shakily walk to the door. It's hard, my legs don't want to work, they want to die. Like my heart. The door opens, Henry gallops in, and I collapse into a ball. He nudges me with his head, and I want to move, but I can't. My body is empty, I haven't eaten in two days, I have barely slept. All I see when I close my eyes is Johnny and Africa. My neck is heavy from the locket Johnny gave me, silver. His photo is inside of it, and it brings me no solace. This piece of jewelry is all I have left of him, and it's a meaningless piece of trash. I want to throw it against the wall and scream, but I can't. George isn't here to help me, I have no idea where he is. Him or Tiffany, they're gone and I need to be cleaned up with a mop. Henry gives up on moving me, so he just nuzzles next to me on the floor, and I fall asleep in his fur.

I'm now standing in Africa, the plane landed, and I made it through customs. I have no idea where I am in South Africa, but I know Johnny is supposed to be about an hour north of Johannesburg, in a village helping with the Black Rhino population. This is a good idea to start, and I like my ideas. I'm super smart, and pretty. This becomes evident to everyone around me by me pointing to my head and giggling. They can see the smile creep upon my pretty face and realise I'm either mad or brilliant. Sometimes they're the same thing. The giggle is adorable, and I believe the creepy guy fiddling with the crotch of his trousers must be thinking the same thing. And then, eww. He's not just fiddling. He smiles a toothless grin at me as he does this, disgusting. I grab my bag and run away to find a cab. This is easy, as I'm cute and have money. A cab stops and picks me up, I tell him where to take me. The cab ride is quiet, except for the sounds of the tyres hitting the debris in the "roads", that's fine, I choose to try and sleep a little. The driver says we have a while to go.

I'm woken up in my parlour by something. George is there, he's rolling into me and then backing up to repeat the process. My eyes open and close, I really don't want to do this right now. I just want to curl and die.

What do you want, George?

I missed you, too, sis. When did you get back?

Earlier today. You weren't here. Everything is empty. Georgie, Johnny. Johnny. I can't.

He got out of his chair, and curled up next me and held me. I never told him what happened in Africa, and I don't know to put the feelings to words to do so now. He just held me and I cried. My brother, my knight. My crippled knight. I cried hard, and passed out in his arms.

The cab stops and I wake up. The sun burns my eyes as they open up. The cabbie opens the door for me, and I stumble out. The countryside is dirty, and hot. There is a really good chance I will end up with a sunburn here. Luckily, I packed a super cute hat, and put it on. The brim will protect me from burning. I feel proud as I make my way down to where there are people. The cabbie chases after me, I get confused. I don't understand what he's saying. Oh, I am dumb. I forgot to pay him. He tells me what I owe, and I pay him the money, plus a bonus and head down to where the people are. It's a tent filled with people looking all smart and things. I feel out of place, but I don't care, Johnny is here. He has to be. There's a chubby girl with thick specs on her round face looking at a book. I politely ask here where my Johnny is, and she points to a tent a few Km down the road, onward I go. The walk is long and boring, but I must walk it for my Johnny. I make it half way before setting my back down on the dirt, and sitting on it. My face pouts and twists, and I don't want to do continue to walk, I wore the wrong shoes for this. A hand holding something comes down in front of my face, and offers me a bottle of water, I look up and it's my Johnny. I take it and jump to my feet and wrap my arms around his neck.

JOHNNY!! I left the federation and came for you. I love you, baby.

Hey, Ginger. I see that. I love you, too.

I wake up in my bed covered in sweat. My heart is racing, and I feel my forehead, it is clammy. How did I get here? I'm panicking.

Hey, Ginge, welcome back. You passed out, I got you into your bed. You have a match this week, it's against this dude, Cain. He pretends to be tough. Wanna watch his stuff?

I shake my head. Of course I don't want to, I want to die. Why would I want to pay attention to what Cain has had to say or do? He's not worth a wank.

Lemme make you something to eat first, girl. You need to get your strength up.

She runs out of the room quickly, and I collapse again. I don't dream this time, but I'm awoken by the smell of scrambled eggs and toast. Ginger is happy again. Ok, not really, but at least Ginger has food. I eat the food, shoveling it into my face as quickly as possible, I don't want to go without food. Ok, now Ginger will watch Cain's videos. I grab my laptop and watch his videos. They're boring. I'll talk to him about them in a few and then go to sleep.

Hello, XWF. It looks like I'm back to fight again, despite my best efforts to be gone. I know, there's a lot you don't know about what happened during the hiatus with me. Just that I ended up in Africa with Johnny. And now I'm back to fight Cain, even if he is really creepy and kind of sad. How many times do we need to see Cain pretend to be hard and show us videos of people being afraid of him, when no one in the XWF is afraid of him. Are we just better than grizzled old police detectives and stuff? Or, is it that Cain just hires actors to try and make himself seem tougher? That's not cool, Cain. That's lying to people. Don't lie to people. Just admit the truth, you're not that good. Why are you so intent on letting people think you're better than you are? Just admit that you're average, I do. You don't have to be big and bad and tough to be here. It is ok to be run of the mill, and generic. That's you, Cain. You're nothing special, and you're going to get taken out by a little girl on international telly, when I end up back in Africa. This time it'll be less tragic, I guess. I'll see you later, Cain. Just do me a favour and shut your mouth between now and then.

I close my laptop and go back to sleep.

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