"Move your fat asses!"

*Rodd and Todd run in front of Gator's DeLorean, as All About That Bass blasts from the stereo. They aren't moving that fast, Gator slowly catching up to an out of breath Rodd and Todd as they run on a quiet road in Boston on a frosty morning. Gator beeps the horn*

"C'mon! Move! You want this job right!?"

T: "Huh huh Gator I huh though the huh games huh huh were over huh huh."

"The games are never over! I'm bringing booottyy baaaaaaaaaacck!~"

*Gator speeds up a little and nudges Rodd who is starting to slack. Rodd jolts from the light ass tap and runs faster, keeping up with Todd*

R: "This ishugh just huh cruel! huh pah hgh."

"I'm helping you guys get fit! You should thank me! Because I'm all about that bass, about that bass. No treble. SING DAMMIT!"

R: "Because I'm all huh uh about whew ugh that bass, huh bout eh eh that bass huh, no huh no treble."

T: " Huh because uh I'm all about that bass, abo-huh-ut that bass.. No uh no Treble. Huh."

"Okay stop. You're ruining this generic pop song that people hate for no real reason from an average sized girl who no one will remember.... On second thought you're both kinda doing this song justice."

*Rodd slows back down, as does Todd as they wildly swing their arms trying to push themselves forward. On the verge of falling over Rodd, slows way down and Gator rams the DeLorean into Rodd's back. Gator slams on the brakes as Rodd falls face ... Belly first onto the ground with a thud. Todd looks behind and tries to laugh before falling to his knees sucking in air. Rodd groans on the floor as Gator steps out of the car and walks to the front of the car*

"Holy shit! Are you okay?"

R: "I will be huh fine. Thank you."

T: "Huh he's not talking to you."

*Gator steps over Rodd and looks at the hood of the DeLorean*

"Baby, did that fat fuck hurt you? Rodd! You gelatinous blob of baguettes and lard! You scratched my car! Apologise!"

R: "You ran into me!!"

"You didn't run fast enough! Apologise!"

R: "Never!"

"Do you want to lose in a steel cage match with me? Because that's what happens to when stubborn fucks who don't apologise!"

R: "... Sorry."

"Better. Now get up, you're cracking the tarmac."

*Rodd slowly gets to his feet as Gator pulls a cigarette and lighter from his pocket, lighting it and drawing a long breath while inspecting the DeLorean. Todd raises his arms in victory*

T: "YES!"

*Gator snaps around looking at Todd*

"Fuck! Don't do that."

T: "I won! The games are over right?"

"The wha- OH. No, this was just for shits and giggles."

T: "What."

"Fat people running is funny. I just give the people what they want. It's the reason why I'm such a great TV champ."

R: "So I almost died for a joke!?"

"You're fine, stop being so melodramatic."

T: "So who wins then?"

*Gator puts the cigarette in between his masked lips and looks blankly between Rodd and Todd before shrugging*

"We have a vote."

R: "What? Like now?"

"No not like now you fucking imbecile. We let the people decide. I'll put up a poll on the XWF website. The fans and other wrestlers will decide your fate."

T: "Sounds fair I guess."

"And I'm all about fair. C'mon, let's go home."

*The three men head to the car. Gator stands at the driver's side watching Todd push the passenger's seat forward and letting Rodd struggle his way in, Todd goes to push the seat back into position but Gator interrupts*

"Tooooodd. No."

T: "What? Why?"

"My belt gets shotgun privileges. You know that. Backseat."

*Todd sighs and forces himself into the tiny backseat. Gator chuckles and enters the car and they drive away down the road*

*STAR WARS STYLE WIPE!*

*Gator sits on the couch between Rodd and Todd, he's a little squashed. He has a laptop in front of him as he taps on the keys. He stares at the screen for a moment before placing it on the coffee table in front of him and picking up the remote control as he taps on the buttons*

"Done. The poll is up."

T: "So when will we get the results?"

"I'm gonna give it around twenty four hours."

T: "Wow.. In twenty four hours I could never be your cameraman again."

"Yeah. You know why though Todd."

T: "Gator I would never do anything with Scarlett man, you know that. But she's a good looking girl, and the eye wanders."

"I know. I know. But I'm protective is all."

R: "I would never seduce your lady Gator."

"I know Rodd."

T: "So, what happens to the one who loses?"

*Rodd and Todd look towards Gator as he taps on the remote to raise the volume*

TV: Yes, Mama. But he was my dog. I'll do it.

*Gator makes a short breath of a laugh before lowering the volume and switching the channel. Todd and Rodd look terrified*

T: "Gator?"

"Yessum?"

T: "What happens to the one who loses?"

"..."

R: "Gator!"

"What!? I'm not going to take you round the shed and shoot you in between the eyes! That's ridiculous!"

T: "Yeah."

R: "Of course."

"I'll just get you put down at the vet."

T: "GATOR!"

"I'm haha joking! Chill the fuck out hahaha."

R: "Seriously. What happens to Todd once he loses."

T: "Hey!"

"Haha. I have a plan, don't worry. You'll both be fine. Promise."

T: "...Okay." R: "Alright then."

*The scene fades to black as the three men watch television*


BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPP

*A noise maker makes a sharp sound in full view of the camera and it snaps back into a coil to Gator's mouth, who is wearing a bright pink and blue party hat. He throws the noise maker to the side and chuckles*

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

"DA-DA-DADA - DAA-DA-DADA - DADA AULD LANG SYNE! Hahahaha. Everyone have a good new year? I did. Got fucked up. Me, Rodd, Todd, Scarlett and a bunch of our friends. Yes, I actually have friends outside the wrestling business. Mostly Scarlett's friends but they tolerate me enough to talk to me. Anyway, we had a huge ass house party, drinking, drugs, sex. All that jazz. Hell of a good time. You should have been there. If I invited any of you. Which I probably didn't. Don't get me wrong, I love all you guys. Well, some. But it would have been weird if a bunch of my fans turned up at my party, would have made things awkward. And things were awkward enough when Todd threw up on that chick."

*Todd's voice comes from behind the camera*

T: "C'mon man, no one needs to know about that."

"Lighten up it was funny."

R: "Oui. It was very funny muahahahhaha!"

T: "You're one to talk, mister cuddle up with the dog crying about how you'll never find love."

"HAHAHA!"

R: "You said you would be quiet about that."

T: "I lied dickweed."

"HAHAHA! When was this?"

T: "Around midnight. You were busy with Scarlett."

"Yeah I was."

*Gator and Todd high five above the camera. Gator sits back in place and composes himself*

"Alright enough, we can talk about this shit after. I need to address my good buddy Lane!"

"Vincent! Eurgh, that felt weird to say. Vinnie! How are you? How was your new year? Hope it was good, because twenty fifteen is going to suck for you. Hahahaha, remember when you said that stupid line? Ah, good times. Anyway, I'm surprised you haven't mouthed off again. Usually you never know when to close your mouth, did I leave you speechless? By god I hope I did. This place would finally get a moment of peace and quiet if you went mute. But sadly, I think you're going to come at me with that weak ass trash talk that everyone is accustomed too. Bigging yourself up to no avail, telling everyone about your career and how good you are like you actually fucking believe it. And myself, well, I'll just sit and wait for that weak shit to fall out of your mouth and toss it away with one swipe. Because I can. And it's fun."

"So, what now? I mean you called me out and I accepted. The days are getting closer and honestly I was expecting a lot of fury from you. I wanted to see that aging guy full of rage, trying to prove he can still play with the champions. But after that first promo, I didn't see it. I saw a defeated man. And I watched that promo and I was like, wow, that was fucking quick. This guy called Vinnie Lane, who acts like a rockstar with the style and the lifestyle but lives with a cheating bitch, a nice enough girl don't get me wrong, but she does throw herself towards anything with a dick, you have to admit that. So, we got this rockstar, living with his girlfriend, staying in on the weekends, cooling down and realising he's not as much of a challenge as he once was. Looking at baby pictures of himself with his mum and finding strange girls from his shady past on his doorstep. How fun!"

"I mean, I understand wanting to settle down and have somewhat of a normal life, believe me man, I fucking get that. But at least I don't pretend to be something I'm not. I know what I am. I am a crazed lunatic in a superhero costume who kicks ass by night and enjoys a quiet family style life by day. You? You pretend to be a rockstar, you pretend to be a fucking bad ass who should be feared and respected, but you don't like the rock n' roll lifestyle and you do not scare me, nor do I respect you. I like you, you're fucking awesome to hang around with. You're a laugh, but this wrestling stuff, I don't think it's for you anymore. Hang up that leopard skin g-string and just call it a day man. You're in for a hell of a lot of trouble if you carry on kidding yourself, thinking you could take me down."

"You can't beat me. You can't win this title. Accept these facts, give up now and enjoy life. Or don't. Whatever. Like I actually give a fuck what you do. But, if you do decide to actually continue down this path of fighting me, at the very least, give me a fucking fight. Have the goddamn common courtesy to do that. So, either fight me, insult me, humiliate me and fucking mean it or give up. These are your options. So, that's it basically, give me a real fight or I'll cut your fucking dick off."

*The scene fades*








*to BETTER TODD!*