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PlasterPikeNike141 · (07-27-2015)

The scene opens up in a lavish hotel room with all the trimmings that make you go oh yeah.

(oh yeah!)

But there's a problem on the king sized bed, and that problem is the fact that Plaster Pike Nike #141 is unhappy under the black sheets he's wearing, similarly to if he were in Klan sheets except we know he's not a racist prick. Or do we?

"I'm not a racist prick!"

Alright, confirmation received on the lacking of racism in his dingaling.

Back on track, you're all wondering why he's unhappy, right? Of course you are, or you're

.

"Don't call my friends

]

Sorry about that. Ok, so it seems like we're doing the thing where he can hear me - the narrator - even though that doesn't make a lot of sense because I'm not in the room with him and this scene already happened and I'm just doing the voice over.

[green]"You're right over there in the corner, buddy! I can see you! You aren't wearing any pants and you have a jar of mayo!"

Um, ok, I have no comment on his comments but let's get back to why he's upset, ok?

"Why not just ask me why I'm upset? Fudge it, I'll tell you, you silly chicken clucker mother ducker. I'm upset because I didn't get booked on the pay per view like I asked. I wanted to face Reeve AllLicksAndDicks Gordon or his gay lover Asshole Scam NameStealin."

Who?

"You know who! The child molester with the Ark title that the XWF staff forgot still exists because they're busy snorting meth and smoking acid all the time."

As we can see, Plaster Pike Nike #141 is clearly out of touch with all kinds of reality since he thinks I'm in the room with him and thinks the staff of the XWF can afford drugs when Shane probably doesn't even pay them anything.

"At least I'm in touch with the fact that they didn't book me and that they're idiots!"

Ok, so if you can really hear me right now.

"I can."

Then please look again at the card and tell me whose name you see across from Axl VanHalen.

"I'm looking right now and it's on Day 2, and there's no name across because the opponents are top to bottom of each other daddy. Pay attention. Also pay attention to the fact that they found some other clown to face Axl. I feel like this is a real slap in my face! These idiots put Axl against some poor sap named Plaster Pike Nike #411. What's the deal?"

Let's think about the liklihood of there being somebody named Plaster Pike Nike #411. It's not very high. They probably just got confused by your ridiculous fake name and got the numbers mixed up. They meant to type 141 instead of 411, I'm sure.

"How sure?"

About 99% sure.

"So then I got the match? I got my wish???"

Yes, which means you can also reveal who you really are at the end of this promo so everybody can wet themselves.

(so hot!)

"Alright then let's get down to business!"

At this point in time, Plaster Pike Nike #141 leaps up out of the bed and flings the black sheets off of his body!

Oh my god!

None of you saw it coming! It's him! He's back! And he's looking dead sexier than ever!

This is where I do a bunch of delaying because the footage is moving in slow motion before we can actually see the black sheet thrown away.

La la la...

...

Dot dot dot...

...

And more delaying before we finally can focus in on the man's face who will be happy to decapitate Axl VanHalen at Relentless!

He's back, Jack!

Swallow your loads and put your adams' apples on layaway quick! Because that made no sense at all and I'm about to be sick! He's covered in semen and he looks so slick! From his head to his toes, and even his dick! Men and woman of all ages will soon be on grabbing at his wick!

Fuck, can I stop trying to rhyme now? Can they see your face please so we can cut this lame ass intro promo? This has been the worst promo so far for the pay per view.

His voice is raised to a fever pitch.

"Ahm, back, JACK! Psssst, hey... hey you. Yeah you. How's about you come on over to my place so we can play light sabers?"

That's him talking to you guys, the viewers.

"No, I'm talking to their kids."

Uh, ok well I guess that's not surprising at all.

And it shouldn't be

Because we're looking at the face of none other than the most popular man in all of childhood!

[Image: AGHLZTk.jpg]

HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!

[Image: glHWtqA.jpg]

"That's right daddies! You too, mommies! Your kids are about to be tuggin in your pant legs and pointing at the merchandise of yours truly so you better get ready! The Moxley Virus is back and this time it's completely drug resistant! Ain't no party like a Dean McGovern party cause a Dean McGovern party gets really really hardy!"

(He's not talking about Matt and Jeff)

How will Dean's opponent, Asshole InHalin', respond to this spine tingling revelation? Will he back down as soon as he realizes he's up against the man, the myth, the legend? Will he film a promo against Dean that has 12 different songs all playing at once in the background while masturbating with such ferocity that he impregnates the sock he's beating off into and it has children who also become Dean fans and force Axl to purchase McGovern branded underwear and scarves?

"Y-y-y-y-y-you know it baby! I've got my earplugs ready!"

As the scene cuts, we see Dean's friend Kyle (age 17) and his friend Julie (age 8) both running up with Vienna Beef Franks and stuffing them into Dean's ears while he has just the biggest ol grin that you ever did see somebody have while they were waiting to hear from somebody who eats wang patty for breakfast!

(Ewww! Axl you weirdo!)

Cut cut cut! A third Beef Frank just came out and oh my god it's...

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