We join our heroes were we left of, standing awkwardly in Gretchin's shack. Game Boy, his palm seemingly stuck to his face and Gator now sat on a tiny tree trunk chair looking at GB and Gretching as she stirs the cauldron. Game boy shakes his head and sighs, plopping his arms back by his side.


"How did I get the riddle wrong?"


"It wasn't that hard. It wasn't much of a riddle."


"Find the alligator by the river of tea leaves. That's pretty hard Gretchin."


"No, find Ali, get there before he leaves."

Game Boy's eye twitches with his jaw hung. Gator chuckles.

"Pfff dude you were way off."


"You know Ali. He lives in the city, the shopkeep who owns the spell shop. Seriously GB how did you miss that?"


"I was in a rush!"

"Idiot."


"Hey."


"Agreed."


"Hey!"


"No matter, Gator can still help. He's a strong champion. You two must go far from here to a hidden dungeon, across the deserts the journey will be perilous and filled with danger none the less, there you will find a weapon of mass destruction. You must destroy that weapon before it falls into the wrong hands- Game Boy what are you muttering?"

While Gretchin was talking Game Boy was muttering under his breath, his hand placed on Gator's shoulder. A black box pops up in front of him.

- 99 Lives. ⇨ Fast Travel. - Moon Gravity. - Big Head Mode.

And with that Gator and Game Boy disappear. Leaving Gretchin in a fit of rage as she screams in anger at the fact of GB using cheats. We go to an empty desert, the sand being carried by the wind and our heroes materializing in front of a small temple made of hard sand bricks. Gator clutches his chest on his knees as Game Boy looks miffed to say the least.

"Holy fucking shit! You ever do that again I will hold your power button down until you never wake up!"


"There's a classic video game called 'Over It' you should get it."

"What?"

Gator gets to his feet, shadowing GB.

"Did you just give me sass!?"


"Perhaps . Come on, let's get this over with so I can go back to sleep."

"Lead the way asshole."

Game Boy walks into through the open dark entrance and Gator follows.

. Grr.

...

...

...

Finally!

"The fuck was that! Did we die!? Were we in limbo!?"


"What are you talking about?"

"You're kidding right!? You didn't notice the hellish white space we occupied for a minute before entering this fucking dungeon!?"


"What? We stepped right through. You're weird, come on we're wasting time."

Don't worry Gator, it was a loading screen.

"A loading screen? This is a SNES game, there are no loading screens. Screen transitions sure but this is a cartridge based game, not disc based! It makes no sense!"

Don't think to hard about it. Trust me, it's the easiest way. Gator shakes his head as he walks down the steps further into the candle lit hall joining Game Boy at the bottom of the stairs. GB looks annoyed, his arms crossed staring straight ahead. Gator strolls up and looks at GB, and then ahead to a dark foreboding hallway that is seemingly endless.


"Okay, we have to walk all the way through the dungeon, defeat small enemies, defeat the boss, get the macguffin and bingo, we're done."

While Game Boy is saying this Gator goes over to the wall beside him and knocks on it, creating a hollow noise. Gator punches through the wall which smashes creating a large hole to a room with a beastly sword levitating in the center. GB jolts from the noise and looks towards Gator


"How did you?"

"Dungeon layouts in these old games are usually the same, the end area is usually located close to the entrance so when you beat the boss you don't have to travel all the way back wasting valuable hours."


" . That's pretty smart. Well, go ahead."

Gator steps through the hole into the large room and GB follows dusting the debris off. They get closer to the huge sword in the middle of the room until a growl echoes through the room and a heavily armored dark knight crashes through the roof, kneeling by the sword and grabbing it as our heroes watch.


The villain stands tall and turns to our heroes and growls as it swipes the sword through the air causing our heroes to be knocked back and slide across the floor. Now the battle begins.

Lysandrin
Game Boy
Gator

Our heroes rush towards the evil knight and simultaneously slide under another sword slash, Game Boy uses his energy to dash around Lysandrin and circle him, while distracted Gator tackles Lysandrin knocking him off balance for a second but Lysandrin quickly regains his footing stabbing at Gator but it's blocked by Game Boy who punches the blade away making Lysandrin open his guard. Game Boy charges up as a blue aura surrounds him, Gator runs to the side of Lysandria and begins punching at his ribs and sword wielding arm. The boss growls again and lifts the sword high driving it into the ground, cracking and splitting the earth where Gator stood. He barely managed to roll out of harm's way, with Lysandrin distracted GB charges at full speed and leaps head first into the foul knight's helmet. Pieces of metal rip from him as Lysandrin and Game Boy fall to the ground.

Lysandrin
Game Boy
Gator

"Shit that must have hurt. You okay dude?"


"I'll be fine, just find his weak spot."

GB gets to his feet and joins Gator as Lysandrin spasms on the ground and roars, inhumanly getting to his feet and swiping quickly at the two who duck and weave the attacks. Game Boy jumps onto the blade and runs on top of it kicking Lysandrin in the face. Gator scans the dark knight and see something glow red within it's chest. Gator charges and leaps into the air, a red aura surrounding him as he punches through the horror's chest. Gator's arm goes straight through it's heart as blood covers Gator's arm. Lysandrin twists and contorts, screaming bloody hell ad Lysandrin collapses in on himself and exploding into pixels. Gator stands over the fallen sword in disbelief as Game Boy falls to the floor grinning.

LYSANDRIN DEFEATED! 1000 exp. gained!

Gator picks up the sword examining it.


"Good work man, we make a pretty good team."

"That was easier than I expected."


"Yeah, well there isn't much evil left in Narfinex so the bosses are a little powered down."

"So, that's it? We're done?"


"Yup. Just need to destroy that thing."

"Yeah... How did you do that fast travel thing?"


"Easy. Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, A B."

A box of cheats pop up in front of the two. Gator looks back at the sword and back to the cheats in front of him.


"Then you select fast travel and say where you wanna go, in this case I guess a volcano would do. You ready?"

"... Sure."

Game Boy stands next to Gator and goes to place his hand on him, but Gator kicks him away! What!?

"Boston, Massachusetts! Screw you! Thanks for the sword!"

Game Boy tries to grab at Gator but he disappears into thin air. GB stands still looking at where Gator stood.


"fCENSORED"

The footage fades to black.


*Gator sits on a chair, his arm resting in the handle of his badass new sword as he looks into the camera*

"Gein, or Mickey whatever you want to call yourself. You jumped right onto the whole I'm ugly under this mask thing right away. You know what, I'm tired of hearing that one, like seriously? Can anyone come up with something better than I wear a mask so I must be ugly? Talk about overplayed, you know what Gein, so what if I'm ugly under this mask? I could look like a George Clooney under this thing or I could look like Steve Buscemi, it doesn't matter. Because ugly or handsome, it doesn't change the fact that I can kick your ass up and down the ring, it doesn't change the fact that I'm the Television champion for a reason and it doesn't change the fact that you simply don't deserve this belt. Fuck, you talk about how I wear a mask so I must be ugly but you're the fucker who wears goddamn face paint! You make yourself look like a monster because you can't fucking act like one. I don't give a fuck what you look like without your make up, I just know that you are worthless and fucking pathetic. You're the special type of who gets help from fucking Frodo! You're the special type of who says that I haven't spoken about him a lot this week, a day before we have our match. You're the special type of drooling, pin headed fucking vacuum inside your skull, dumb, ugly, idiotic, wannabe badass but failing miserably fucking who thinks he has any chance of winning after doing literally fuck all in this company. You said because I'm the champ that doesn't mean I have the best chance of winning.... Really? So, because I already won and defended this belt that means I haven't got the biggest chance of winning. Yeah, fuck yeah Mick, flawless logic you dense twat. Jesus, I can't believe you're going around calling everyone a trying to copy of that fucking hollow vessel Frodo when you are the biggest fucking I have ever seen in my life! Fuck you! Fuck your whole image and fuck the fact that you actually think for a minute you are on my level. You are a fucking insect compared to me, no that would be an insult to insects. You are nothing to me. A grain of sand on a beach, that little clump of dirt under your fingernails, that is what you mean to me, that is what you mean to everyone. Have I talked about you enough now? Stroked that ego of yours. Good. Go fuck yourself if you think you're worth another goddamn second of my time."

"Heartsford, can I call you John? I'm gonna call you John. I'm good John, back home in Boston after a marvelous adventure in video game land. I would have carried on being nice to you, but you just had to fuck up didn't you? Call Scarlett a whore.... Well, I'm ticked off to say the least. First, before I forget I promised her I wouldn't go after her exes, she wasn't too pleased with that, if you bothered to look at my first promo for King of the Ring, you would know that but I digress. Listen here Johnny, you fucking scumbag. Scarlett isn't a whore, a whore is someone who sleeps with people for money. Like your mother who banged some drunk guy at a renaissance fair or your grandmother who whored herself out to the sailors by the docks during the great war. You're a whore basically, you use money to get something you wouldn't normally get, like a title shot in this case instead of a young altar boy or whatever you're into. You used your hard earned cash to buy your way into this match and you have the nerve to call an innocent woman a whore. How fucking dare you. You're meant to be a fucking knight or some shit right? Where the fuck is the honour in calling a woman who has nothing to do with all this a whore? Take too many lances to the head or the ass in your case? Polished your sword to hard and ruptured a blood vessel so now your brain is drowning in blood causing you to forget how a knight acts? Also, you're from fucking Baltimore! Last time I fucking checked the only knight to be associated with anything close to Baltimore was fucking Martin Lawrence and that a god awful movie! Well, you're fucking braindead but at least you admit you lose a lot, and for a braindead fucktard you at least know how I won this belt. Here's the thing though John, and I want you to think about this long and hard. I hit Davids with the Disaster Drop, got up high fived my best friend, looked at Davids lying out cold on the floor, shrugged and played rock, paper, scissors with my best friend, won that and pinned Davids to win the match. I hit that cunt so fucking hard I could dick around and still pin him easily. Doesn't look good for you if I hit you with the Disaster Drop and learn how to juggle before getting the pin. Ha, shit looks like I have another objective in this match."

"Now the other two, I'm just going to lump you two up in a big ball so I can get done with you quicker. Mickey and John, they at least tried to put up a fight, you two talked the loudest before this week and haven't stepped up to the plate yet. I can understand, I'll be scared of facing me too. Now, you're probably going to put up a promo and try to get the last dig in but it won't work. The deed is done and everything you say and do will be for naught. You're both fucking screwed and I'm glad, you never deserved this belt so I'm happy I get to fucking destroy you. Seriously, I had high hopes for you Sane. Another fucking let down. And Iceman, looks like you're going to get a name change soon and a lot of shit on your face. Despite me and Frodo having our issues these past weeks, I hope he's watching this, Mexican food and high five pooping. Yes."

"I'm wiping my hands with you lot now. Everything will be decided in the ring and I will prove that I am the greatest TV champ of all time. So all of you, good luck, you're all going to need it because believe me, when we're all there in Beijing, I will not pull any punches and I will give all of you fucking thieves what you deserve. I will tear all of you limb from fucking limb."