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Mr Killjoy · (06-01-2015)

*Recording Start*

A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far- actually, scratch that. In approximately half a day, Christopher Isles will be battered to a pulp at the hands of another no name, fitting for him. A no name who pretends he is worth anything to those around him, calling himself 'Marek Matthews'. Two humans, starved of purpose and thus, they attempt to take out their frustrations on one another.

A servant of the Emperor, Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Punisher. That is who I am. My title states exactly who I am and should command the respect I truly deserve from a man like you.

I waited...

And waited...

But yielded nothing to go on. Nothing to pursue. I will make things perfectly clear, while you disguise yourself with fake worth and petty arguments with another pathetic specimen from planet Earth, I will eliminate several of the dead waste in the XWF swiftly, very swiftly. Then I shall leave. I shall be gone. This place is simply not worth my time. You should feel... happy. No, scratch that, you should be ecstatic and euphoric from the fact that I am even bothering with someone like you. You should be on your hands and knees and be kissing my toe.

Yet you don't. I'm not surprised. You show no fear.

However, that is perfectly normal, for when I will step foot onto the stage, looking down on you as you stare into my eyes of abyssal hatred. Maybe you'll stare at my ewok minion instead. I will attempt to mask my laughter, as a small, yellow streak of piss will slide down your high, trickle down the side of your boot and land onto the ring canvas.

How does it make you feel? How does it make you feel that you are scared of a 'big man with laser swords' accompanied by an 'alien teddy bear'? How does it make you feel that that 'alien teddy bear' has more hair on his nuts than you? How does it feel that those insignificant, basement dwelling, excess food mass devouring, WoW playing, no life fat FUCKS in the front row... are more scared of a small Ewok, than you? Doesn't feel quite so good I would imagine. Also, I heard your reaction to when management told you "...that you're going to be facing a 'dark' guy who wants to swing his lightsaber at you..." Please. For future reference, I don't swing that way, so don't try anything freaky while we are in the match. I know your type of people, but what can I expect from a company that harbours such monstrosities like Swagmire, Tush, Frodo and Peter Gilmour?

At least you're not like Muddy Waters. I mean, I get that someone from my universe entering this place for a short period of time, who creatures like Tusken Raiders, Jawas, Hutts and Pureblood's inhabit and encourage insest and inbreeding, but this does not give your redneck ass a justification for being caught playing with Dolly on the local caravan site.

Anyway, back to Christopher Isles. I like how this guy likes to say the full CHRISTOPHER to make it seem like he's worth something. Doesn't work on me. However, I took the time out of m- my little time I have here- out of my day to observe your promos. Holy Nerf-Herder do you come across as an obnoxious fuck. I live in the Sith Capital of Dromund Kaas and let me tell you this. Out of all the sith there who backstab, whine, flex their authority all they want as they try to endlessly attempt the impossible and cling on to a cape like mine... you come across as an even bigger douchebag than them. You are incredibly, INCREDIBLY impatient with this peasant you are facing and the fact that you he only just put out a promo...

Hey, hey. See the similarity here? You are a huge fucking hypocrite. I've just had to wait nearly a whole week in hope that you'd divert your attention to me so I can at least make you look like a fool and you ahead and do this? Jesus. I'm not even going to bother anymore. You're not even worth my time. What a pathetic human being.

The cold hands dug into the snow, scratching backwards with such tenacity. Such... hopeless tenacity.

Hoth. A planet filled with huge beasts such as Icetrompers and Tauntauns. Practically plucked of all pathetic life, swiped off this deserted shit hole. Sometimes I wonder to myself why the Empire and the Republic fought and fight over this place. Oh and did I mention it's covered in snow? Yeah... it's covered from the very core with fucking frost biting snow. However, I was not the one who was supposed to fear this snow, it was the snivelling wreck, curled up in a ball on the ground, who was being loomed over by a very angry me, the quiet hum of my lightsaber casted fear with a purple light onto Dor'el's face.

"Goodnight Dor'el."

"They will find you... THEY WILL KILL YOU!"

"If I got a credit for every time someone I'm about to kill has incorrectly predicted death upon me... I would be a very rich man indeed."

And with that, a blood curdling scream echoed from the top of the mountains, likely making it's way down and scaring off the local wildlife. After plunging the saber into Dor'el's chest, I let go, letting it stay there for a minute. Dor'el. A snivelling snitch from my old training academy for gifted Sith users, known as the Jen Kata. This roughly translates to 'Dark Hearts' which always sounded kinda... flat. Dark Hearts? Sounds like an alien hit pop song. Dor'el was sent here for my head after I abandoned the teachings in favour of a much pressing matter, making me establish myself as both the Voice of the Emperor and the Emperor's Wrath, meaning I could start my escapades of wreaking havoc across the universe.

After staring at the beautifully lifeless body. I sat down of the nearest snow bank, contemplating my surroundings, staring up at the stars and started reading my favourite poetry book. Only joking, I sent a message to the Jen Kata. I ripped out Dor'el's guts, mutilated his limbs, decapitated his head, ripped out his spine and overall ravaged the body. I think that a pile of organs, a few stumps and a bloody mess should do the trick.

Of course, this is where the 'thing', happened. The thing that caused me to be where I am today. After laying rest to my former apprentice-hood rival, the snow wear his bloody body was, caved in. A really big cave in. Soon enough, I was swallowed up by a whirlpool maelstrom of cold, white powder. Before sinking below into the black abyss. Of course, the abyss was ice-cold and froze my entire body to the point of paralysis. Struggling for a final gasp of cold air, I blacked out.

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