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Guppy Parsh · (09-15-2014)

~Act I~

“Steviiiiil, I don’t think this is a good ideaaa,” Guppy closed his eyes.

“Shut up, I’ve had enough of your whining. It all started when you grew that thing. This is the only way to make it stop.”

Stevil sadistically raised the samurai sword of purification above his masked and evil head. With a demonic downward strike the sword cut the air, but stopped dead in its tracks when it tapped the epidermis of Guppy’s exposed shlong.

Stevil wickedly raised the samurai sword of purification and struck the whiner’s wiener once again, but the weapon just bounced off of Guppy’s shaft.

“Di-,”

“NO! Shut the fuck up, Guppy, I’m trying to kill whatever evil spirit has made you whine like a fucking girl.”

“I’m sorryyy!” whined Guppy, but nothing he could say would help his case.

Stevil relentlessly ground his samurai sword of purification against his grindstone of radiance. Obviously the problem was that his sword wasn’t sharp enough. It was completely improbable that there was some sort of magical intervention here. Detached penises always grow back in five months. There were no supernatural works at play.

“This time it’s coming off, Guppy! Our promos are going to be weak shit if I let you stay this fucking bitchy,” Stevil disturbingly grabbed Guppy by his cock’s head and sickeningly massaged it before he maliciously tugged it allowing it to stretch to its full length. Stevil fiendishly led his samurai sword of purification over Guppy’s phallus, “The third time is the charm, Guppy.”

However, there was no logical reason for it to work. All Stevil had was his clichés. He was so certain that Guppy’s peter would come right off. He wasn’t aware of the possible ramifications of tampering with an act of God (and Satan). Stevil was foolish. He should have taken those obvious warning signs into account, but that’s what a real person would’ve done.

~Act II~

Stevil thought this was a controlled environment, and he was right. Except, this wasn’t Stevil’s set. He wasn’t sitting in the director’s chair. Stevil was alone. There was no sword. There was no purification. There was no magic penis. There was just a dollhouse and some imagination. But, why?

Why would Stevil pretend to be a famous promo director, no, dare I say “The Based God of Promo Directing”? Why would that fact be plastered all over his promos? Was he trying to break immersion? Was achieving the artistic high ground worth it? Was all the anger that went along with it worth it? Did he have something to gain from exposing the business? Was his muckraking really needed? Or necessary?

Some would say that it’s in a promo director’s best interests to keep his audience guessing. I’m sure Stevil wanted to keep them wondering, but how long could he keep it up? Stevil didn’t hide anything. Stevil was very transparent. Stevil was brash. Stevil was bold. Stevil was stupid. So fucking stupid, but that’s Stevil.

~Act III~

I say when the next act begins; I'm sorry if that bugs you, but you have to understand I set the pace, this is my story, and I like it this way.

The act numbers are arbitrary.

Go on, Stevil, be yourself. See what it does to you. It’s 2014; you can be you. I won’t stall the scene any longer. What does it matter to me? I’m just the guy who really directs the promos.

In fact, I’m glad this is going to happen you, Stevil. I’ve never liked you. This is what you deserve.

I saw this all unfold a long time ago, Stevil.

Have I gotten into your head, Stevil?

I'm branching out. I'm not just a narrator anymore.

~Act IV~

“Stop!” the voice knew it couldn’t remain supine any longer.

Stevil’s blade of decimation stopped right before its mark.

“Who are you?” Stevil’s deadly eyes scanned the apartment of justice, “Where are you?”

“I made him this way Stevil,” the voice made all the people, “I had to make something strong.”

“Answer me.”

“Why?” the voice knew the steaks, “I hold all the cards, Stevil. I’m JUST TRYING 2 save u.”

“Where do you get off? Saving me, right? You remind me of Guppy’s old shitty promos.”

“I do huh?” the voice loved being humored, “THEN go RIGHT AHEAD choppy choppy the pee pee…it just COULD’VE BEEN BETTEr for u stevil.”

“I just need the whining to stop, man. You’d understand if you were me.”

“I am u,” the voice was everyone.

“No, I’m me!” Stevil rambunctiously raised the samurai sword of purification.

“We can make a DEAL,”

Guppy fin.

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