I’ve been receiving emails asking me if people are on my list. And I feel the need to address these claims all at the same time. Yes, you’re on my list. There’s an old adage, those with nothing to fear have nothing to hide. Well, apply it to this. Those who have no reason to ask are the people with no reason to ask. Those that cower in the night, looking at my picture, worrying if I will be calling your name next, they have a reason to worry. Because you’re all worthless and must be removed as if you were cancer in a breast. Mr. Idenhaus deems himself the Federation’s top doctor, delivering rich Medical Advice to faggoty vampires in the night, but he will fall when it comes to me. I’m the Oncologist here, the top doctor.

I can hear your cries now. “But Mr. WGI’m a good earner. I fill the seats! I deliver the goods. People pay for me. I have T-Shirts!” Shut up, Mastermind. You’re not a top earner. No one wants you, or your shitty T-Shirts. You fools have fed too long on the kind breast of Shane, and soon he shall fall from his power, and a new era of this Federation will begin. One without this Federation in the world of Wrestling. This Federation has struggled to survive for too long, feeding on the lowest forms of human kind possible. From queers masquerading as Vampires, Aliens, and Sirens, to people rambling about being serial killers, ancient jews, drug dealers, or gun runners. It’s nice to see that the money Shane allots for you simpletons to do PR work is being wasted on playing pretend. Then you have someone running around in a Chicken Mask claiming to be a scientist from another dimension, or some shit. It’s a disgrace. Call me Scooby Doo, because I will eviscerate any confusion on what you children really are.

And then we fill the roster with people like Eli James, Peter Gilmour, Frodo Smackins, and Peter Gilmour. Wait, one of those is not like the other. Oh yeah, Eli James wins. Eli James takes the gold to just throw it away, the way it’s meant to be treated. I like Eli James. But Peter and Frodo, they’re the kind of lower mid-level talent that gain these over inflated egos and brandish stories about cloning people, doing drugs with celebrities, and make empty threats. People like you two are the reason this federation is dying. Luckily we have a reprieve from him and his level of uselessness for a while. But what of Peter? The cowardly lion that he is. Well, that’s simple. I’m the answer. I remove the waste like Peter. And I will remove Frodo when he returns. It really is no contest, not at all. But Peter is not the only one on my list.

No, I’m to remove a large portion of this company, and end the life of Shane . Because he is the one who began this downfall, and he continues to force the Federation to the point of my needing, not wanting, needing to return. This is what happens when you let someone like Peter run this federation. Make no mistake, Shane is slightly above Peter Gilmour. I should perhaps set some qualifications for that statement. On the ladder of success, Shane is half a rung above Peter, and Peter is on the floor. Reaching up as high as he can, and managing to grab Shane’s knee. That’s how low Shane is. And I’m near the top, holding tightly while kicking others down. Actually, that’s not entirely correct. I’m all over the ladder knocking people down. I have a seat assigned near the top, but I drop down to destroy the trash, on occasion.

So, Peter, have you figured out who I am yet? Because right now you’re just throwing around the name Chris Page as if it’s going to prevent me from destroying you. It will not. The only way to stop me is for you to up and leave the Federation now. Be smart, like McBride. You see, I’m going to face him in a match with the same rules I set forth for you, and he will be leaving soon. Imagine that, Peter. I’m going to force someone who beat you to leave the Federation. Peter, can you taste it? The taste of blood, tears, and failure that I will gift you with after I take your title from you, and just give it to whoever asks me first.

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Pest, as he is to be called now, is shopping in Walmart, Dildo Crown and all. He is walking through the School supply aisle, as he needs more tape for his Dildo Crown. He has his shopping cart filled with tape, and white out. He passes by a teenage girl who’s shopping with her father. The girl looks to be about 16, and catches Pest’s eyes. He abandons his cart to follow her for a minute. He notices her jeans, Hollister just makes him want to holla. And her Prada Candy perfume is driving him wild. He just has to have a bite.

Mr. WGWF: Excuse me, sir. How much for the girl. I’d like to purchase her.

father What? My daughter is not for sale.

The Father and daughter turn around to look at the taped face of Pest, with his crown of Dildos. She steps back, and her father steps forward to get into Pest’s face. Pest does not back down, he just reaches into his pocket and pulls out a wad of money.
Mr. WGWF: You misunderstand, sir. I don’t want to purchase her for life. Just for 30 minutes in the bathroom. I’ve just got this swelling in my genitals, and I need a professional to look at it. I think it might be because of your daughter. Have you looked at her ass lately? It’s perfectly extraordinary. What does her mother look like? Does she have the same Apple Ass that your daughter has?


The father shoved Pest to the ground and began to walk away.

Mr. WGWF: Hey! You can’t do that. I’m important. And I want to leave my babies on your daughter’s tits. Come on! Don’t be like that.

The father came running back and began to kick Pest in the ribs.

father: She is 15, and you are beyond disgusting. Who goes to Walmart with dildos taped their head?! Be glad I don’t call the cops. You mother fucker.

Mr. WGWF: Daughter fucker. *cough* I’m Pest, nice to meet you. Can I call you dad? Or is it too early?

The father grabs Pest by the head and begins to punch him repeatedly. Pest just reached to his crown and pulled one of the dildos off. He smacked the father with it, knocking him to the ground. Pest gets on top of him and begins to dangle the dildo in his face.

Mr. WGWF: I asked nicely. Why do you want to hurt me?

He slaps the father with the dildo one last time before standing up and walking towards the girl. Still holding the dildo he walks right up to her. She looks disgusted at him, but it goes over board when he unbuttons her pants and drops the dildo in her jeans. She goes back to the slap him, but he catches her hand, and moves it to his cock, before taking his other hand and slapping her on the tits. He lets go of her hand before reaching into his pocket and removing a business card, which he drops down the front of her tshirt. She slaps him quickly across the face, but he turns back towards his cart and walks away.