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Hero Xtreme 7.9 · **04-24-2015, 08:01 PM**

NOCMM: ThunderBolt X cut a promo earlier and confirmed all my suspicions true. If you come out of his promo thinking anything other than the fact that he's a

and a

then you must have no idea what those words mean. Not only is ThunderBolt a gay

, but so is his ugly man of a 'wife'. This looks like a good promo to quote every line of it and explain exactly what

thought went into every word he said.

Quote:It is 8:00 in the morning on a sunny Tuesday. The scene shows a girl sitting at a computer screen. We also see a man sitting at a table enjoying toast and some orange juice. The girl turns to the man and reveals herself as Adriana Cass. The man gets up and walks into the living room, revealing himself to be Jacob Cass or XWF wrestler Thunderbolt X.

NOCMM: That's what the narrator says in the transcript version of this promo. In this description of the scene we learn that ThunderBolt's male 'wife' is also a nerd who uses a computer. Then we have the worst 'shocking reveal' of all time, WOAH THUNDERBOLT X IS JACOB CASS OH MY GOD THAT'S WHY HIS MAN WIFE TOOK HIS LAST NAME OH SHIT. I can tell the twist and turns in the rest promo will be sub-par as fuck if there are any. It's a rookie promo so I doubt it will.

Quote: Adriana Cass- "God that guy is such a jerk"

Jacob Cass- "Who is babe?"

Adriana Cass- "That Hero Extreme guy and his manager NOCCM"

Jacob Cass- "Why what did he say?"

Adriana Cass- "He keeps saying I'm not your wife because I keep forgetting to change my Twitter account"

Jacob Cass- "And now you know what I have to put up with at work"

NOCMM: Oh, ThunderBolt X brought the shitty puns in this promo. I guess that's cute. So here's where we're introduced to the fact that this Adriana Cass women has the delusion that she's a TV star I cut open and put my dick into. I assume we're meant to think that she never tweets about her husband for absolutely no reason at all. I follow this Kelli Burl-bitch on Twitter so I can DM her and ask if she wants me to put a hole in her leg and fuck it for a few hundred dollars and she has never once tweeted about this Jacob Cass or ThunderBolt X. It's not simply 'forgetting to change you're Twitter account' it's incredibly apparent that this Adriana Cass is not Kelli Berglund. 'She' just paid a surgeon to make it look like he is her. If you're roleplaying as Kelli Berglund maybe you should try acting like her instead of a fourteen year-old's idea of a dream girl.

Quote:Adriana Cass- "I sure do babe" "He also keeps saying he has had sex with me before"

Jacob Cass- "Don't worry about it babe, I don't believe a damn word, Hero or his manager says"

Jacob gives Adriana a romantic kiss and hug.

Jacob Cass- "I'll tell you what, how about I go to Warfare and beat the "holy" shit out of him for the both of us?"

NOCMM: I haven't had sex with Adriana Cass, because I'm not gay. ThunderRetard, I will never fuck your husband. I fucked the lady you like to pretend is your wife and I came all over her in a promo. Here's a link to it.

The link flashes across the screen you're watching the promo on.
http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=19278

NOCMM: I didn't know she was a famous Disney channel star at the time, but if you look at her that's obviously the real Kelli Berglund and not the man ThunderBolt X gay married and adopted children with. If that was the real Kelli Berglund she would've slapped you in the face for that shit pun. She makes enough of those at work, Kelli told me so herself when she paid me to fuck her arm. I believe her exact words were...

NOCMM plays a sound clip of the real Kelli Berglund's voice and not Adriana Cass's shitty impression of it.

Quote:Kelli Berglund: Please don't make any shitty puns about how you're fucking my "wholly" arm or something. I know you work closely with God and may not be able to resist, but I'm paying you to fuck me and puns are a huge turn-off. If you say that I'll beat your invisible face in.

NOCMM: If your wife really was Kelli Berglund there would be a case of domestic abuse and Jacob would come out it looking like a rookie bitch. Oh, and don't worry about my client saying something to you. God doesn't talk to rookies unless they pay and you can't afford it.

Quote:Adriana Cass- "That sounds like a plan" "Can you tell me what you plan on doing to him?"

Jacob Cass- "Anything for my loving and adorable wife" "But let me get a drink first, would you like one?"

Adriana Cass- "Yes please"

Jacob gives Adriana another romantic kiss and then goes into the kitchen. He fetches 2 glasses and opens the fridge. He grabs the juice carton and pours him and his wife a glass full. He hands the glass to Adriana and they both sit down on the couch.

NOCMM: Now here's our first plot hole. Why is ThunderBolt getting himself a glass of orange juice WHEN HE ALREADY HAS ONE? It's obvious this is a fake scene. That would never happen unless it was some kind of stage direction. Which means someone actually took the time to write this shit script. Kelli Berglund is a good actor and your man may look like her but it's obvious that 'she' can't act. Now that I think of it, let's take a look at Kelli Berglund's about me on Twitter.

Quote:Kelli Berglund's Twitter: Bree Davenport on Disney XD's Lab Rats and Mae Hartley in the Disney Channel Original Movie How to Build a Better Boy. xo

NOCMM: There's no mention of her playing the part of Adriana Cass, so she doesn't even consider your marriage a fake one. I bet she has no idea she's being impersonated and some XWF rookie is pretending to be married to her. If this is some elaborate hoax to get one of my fuck toys to notice you it's obviously not working. Try harder ThunderCunt.

Quote:Jacob Cass- "Ok babe, I plan on making him suffer for all the comments he has made about us"

Adriana Cass- "Aww you can be overprotective over me Jacob, but l love very much for it"

Jacob Cass- "I will let nothing happen to you babe" "I can't imagine my life without you Adriana" "You are my whole world babe" "I love you very much"

Jacob gives his wife a kiss and a hug.

Adriana Cass- "Aww you are so sweet" "You might get some action tonight"

Jacob Cass- "Well then I can't wait for tonight"

NOCMM: T.M.I. dude. Nobody wants to hear about how you're going to have gay sex with a man. Keep that shit to yourself,

. The old skool fans don't want to see two men kiss either. Put a trigger warning on that shit. If the word "Gay" was in the title of your promo in brackets then God loving people would know not to click on it and be insulted by the gay agenda.

NOCMM puts some ice on his head. The amount of

in this gay rookie's promo has given him a headache.

NOCMM: Good luck making me suffer for telling the truth about your 1st mate, butt pirate. I'm invisible. Unless you're talking about my client which doesn't make any sense because he doesn't even know your 'wife' is a man version of one of my living sex dolls, so he hasn't made any comments about 'her' condition.

Quote:Adriana looks at her phone and then frowns.

Jacob Cass- "What's wrong babe?"

Adriana Cass- "It's just that Hero guy" "He made fun of me and now I'm upset"

Jacob Cass- "Don't worry about him, he's just jealous because he hasn't met or fucked a women as pretty as you" "He is gonna pay for his sins" "Regardless if he is god or not"

Adriana Cass- "Well as long as he pays then I'll be happy"

Jacob Cass- "Trust me Adriana, he will" "In fact why don't I cut a promo now"

Adriana Cass- "Huh?"

Jacob Cass- "Can you get the promo camera from my room please babe?"

Adriana Cass- "Sure" "Did you want me to set it up and leave the room?"

Jacob Cass- "Actually I want you to be involved in this one" "Why don't you ask me some questions?"

Adriana Cass- "Uh sure babe, but what do I ask you?"

Jacob Cass- "Anything XWF related" "Mainly stick to my match with Hero and maybe my career"

Adriana Cass- "Ok I can do that babe"

Adriana walks in to Jacob's room and grabs the camera. She sets it up and then sits down next to Jacob on the couch.

NOCMM: This sure is a slow, boring, and repetitive script. Maybe you should try working off the cuff because acting isn't your calling. Audiences respond better to people being real with them nowadays instead of reading bland sentences off a piece of paper. Your writer doesn't even know that he had been writing a promo the whole time and has you transition into it like you haven't been cutting a promo this whole time. I'm guessing you got the cheapest writer you could find since you're so poor? That's a rookie mistake, but I'd expect a rookie wrestler to be naive enough to think a rookie writer could get the job done. Rookies are

like that.

NOCMM adjusts the bag of ice on his head.

NOCMM: Here's more proof that your wife isn't the real Kelli Berglund though. She would never go to your room and get a camera for you, because that's a man's job. Kelli Berglund is a woman so she can't play 'cameraman' with you. She doesn't have the parts, but who knows what your 'wife' has in-between his legs. 'She' probably has the balls to ask you the tough questions. Pun intended. So that was Thunderbolt's shitty "Pre-promo" we'll dig into what his writer considered the real promo in my next promo, but first I'd like to give you all a recap.

NOCMM tosses the bag of ice off his head.

NOCMM: ThunderBolt X's promo was boring, bland, fake, gay, lacked the proper trigger warnings, and it was shitty. I predict the 'real promo' will not be an improvement.

NOCMM takes a deep breath and prepares himself mentally for the rest of the shit promo as the scene fades to an Xtreme shade of black.

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