Sometime last week

The scene fades in a beautiful late November day in the Valley of the Sun the backdrop for this day is the Pryce Industries Corporate Headquarters located in downtown Phoenix. Walking onto the scene is none other than Jimmy Durance, former Theo Pryce lacky and now Executive VIce President. One of Theo's final acts as CEO was to make sure Erica kept Jimmy on. A rather selfless act and probably the only one of Theo's life. As a result Jimmy has been able to enjoy the last several weeks of his life without the berating torture that was being Theo's errand boy. It's allowed Jimmy to move out on his own and not only develop but put on display some actual self confidence. And it is that new found self confidence that has lead us to this moment. The moment where Jimmy Durance asks a woman out on a date.

But not just any woman. Susan Taylor. The woman that has been the proverbial apple of Jimmy's eye for some time now. Susan is a paralegal on Pryce Industries team of inhouse counsel. A recent graduate of Harvard Law, Susan moved across the country to work for Pryce Industries, spurring offers from several top law firms. Over the course of the last three weeks Jimmy and Susan have been working closely together while preparing the defense for a discrimination suit being brought against Pryce Industries by a former intern.

Jimmy make his way down a long hallway at the end of which is a set of double doors. To the right of the double doors is a small name plate that reads "File Room". Jimmy opens the doors and proceeds in. Towards the back of the room rifling through a file cabinet is Susan. So engrossed in what she is doing Susan doesn't even hear the door open or close or see that she is no longer alone in the room. Jimmy walks up behind her but stops at what he perceives to be a safe distance so as to not startle her.


"Hi Susan."


Susan turns around, the glasses she is wearing are resting semi comfortably halfway down her nose.


"Oh Hi Jimmy! I didn't even hear you come in."

"Yeah I can see that. Anything I can help you with?"

"No no. I am just about wrapping this up. Just looking for one or two more documents that should be in here somewhere."


Susan turns back around and continues looking through the paperwork until she comes across the two documents she was looking for.


"Perfect, right where I left them."


Susan removes the two pieces of paper from the file and walks them over to the table where she places them into another file, closes it and smiles at Jimmy.


"Susan I was....I was wondering if maybe you would like to have dinner with me. Or not, that's ok too. You know, whatever it is you want is good with me."

"Jimmy, if you are going to ask someone out on a date, ask them out on a date. Don't ask them out and then say its ok if they don't want to go."

"Right. Sorry. I'm just nervous."

"Yes I can see that. And yes, I'd love to go out to dinner with you. How about Friday night, would that work for you?"

"Friday would be perfect. Ok, well I'll let you finish up. I'll see you around."

"Bye Jimmy."


Jimmy turns around and exits the file room with a huge smile across his face. He grabs his cell phone out of his pocket and starts typing up a text message presumably to fill his mother in on the good news. Unfortunately while Jimmy is doing this he doesn't notice the sign in the middle of the floor that says "Stairway Closed due to waxing." With his eyes fixated on his cell phone screen Jimmy proceeds past the sign and right though the yellow emergency tape and onto the first step. And that's when it happens.

Jimmy's front foot slips causing him to lose his balance. His cell phone goes flying out of his hand as he rolls down the steps only stopping when his contorted and lifeless body comes to the end. His neck clearly broken.

The next day

The scene fades into Theo's condo. Theo is seated on the couch playing Grand Theft Auto V on the PS4. A line up of Red Bulls and pizza boxes are situated on the glass table before him. Theo's cell phone which was on the couch next to him lights up and starts ringing. Without taking his face off the screen he reaches up with his right hand and hits a button on the headset he is wearing.


"Go for Theo."

"Theo it's Erica."

"Erica? Erica Rayner?"

"Yes."

"To what do I owe the displeasure?"

"Theo, Jimmy's dead."

"Jimmy? Jimmy Durance, Jimmy?"

"Yes."

"What? How? Did you scream at him so much he dropped dead of a heart attack in your office? I knew you would be the death of him."

"Theo he fell down a flight of stairs at the office."

"Well you better hope his parents don't sue the ever living shit out of you. I hope you kept that legal team on and didn't fire them like you fired so many others. Anything else you need to say to me? I'm kind of busy at the moment.."

"The funeral is in three days at The Church of Saint Matthew and Saint Timothy in New York City. I thought you would like to know."

"Bye Erica."


Theo reaches up with his right hand and taps the same button he did previously, ending the call.

Three Days Later

A sea of people dressed in black are filing into The Church of St. Matthew and St. Timothy in New York City. From across the street Theo Pryce watches and waits for the frenzy to die down before proceeding across the street. A few minutes ago Erica Rayner, Jim Davis and a few other executives from Pryce Industries including the man responsible for running the New York branch exited a black SUV and entered the church. A few minutes pass allowing Theo to finish the coffee and bagel he bought from the cart down the block. He tosses the trash in a metal waste basket on the corner and crosses the street, making sure to look both ways. Once across the street Theo puts his head down to avoid drawing any attention and enters the church. His plan is to sit in the back, take in the services and walk out before anyone notices he's there. A plan that is shot to shit when he sees Erica Rayner standing a few feet from the entrance, clearly waiting to see if Theo would be showing up.


"Theo."

"Erica."

"I was hoping you would show up."

"Why?"

"Jimmy's mother called me the other day."

"That's nice. Is she suing you?"

"No. She called because she was looking for you."

"What? Why? I've never even met the woman."

"She wanted to know if you would do a Eulogy for Jimmy."

"Me? I am the last person that should do that."

"I agree. But according to Jimmy's mother you and her son were close and so she thought you would have something nice to say."

"Close? It took everything I had not to throw him down a set of stairs myself. I'm actually a bit salty that the stairs got to him before I did."

"That's an awful thing to say."

"And yet you're not surprised."

"Will you do it? Will you do a Eulogy for Jimmy?"

"Absolutely not. I'll leave before I do that."

"Theo it would mean a lot to his mother. She is burying her son today. Show some compassion."

"I did. I asked you to keep him on, and look where that got us."


Theo tilts his head to the side in an attempt to look past Erica.


"Hey isn't that Susan the paralegal? Damn she got hot over the summer. I'm going to have to get me some of that."

"You're a pig."

"Tell me something I don't know."

"Do the Eulogy Theo it will mean a lot to his mother."

"So would a couple million dollars from you as hush hush money. Let's see which one happens first."

"Whatever."


Erica turns around and storms off. Theo grabs a program from one of the back pews and then takes a seat in the back as planned. He opens the program and looks it over.


"Son of a bitch."


Written in size 12 Times New Roman font right under Eulogies - Theo Pryce - friend of the deceased. That's right, Theo can pick out font styles like Frodo can pick out potential rape victims. In between swallowing gallons of man goo of course. Sure Frodo will tell you that he's only raped one person but do you really believe that someone who has raped once, and deals drugs and lets his kids fuck each other has really only raped one person? Really?

The services progresses at a moderate pace. From where Theo is seated he only hears Jimmy's mother sobbing twice which is actually about a dozen times less than Theo had bet the homeless man on bench he met in Washington Square that it would be. The first two Eulogies concluded and now there is an awkward pause. It's Theo's turn. He slumps down in his pew a little bit hoping no one will notice and then as if the entire world were plotting against him Jimmy's mother, Erica, Jim Davis and even Susan the paralegal all turn around and look directly at Theo. Being as that he is in church Theo only says under his breath what he was really feeling. He stands up, buttons the top button on his jacket and walks up to the front of the church. Once there Theo makes the sign of the cross and then steps up to the podium, adjusting the mic once to put it in the perfect position so as to amplify what he is about to say.


"Hello. For those of you who don't know me my name is Theo Pryce and I'm kind of a big deal. Worth 10 billion dollars, professional wrestler, super spy and all around wonderful person. Jimmy Durance was my...frrrrr.....ene......employee. Jimmy was my gopher. He did everything for me. Got me coffee, meals, did my dry cleaning, drove me all around, he did it all. And he wasn't half bad at it. Anyway one of Jimmy's favorite things to do was talk to me about my wrestling career. Jimmy was a huge wrestling fan. Any of you out there a wrestling fan? Any of you?"


Theo looks out in the crowd searching for someone whose face gives them away. Looking....still looking...


"You there...young boy in with the baby blue tie."


Theo points to the young boy who is sitting in the center of the pew about 6 rows back. Those around the young boy turn their attention to him, except, it's not a young boy.


"Go ahead, you can raise your hand. Take a bow if you wish."


The young boy does not move. Instead the people around him start to shake their heads and thats when it finally hits Theo.


"Wait, you aren't a young boy, you're one of those midgets, or little people. Frodo is that you? What are you doing here? I know you cared about Jimmy ever since that one time you popped his anal cherry in London while he was bombed off his mind. Opps...was I not supposed to say that? Sorry Mrs. Durane but your son, well, he had sex with a man. Well, a half man actually. A little raping midget. Jimmy and I never really talked about it but he knew that I knew. But it's ok. I never judged him because he was half gay."


Mrs. Durance puts a white handkerchief up to her mouth and begins sobbing again, this time longer and harder than she had at any time previously.


"Well I guess you aren't Frodo. That's a shame. It would have made sense for him to be here but I guess he's busy with his Asylum buddies. Anyway, since Jimmy loved talking about my wrestling career so much I guess I'll talk about my upcoming match with you all. In honor of Jimmy. Anyway as some of you may or may not know next week my two partners and I, the Kings have a title match against three guys from some group called the Asylum. Now if any of you have been watching the XWF lately you've seen this group of whack jobs get involved anywhere and everywhere all in the name of a Higher Power that refuses to show his face. Reminds me of a certain Pest actually but don't worry he's not the Higher Power. That much I know for sure."

"You know what else I know for sure? That Frodo, my former drug dealer and friend, since joining the Asylum has turned into a total bitch. And it pains me greatly because one of the things I respected about him is that he didn't care what anyone had to say about him. He was always going to be him, he was always going to do his thing no matter what and now? Now he's trying so desperately to belong to something, to anything that he's allowing it to change who he is at his core. Frodo was different and now, not. Frodo was the guy that you knew would come back at you 5 seconds after you thought you finally got the upper hand in an argument against him and make you question everything you thought you knew. And now, now he's resorted to pussy tactics like sitting on promos because he's afraid of what his opponents may say about him. Before he never cared, now he can't stop caring. And maybe that's the difference between him and I, besides the fact that he's a raper and unable to ride all the rides at most amusement parks. I'll never care because caring is for pussies."

"So I guess what I'm trying to say is this, Jimmy cared. He cared a lot. He cared about doing a good job. He cared about making his parents proud, especially his mother. He cared about making me proud. And all I ever did was verbally shit all over the kid. And he took it. Because he was a pussy. Well...now he's dead. So I guess that makes him God's pussy."


Theo smiles for the audience which at this point is irate. He steps down off the podium and walks down the center aisle and right out the door of the church, winking at Erica as he does as if to say, "I told you so."