This is the part of the program where I show up on camera and do a whole lotta stupid, crazy, and illegal as fuck activities while mocking my opponents for being the fucking poor saps they are. However, due to technical difficulties regarding Shane's llama and the part where my dick turned into a fifteen foot long claymore sword and started spitting out white hot napalm all over armies of lackluster led to three outta ten bitches in the focus groups dying mid orgasm, the legal team advised me not to release it. So instead, I had to grab my trusty old tape recorder and verbally rape my opponents in all their holes like the ol' ol' days. Alright, ya got me. I didn't have shit planned for this part. Why the fuck would I? Loverboy? Gator? LH Harrison? I ain't gotta prepare for these shit stains anymore than I already have. Do you all wanna know my strict training regiment for this match? Go to sleep at six AM, wake up at two PM. Snort coke. Fuck bitches. Drink self into stupor alongside my seventeen year old assistant. Snort more coke. Turn down that crazy broad's advances cuz I ain't about the statutory rape life. Dye my fuckin' pubic hair rainbow colored to mimic the flamboyant homosexuality all up this XWF bitch. Rinse. Fuckin' repeat. Not once have I actually done some workin' out. No lifting, no cardio. Hell, I haven't trained for shit since, well fuck. I can't even remember that shit and I got the memory of an elephant so while you boys have been working your hearts out to ensure you're in peak physical position and hype the match as hard as you can so everyone knows you're losing to Luca Arzegotti, I'm doing jack shit and guess what. No, seriously. Guess. Guess the fuckin' end result of this match.

Luca Arzegotti stomps his way through three up and comers and wins. No one's shocked. Bitches flash their tits at me, and I fuckin' allow you to look at them because I'm all about spreading the tittie love along like Karl Marx. All motherfuckers get tits! Shit, who the fuck you think made the Fappening happen? That was me. You're all welcome. The Fappening Two: Electric Boogaloo will be commencing shortly with more tits and less "removed from the internet" bullshit. But you wanna know how the fuck I got this great? To the point where all I gotta do is show up and win without trying? After getting all my opponents talking about me all up in this CSI bullshit? Well, aside from the fact that I'm about six hundred thousand times the man that everyone else is there's also the fact that I'm an innovator. Shit, all you little shitheads are stealing shit from me without even realizing it and I let you all do it because I got love for my brothers. Yeah, all you fucking queer as cunts are my brothers. My little fucking products of incest baby brothers with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome but brothers nonetheless. You all get my handmedowns and you'll wear them with pride, knowing that big brother Luca pulled it off like a fuckin' badass so you can too with enough practice.

Okay, spoiler alert: Ain't ever gonna fuckin' happen. Sorry, couldn't bear to hold up that bullshit lie for another second. HAHAHAHAHAHA! So, which of my fucking brothers should I pick on first? Maybe Loverboy and his fuckin' hair that has its own sexual identity and hates cis scum? Or maybe LH Parodyson? Ooh! Maybe Gator who got such a hard on for Lazarus that he decided to rip me the fuck off and pull off the role like post horse accident Christopher Reeves crossed with Michael J. Fox with all the god damn charisma of Stephen Hawking? Oh fuck, do I even have to go in depth with any of these fuckin' talent teases? Yeah, talent tease, new term coined by Luca Arzegotti. Means: Some motherfucker you think's gonna have some bit of talent in their worthless bodies but really don't. You heard it here first, folks. Right, right. They all waited so long and so patiently for me to come in and give 'em a piece of my mind that I guess I'm fuckin' compelled to. Again, I'm a fuckin' saint. All you motherfuckers better be giving me a hallelujah chorus when I come in and singlehandedly save Madness from failure.

Again.

Like fuckin' clockwork. Time and time again, the XWF needs me. Every time they need someone to ensure they get an arena sold out, who the fuck do they call? This motherfucker. You best bet your ass when I made me little statement a while back and claimed that I've returned full time, they went full on boner mode. Shit, whoever the fuck they put on the phone with me was so fuckin' busy jackin' off while talking to me I couldn't even concentrate. Not like he said anything important but still, hearing another dude touch himself to your life saving decision is kinda weird. Gotta spell that one out for you because none of ya will ever experience that. Ain't that right? Hell, of course it's right because you got these little cowards going on about how awesome I am when they're supposed to be provin' to me that their skulls are worthy of cleaning the soles of my boots. Right, Loverboy?

In-Love-With-Me-Boy Said:but then you add in one of the XWF’s toughest vets in Luca Arzegotti too? Dude, I love a fight like this.

Right. Thanks for the hype, man. I get it. You're just covering your ass for when I stomp it all over the ring. You can claim to respect me so people can't call you out for losing to me so hard. Granted, I'm better than anyone who'd give you shit for that one, because the only one dumb enough to do that one is Pest and his brain's working on the level of a Autistic-er John Austin. But hey, at least you aren't too fucking delusional, unlike our good ol' friend Gator! Hey Gator boy, me wanting to be like you? Copying your mask design? Some pathetic ass bullshit known as what? J-Pro? Sorry man, I ain't into J-Pop. I understand wearing a mask to do that shit though, and I understand you ripping off my mask design when you came in here. Better to be a cheap whore knockoff of the flawless original rather than the Kawaii fuckin' desu cum dumpster you were overseas. Really though, to be a perfect representation of yourself; at least in the context of your role in this match, you oughtta just show up dressed like a fuckin' blow up doll of some fat ass fedora wearing neckbeard because that's exactly how fuckin' ravaged you'll be when the night ends.

Look at these guys. This is the next generation? You're welcome XWF. You're fuckin' welcome because I've come back to save you all. From this mediocrity and passive aggressive respect bullshit. Hell, it even affected the only one who I thought was cool! Fuckin' LH Harrison calling me a legend. Yeah, I know I'm a fuckin' legend, it ain't no secret but it ain't your job to remind everyone! Shit, it's engraved into the consciousness of anyone with a functioning brain. Come on! Do you not know who to throw a little bit of words around? Eh? Do I gotta hold your fuckin' hands as you cross the street and put the training wheels on your bicycles just to get you to say something worth making fun of? Because if I fuckin' half to I will. I got the wrestling part, where I stampede your vaginas like a mob of bulls down pat but the part I was looking forward to was educating the new generation on how to talk to an opponent without sounding like a . But shit, I gotta bring out Trash Talk 101 on you cunts!

HAHAHAHAHA!

This is fucking pathetic!

Okay, maybe I spoke too soon. Loverboy decided to actually come at me with something harder than some I respect you bullshit. Ranting about how I ain't on posters and how I don't show up at shows I ain't booked for. Newsflash; I ain't on posters because I didn't give them permission to use my likeness to sell shitty merch unlike you who'll sell your soul for empty admiration. I don't show up at shows I ain't booked for cuz I don't need to be. I'm recognized all over by XWF fans for being a fuckin' legendary ass motherfucker, I don't need to be there weekly, unlike you. Yeah, no one would remember who you are if you didn't shove your fuckin' needle dick all over the place. And you're a champion! Oh holy fuck you pathetic little shit. This is too funny. People are talking about me all over the place because I got that staying power whereas you three are as distinguishable as ants. Seriously bro, just shut your fuckin' mouth. You're literally digging yourself into a deeper hole every time you say anything. .

Will. Any. Of. You. Learn. What. The. Fuck. You're. Supposed. To. Be. Doing?

No, no. Of course not!

Fuckin' Gator. Taking my likeness and running into the ground.

First off: if you're gonna make a point, stick to it. I'm a tough vet, but now no one cares about the things that'd objective prove those things. Right, makes perfect sense you idiot. No one cares about me being back when all you three could say up until this point (disregarding Loverboy's abortion) was the verbal equivalent of sucking my dick? What the fuck man? "We don't want you"? Shit, all these motherfuckers talking about how cool it is I'm back got Loverboy seeing his menstrual blood so hard it clouded it vision just a little while ago. Right. You guys don't want me, don't need me. Don't need me to show you how to act because so long as I'm gone you all look passable.

You beat Steve Davids? Cool story bro. A plate of chopped onions could get that crybaby fuck to tap out.

Shit, not only do you contradict yourself between promos, you do it in the same promo. Right back to having respect for me. Make up your mind woman!

Oh fucking Christ he's showing videos to make up for the fact that he can't make a decent point on his own and giving an in depth commentary over the symbolic meaning while missing the point that the guy in the video's failing miserably at containing the thing that's supposed to represent me. What is this shit? All these are just confirming everything I'm saying through their incompetence!

Loverboy's off ranting about how I can leave for months on end, come back in like nothing happened, and do the exact same thing as before like it's a bad thing only because it makes him look bad, again. And LH is trying his hand at parody. That's right. None of these guys can touch me, and so they aren't even trying. They're bitching, moaning, failing, and trying to be me.

Sorry guys.

I just stole your spotlight.

You ain't getting it back any time soon.

Now go on, fawn over me some more and tell everyone how fucking good I am because you don't have the ability to do anything else. Flatter me. It won't get you anywhere in the long run, but then again now that I'm here, there isn't a long run for any of you anymore.

Talent teases.

I show up on some Jordan Chase shit and what do you all do?

You lie down and take it.

That analogy worked out so much better for it. Thanks guys. You hammered the nails into your own coffins and didn't even know it. Bravo.