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Darkwynd · **10-31-2014, 03:02 PM**

"Catherine O'Hare Burchill and Tyson Fury will be no better than toilet paper against a sasquatch's ass. You see, no matter how hard a squatch wipes, or how many times, therewill always be shit left over. Because they have hairy asses. You see, XWF is much the same, in yhat it has a big hairy ass with lots of shit stuck to it. I'm not talking about greats like Eli James or Peter Gilmour. No. I mean shit like the aforementioned Burchill and Fury. I saw her promo, and I've never heard of him. But hell, you can just call me Johnson & Johnson, cause I'mma be a big fat baby wipe and wipe that shit off the face of the Earth come Wednesday."

He sighs and reaches into the pocket of his black leather jacket. The young man pulls out not only an open pack of Marlboro Reds, but a very familiar monogrammed silver Zippo. The initials "C.A" adorn the lighter as he flicks it, flame dancing to meet the tip of his cigarette. He looks at the camera, arching an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry I didn't bring my titles, guys. I know you guys wanted me to speak of my many accomplishments here in the wild world of pro wrestling. Considering that I have neverwrestled a single match, it becomes an even greater feat. I must be the biggest bad ass in existence. I mean, being handed non-existent titles just because non-existent promoters think I'm..." makes air quotations. "..."cool" or "hip"."

He looks confused for a moment. "OH! You haven't heard? I am a champion, according to Miss Burchill. Sweet, right?" He grins and puffs on his cigarette. "So not only is she dumb, she's also a liar. I do not recall ever calling myself a champion. Not once. As for her being dumb, well, when you do not understand a simple mainstream reference there's something wrong with you. Everyone say it with me....I BEAT MIKE TYSON ON MIKE TYSON'S PUNCH OUT. Nintendo Entertainment System. Duh. The reference was made because A. Noone knows who the fuck Tyson Fury is and B. I'm fucking insane. Get it? Crazy. Off my rocker. There will be more references like that. Okay?" He stares at the viewer unquestioningly. He totally wants an answer. Then he seamlessly continues."Good. Because it doesnt matter whether you understand or not. I never asked you to understand me. I'm not asking you to embrace me as a ..." more air quotations. "..."fan favorite". Nope. Just watch me work and decide on that. It's so...you know...whatever. Isn't that what the kids are saying?"

He hesitates for a moment.

"As long as I'm trying to be funny, I might as well tell a joke." He clears his throat. "What do deaf porn stars and ninja have in common?"

Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock. Jeopardy them. He grins.

"Give up?"

"You never hear them coming!"

Insert rimshot as the bizarre Darkwynd laughs maniacally. Even the cameraman stifles a chuckle. Apparently, Darkwynd thinks his little joke is hilarious, encouraging the cameraman to laughwith him. The cameraman finally starts laughing as well, until Darkwynd becomes dead serious. Eerily serious, his eyes focused on the camera.

"Soon everyone will see. Soon they will understand. This is no laughing matter. Tyson Fury doesn't take this seriously but he should. Has he bothered to upload a promo? No. Probably thinks because he's black then everyone will roll out the red carpet for him. And there's a white girl in this match, so there's that too. Some black people have that fever. Snowflake Fever. You know..."

"Ummm...how do you know he's black?"

"My point exactly. Noone's heard from him. So I assume."

"I can't disagree. I haven't seen him either. But that still doesn't completely answer the question."

"Look. Most people named Tyson are black. Yes, it's a stereotype. No, I'm not racist. I sold crack to some fine negroes back in the day. When they weren't panning their neighbor's VCR they were fine people. But his name ought to be Tyson Lazy. I sit here in front of the cameras, everyday, being witty and what does he do? No doubt sitting somewhere drinking malt liquor and eating chicken."

"Dude..."

"Damn it Steve!"

"Ummm...my name is Derek.."

Darkwynd looks surprised.

"And you're white?"

"Yes. Caucasian."

"Well I'll be damned. That's just nice right there."

"(Sigh)."

-Fade to Black-

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode He talks too, ya know (Rp 3)
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