The scene is a small office type room in Theo's new luxury condo. A small glass desk with a laptop, a laptop that is not plugged in because have you ever seen a laptop that was plugged in when you watch a movie or tv show? Of course not. Theo swings around in his leather desk chair to address the camera.


Friends I need to tell you all about a serious problem that has been plaguing the XWF for the last several weeks. No I'm not talking about the massive influx of talentless assholes that have been walking through the doors of the XWF.

Seriously, when the fuck did the XWF's talent department turn into the US Border Patrol? We'll take fucking anybody these days.

Exhibit A.

The Asylum.

And I'll be honest here with you all for a second, because that's who I am. I'm a nice and honest guy. Just ask Frodo. My number one fan. But I actually had no idea who the hell was in this Asylum. Not.A.Fucking.Clue. That is until they decided to get all up in my shit. Which, who could blame them? I'm fucking loaded, chicks are all up on my dick like Peter Glmour is all up on Pamela Lane's sandy snatch. Seriously, Glamour Magazine just voted some guy who looks exactly like me as the 4th sexiest man in the world. And to top it all off I'm a fucking spy. Now granted I don't have an awesome accent like James Bond but I did act in a commercial where I had to fake an accent and of course I fucking killed it like I do everything else.

But anyway back to the Asylum, the XWF's newest collection of miscreants. It seems as though there has to be a group like this that pops up every so often. If it's not the Congregation it's the n.W.o, if it's not the n.W.o it's the Asylum. And it is from this Asylum, this collection of crazies that comes the Kings next opponents. Two people I am rather familiar with and one that I am not.

First let me address my buddy, my pal, my former drug dealer. Frodo. I heard what you had to say Frodo and first let me say thank you. I really appreciate all the kind things you threw my way. I really appreciate your unflinching love and respect while the number of detractors lining up to besmirch their Universal Champ grows daily. There is something to be said for that kind of loyalty. Truth is, I could probably assfuck your daugther, have her go ass to mouth while having it appear on national television and you would consider it the greatest thing to ever happen to you. Because that would mean that the next time you give your daughter a kiss that will mean your mouth was that much closer to my dick, a badge I know you would wear proudly. Unfortunately though that little fantasy will remain just that, a fantasy. And it's not because your daughter is unattractive, she isn't. She's well below what I would consider fucking but she's not Maria Brink either.

Unfortunately though not all the news is good news my friend. As you know I recently took a job with the government and unfortunately they are requiring frequent drug tests because apparently my rampant drug use is well documented and the last thing they want is a coked up spy killing towel heads in their name. So yeah, the one reason I really ever had to acknowledge your existence is no longer valid. Kind of sucks but it is what it is. You were a hell of a drug dealer little hobbit. Know that. When you die I'll be sure to say that during your eulogy.

But don't worry Frodo, we can still be friends. Granted I have no need for your services anymore as I have reluctantly been forced to give up drugs. But if you still want to be my biggest fan and hide in the bushes by where I live I promise I'll keep pretending like I don't see you. Because that's the kind of guy I am. You said so yourself.


Theo reaches down and pulls something out of his gym bag, he turns it over and really study's it and then holds it up to the camera. It's his Enigma mask.


Now I want to talk about Hysteria. The man behind the mask, taking his marching orders from the man behind the curtain. Or in the trash can, or up in a tree. No one really knows who or where the Higher Power is. No one that is except you. Which for all we know could be a bold faced lie. You could just be telling your brethren that there is a Higher Power calling the shots and that you are just his mouth piece because you know that none of those fucknuts would follow you as their leader. And do you know why?

Because a leader, a true leader is not the kind of coward to hide his face behind a mask. Now I know what you are thinking. You're thinking, "who the fuck are you to talk about guys wearing masks when you wore one yourself." and to that I'll say this. Please I beg you, please go down that road with me so that I can rip you to pieces. Because the truth is much like that developmental title that you hold around your waist your ability to sling rocks at your opponent and actually hit the mark is very much a work in progress. You believe yourself to be cryptic and confusing. Of course you do. Because anyone that's ever masqueraded around in a mask believed themselves to be cryptic. Believe me, I wrote the mother fucking book on it. But confusing? The only thing I find confusing about you is how you've made it this far in life while accomplishing so very little. So by all means use your sling shot, throw some rocks my way and watch what happens when you bring a slingshot to a gunfight. Call me a hypocrite and a coward, or a pompous asshole, nothing I haven't heard before. See where it gets you. Maybe you could read from your little book and see if that gives you some guidance on how to deal with the reality that is facing you now. A match with three of the greatest wrestlers this industry has ever seen.

Or.

You could just say nothing and save yourself the hassle and embarrassment. But you won't. You'll ignore the free advice that I just gave you and in return it will cost you dearly. Not as dearly as your lack of actual wrestling skill will but it certainly won't do you any favors I promise you that.

Last and certainly least we have Mickey Manson, the Martyr. That is what you are calling yourself now right? You and I, we have a little history right? I bailed you out of jail and in turn you got your face beat in at War Games and then got thrown off the roof by a guy known for being one of the feds many punching bags. Then you disappeared for a while and came back as this ass sucking member of the Asylum. Seriously, what is your role in this group exactly? Hysteria is supposedly the mouthpiece for your groups true leader, Frodo I guess his job is to go around and get under everyone's skin. Ghost Tank's role is to make guys like John Madison laugh with their lack of substance. Fyre? He at least has a pretty dope name. But you? What exactly do you do?

Fuck, just thinking about what to say about an utter nobody like you is frustrating me. I honestly don't even know what to say. So you know what I'm going to do. I'm going to get some help.


Theo spins back around in his chair and hits a few keys on his keyboard.


"Oh this is a good one, I like this."

"Goddamn you are loathsome and you reek, we should hang out sometime so I can stab you in the throat."

"Do you like that Mickey? I got that using the insult generator online because I've heard that people do that. I don't know who, or why. Might as well just say nothing but since I am lacking on what exactly to say to you I'll just throw out a few more things that this nifty little website came up with for me.

"Let's see..."

"You are repelling and you smell like twat gravy."

"Twat gravy? That's new, but I like it."

"Ok one more."

"Don't you think it would be best if your shut your humping noise hole, you witless douchebag."

"There we go, of all of the free insults that the internet thought up for me, I like that one the best. That's how little I think of you Mickey, I let the internet come up with insults for me. What a completely fucked up strategy but you know what? I'm fairly certain that you won't have the balls to throw it back in my face."

"Now that we got all that shit out of the way, I'm going to slam Demi Lovato because apparently she thinks I'm that guy from that movie with super heroes and who am I to crush her dreams? Seriously, she's laying in my bed right now naked. Run Frodo. Run as hard and fast as you can and you might get here in time to watch me give her a money shot."


Theo reaches forward and hits a button on the back of the camera rendering the screen completely black.