Hit that mood music!



The night is May 18th.

A few days prior to Bad Medicine, an event which saw Carson Waters and Flynn Andrew Cole-Ericson retain the XWF World Tag Team Championships against Muddy Waters and Scully, as well as fellow Brick Squad member Bruce Blingsteen defend his X-Treme Championship against Pest. Two wins for the Brick Squad, two losses for the Black Hand.

Sure, in a couple weeks time Bruce would lose the title to Dimallisher (The Professor of Insanety) and check himself into rehab, but that isn’t what’s important right now.

What is important, is that it’s currently 2:27 in the morning and Carson’s just climbed three stories up the side of a hospital and flung himself through the open window of his manager’s room. Now, for someone sober and in complete control of all their faculties, it’d be hard to fling yourself through a window without crashing on the floor and potentially fucking yourself up. However, as evidenced by the fact that Carson actually went through with climbing three stories up the side of a building, it should be easy to tell that he is neither sober nor in full control of all his faculties.

So, as could be expected, he crashes face first on the floor, his legs still hanging halfway out the window.

What the fuck? Carson?

Carson pulls his legs into the room and gets up to his feet slowly, sucking on his bleeding bottom lip.

Mmhm.

You look like shit.

She’s not wrong.

Carson stands with a slouch, dressed in dirty clothes he’s worn for two days straight, and stares straight into the middle of nowhere with glazed over eyes.

However, it begs one important question.

How would you know? It’s fuckin’ dark in here.

It’s two-thirty in the morning and you just came in through the window. Plus, you always look like shit.

Damn bro, she just burned your ass hard! You gonna take that shit?

Carson looks behind him to see two people shining out through the darkness: Flynn and Bruce. The former with a halo floating above his head, the latter wearing devil horns and laughing his ass off. Carson rubs his eyes and shakes his head wildly, to no avail.

The fuck?

What?

Just go with it bro.

Yeah brah, no need to question it.

Carson sighs and nods his head.

At least I ain’t in the hospital.

Huh?

You said I look like shit, at least I’m not the one in the hospital.

He chuckles, looking back at Flynn and Bruce to see neither of them amused in the slightest.

Weak, bro.

I mean if you wanna get technical, you are in the hospital right now.

Yeah, I guess. What’s the damage?

No no no no no. We’re not starting with that. I got a question for you. Where the fuck have you been?

Oooh shit bro, might wanna dance around that one.

Carson bites his lip and looks to Flynn.

Yeah dude. As much as I hate to say this, can’t think of any way you telling the truth won’t piss her off.

Bro, I think she’s already pretty pissed.

Exactly why you don’t want to push it any further.

Fair enough.

Still here.

Shit’s been hectic.

I’m in charge of your schedule! You had one thing in the past three days, that speech to those high schoolers!

...shit.

Probably should’ve told the truth.

What the fuck Flynn?! You told me to lie!

I’m actually your conscience taking the form of Flynn bro. Yeah, you’re pretty trashed. And maybe in the closet. No hate.

Fuck you. Wait. If you’re my conscience, what the fuck’s Bruce?

I dunno man, your shitty ideas taking the form of Bruce? That’s pretty fuckin’ rude man now that I think of it.

God dammit I hate both of you so much…

...right now.

Carson clamps his hand over his mouth and inhales sharply through his nose. He holds his breath, figuring if he doesn’t make any more sound, that the very angry woman in the hospital bed will forget he said anything.

Who the fuck are you talking to? Is there someone else in here?

Yeah, that doesn’t actually work Carson.

Oh don’t you get started!

Too late man. This narrator cannot be stopped.

Let me guess what you’ve been doing. Getting fucked up, right?

Funny you should say that, considering how you got in here.

You ain’t gonna just sit on that are ya? Come on man, drop that bombshell!

Or you know, don’t do that bro.

Don’t be a pussy bro.

You calling me a pussy? Not cool bro.

Wanna fight about it?

Bruce strikes a fighting pose and gestures for Flynn to come at him.

Come at bro, I am jacked!

All the jackedness in the world doesn’t save Bruce from getting blasted in the gut as Flynn tackles him to the floor. The two flail around on the ground, trying to get some kind of advantage but both are failing miserably.

Having given up on getting any kind of meaningful council from the figments of his imagination, Carson hangs his head in defeat.

Yep. Like yep, that’s what I’ve been doing, not like yep there are other people in here. Cuz there aren’t.

Sheesh, took ya long enough. Shit, you still made it here quicker than half my family.

Wait, you’re not pissed at me?

Well you did fling yourself through my window at two-thirty in the morning while high off your ass. I’m kinda pissed about that.

Fair enough.

With a smile on his face, he turns to the tussling hallucinations.

Haha! Fuck you!

Then everything falls silent. The pair stop fighting and look at Carson, barely able to contain laughter. Carson’s face is beet red and scorching. The silence becomes more and more awkward with each passing second.

I just said that out loud, didn’t I?

Yep. You’re high, aren’t you?

Trashed.

Probably should’ve figured.

Anyway… what’s the damage?

Broken fibula. They thought I had a concussion when I first got here, guess not. Lucky. They said it should’ve killed me.

Damn. Remember what happened?

Not really. I remember seeing a yellow light, figured I could beat it. Then huge lights. Then I was here. On the bright side, they say I probably don’t need to be here much longer. Doesn’t seem like it’ll need surgery or anything. Just a cast should be fine.

The door swings open and a small middle aged nurse steps into the room, flanked by two large African American gentlemen. A flood of light pours into the room, blinding both of its occupants.

I’m sorry, but visiting hours have long since passed. I’ll have to ask you to leave.

Alright, I was just…

Before he can finish, the men grab him by the arms and drag him down the hall, escorting him out of the building as gently as you’d expect them to escort a man who just climbed up three stories like some kind of suburban Spiderman.


Hit that new mood music!



...What the fuck Carson?

Bro don’t even worry about it, Frozen is the realest shit ever. Don’t hate. Don’t be a hater like the team Flynn and I are gonna face on Warfare.

We’re recording? Okay.

Ey, wassup XWFam? Long time, no see huh? Now, I know your XWF World Tag Team Champions haven’t popped up on XWF programming much since Bad Medicine, and there’s a good reason for that. Because, just like it’s been since we’ve held these belts, no one wants to fight us. People just tuck their tails between their legs and back off whenever the thought of facing us crosses their minds. You wanna know how bad it’s gotten? Not even the Dimallisher wants a piece of us! The one dude who’s actually beaten a member of Brick Squad, who should have the most confidence when it comes to beating us, doesn’t even want to face us!

Now, everyone and their mothers wants to play the “we’re hiding” card to mask how utterly terrified they are of us and that’s fine. Let them hate. Didn’t see any of them stepping up. What, is it our job to call out people and make them receive a title shot? Should we be required to force the eight people with number one contendership status to cash their title shots in? Are they all incapable of doing it themselves?

There seems to be a drought when it comes to initiative.

Which brings me to our opponents this Wednesday. The newly formed team of Ghost Tank and Cain. You heard me right dudes and dudettes, Ghost Tank and Cain have teamed up and they’re facing Flynn and I for the titles.

Yes, that Ghost Tank.

Yes, that Cain.

The two guys who reinvent themselves time and time and time and time again, only to get the exact same result every single time. Failure. Complete and utter failure. Sure, at least in Cain’s defense he does get a little bit of time to shine, sometimes, but Tank? Really, what has Tank done that’s actually an accomplishment in anyone’s mind but his own? Not a damn thing, it would seem.

Hey, you two. Let me fill you in on a little secret. Flynn and I, your opponents, won the titles in our first month. In our third respective matches. Neither of us have been defeated. I mean that for the entirety of our run, not since reinventing ourselves last. We actually have people running scared. We’ve created a brand. We’ve made an entire crowd of cynics into believers. We’re running for president to further promote the Brick Squad way of life, and look at us.

We’re just kids. We’re runts compared to you. Hell, if you combine our weights, we only weigh like 20 pounds more than Ghost Tank.

Now, even in spite of the massive weight disadvantage, and the massive experience disadvantage, there isn’t a soul in the locker room, in the stands, watching at home who’s going to bet against the Brick Squad. You wanna know why?

Because we’re winners, bro. Plain and simple.

We don’t gotta fall back on saying we gave people wars, we don’t have to give ourselves validation because we got it around our waists. XWF World Tag Team Champions. Best team in the XWF right here. Not getting dethroned anytime soon. Especially not by these two.

At least Cain’s gone silent though. He’s probably actually training for this match. Or he’s off murdering people on camera which has got to at least qualify for cardio training. Yeah, I’ll say it. Cain’s probably trying to get himself in peak physical condition to try and take these titles from us because the dude’s hungry. Probably starving at this point but the point still stands.

Meanwhile, what the fuck’s Tank doing?

Running his mouth. Running his mouth. Running his goddamn mouth.

We get it Tank, you like to talk a lot. And you like to talk about the same shit to the same people like clockwork.

You also like sneak dissing the Brick Squad. Not saying that shit in a promo that’s intended for us but saying it while saying some bullshit at LH Harrison. Hell, just so everyone knows what he said, play it.

Ghost Tank Said:Next week, I'll be prepared for everything you may come at me, while trying to win the tag belts from The Brick Squad, who haven't been true fighting champions,and they will find themselves destroyed by Cain and I.

We haven’t been true fighting champions? Are you fucking blind or something? We’ve been trying to get anyone to step up since we defended the belts at Bad Medicine! Hell, you two didn’t even step up to fight us. You were busy wanting to wreak havoc and destruction or something.

Get destroyed by you two, I’m surprised you could even say that with a straight face. Go pin the Dimallisher some more instead of doing anything to prepare yourself for this match. Go bitch to Doc D’Ville about whatever shit you’re bitching to him about. Keep talking about your sexuality and your relationship status.

Jeez, the more you think about it, the more you realize the only set of balls in Ghost Tank’s relationship belonged to his girlfriend!

That is not a dig at her, by the way. Nor is it a dig at him for being pansexual. Brick Squad is 100% percent down with the LGBT+ movement.

But you gotta admit, Tank’s a bit of a pussy, really.

Dude’s constantly so defensive about every breath he takes, and yet he’s going to destroy us.

Funny joke, dude.

Absolutely hysterical.

PS Vote Brick Squad 2016.