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LH Harrison · (08-08-2014)

‘Daddddd! Grace stowl my Barbie and won’t giff it backkk!’

LH Harrison’s youngest daughter is wrapped around his leg as she cries into his leg. LH lifts her off his leg and sets her on his hip. LH and his wife, Jessica, are fixing spaghetti for the lunch with ‘Loverboy’ Vinnie Lane. On the stovetop there are two pots with one holding noodles that are boiling in water and the other has spaghetti sauce with some hamburger meat in it. Jessica is stirring the pot of sauce. She’s wearing a pink t-shirt, low-cut and jeans. LH walks up to her, thinks about kissing her, but feels guilty about the stripper club and thinks twice about it. He rocks his crying three year old daughter.

LH: There, there Eva. Now let’s go see about that Barbie doll.

LH carries his daughter into the girls’ bedroom where Grace, his five year old daughter, is brushing the hair of Eva’s Barbie doll. LH sets down Eva and picks up Grace in one swoop. He tickles his daughter until she drops the Barbie in which Eva grabs hurriedly. Grace crosses her arms and in the angriest but adorable voice says…

Grace: Daddy that’s not fayur.

LH laughs to himself.

LH: No sweetheart it isn’t, but is it fair for you to steal your sister’s Barbie doll when you have plenty of dolls of your own?

Grace: No, Daddy…

LH hugs his daughter close when he suddenly hears the doorbell. He sets down Grace.

LH: Girls, we are going to be joined at lunch today by a funny but very weird gentleman today. Whatever Mr. Lane says at dinner just ignore him, and be on your best behavior at dinner. Okay girls?

The girls nod and he hugs them both tight again. LH walks to his front door and looks through the window in the door. He sees Loverboy standing outside winking at LH. LH takes a step back, looks down, and smirks to himself thinking about some of the craziness that’s already happened in the last few days. LH opens the door and steps outside to meet Vinnie.

Loverboy: Hey LH, you fucker, you!

LH closes the door behind him quickly. He looks at Vinnie incredulously.

LH: Okay Vinnie, let’s set some ground rules down. I understand you don’t respect the sanctities of the church, but this is my house. And you’re going to be around my wife and two young daughters who, at this age, are like sponges. They pick up anything and everything they hear around them. Now, rule number one: no cursing.

Loverboy: What? Really? You think I can’t go a fu-… damn. Oh shit. I mean… Okay. I see your point now. I’ll be on my best behavior and won’t say one little swear. I freaking promise.

LH: Okay, but don’t say that either. It’s too close to the F-word.

Loverboy: The F-word? Seriously, LH? You’re in the company of me. You can say ‘fuck.’

LH gives him a look and continues.

LH: Number two: No references to sex, the strip club, women in a derogatory fashion, or alcohol.

Loverboy thinks for a minute.

Loverboy: I guess we’re going to be talking about wrestling and music, then?

LH: Anything else is fine Vinnie, just not those topics. Alright. Thank you for coming Vinnie.

Loverboy: Of course, man! But don’t think you’re getting off the hook from coming to hang out with the boys and me.

LH looks worried at first, but thinks about how much fun he had the night before and doesn’t utter a word of disapproval. LH turns around and opens the door, holding it open for Loverboy to enter. Loverboy takes a step into the house and does the ACDC walk into the dining room.

Loverboy: Hellooooo Harrison family!

Jessica hears the loud commotion and comes out of the kitchen and into the dining room.

Jessica: Oh hello, Mr. Lane. How are you?

Loverboy growls softly and kisses the hand of Mrs. Harrison before turning back to LH.

Loverboy: LH, you told me you had a foxy mama for a wife, but she looks even better in the flesh than I imagined. After all, it is you.

Loverboy nudges LH in the ribs and Jessica turns a slight shade of red and laughs to herself.

Jessica: Well isn’t he the smooth-talker. I guess I should’ve known seeing all of the scantily clad women in his music video on the X-Tron.

Loverboy: Oh you saw my video did you? LH, how many times has your wife watched my music video while you weren’t here?

Loverboy laughs and LH actually laughs along with him.

LH: Very funny, now sit right here Vinnie and we’ll bring the food out. GIRLS, dinner’s ready!

Loverboy takes a seat where he was indicated. The two girls come running into the room until they see the man out of time. They slow down and walk around the table to the other side with both of the girls looking at him as if he had a second head.

Loverboy: Well hello girls. What are your names?

Grace: My name is Grace and I’m the oldest. This is my sister and her name is Eva.

Eva is shy and looks down at the table.

Loverboy: Oh c’mon girl, I don’t bite. Well-…

Loverboy cuts himself off. LH comes in with a large bowl filled with spaghetti and sets it in the center of the table. LH takes a seat at one end of the table beside Loverboy and Jessica sits at the other end.

LH: Alright girls, would you do the blessing?

The two girls, Jessica, and LH lower their heads and close their eyes. Loverboy realizing what is going on, lowers his head and closes his eyes. Except for the few seconds he opened an eye to look around. Once the blessing is over, LH takes the bowl and pours some spaghetti on his and the girls plate. He hands the bowl to Loverboy who pours some pasta onto his plate and passes it to Jessica with a wink who shakes her head at him and looks at LH lovingly.

LH: Oh Vinnie, can I get you something to drink?

Loverboy: Umm… (he indicates an alcoholic beverage)

LH: Actually Vinnie, we don’t have anything like that. How about a Coke?

Loverboy thinks for a minute, laughs to himself, and says sure. LH walks to the kitchen, grabs a can of coke and pours it into a glass with some ice from the freezer. He hands the glass to Loverboy who thanks him before taking a flask out his side pocket. LH gives him a stern look.

Loverboy: Oh I’m sorry girls. This is my medicine I’m supposed to take with my meals.

Loverboy pours a little into his drink, swirls it up, takes a drink, and exhales deeply. Jessica looks a little concerned, but LH waves it off.

Loverboy: Soo LH. You think you’re ready for the match this Monday?

LH: Of course! I’m always ready to step into the ring and… (he raises his fist in the air) INSPIRE! (the girls giggle) But in all seriousness, I’m ready to step into the ring with a partner that actually knows what they’re doing in there. Plus we’re teaming up against two agents of the underworld, and, being an advocate of the Lord, I do not fear the vampire/murderer Cain nor do I fear the simple-minded self-professed ‘Mastermind.’ Oh and then we have that Shelby Cobra lady. Which I have no idea what her problem is. Plus the dancing fool, Fannnndannnngggooooo!

LH stands up and dances goofily spurring laughter from his daughters. LH sits back down and finishes his spaghetti.

LH: What about you, Loverboy? Are you ready to confront that big puddy cat, Cain?

Loverboy: Of course, why do you keep asking me about that? I mean sure he’s committed an unlimited amount of murder and he has some sort of mind control abilities that stop you from moving altogether but… wait is that even fair? Couldn’t he just stop us from moving and pin us to the mat?

LH: I think he has to not use them in the match… maybe.

Jessica picks up the girls dishes and takes them to the kitchen. She comes back and picks up hers and Loverboy’s. Finally she comes back and picks up LH’s plate. He swats her on the butt when she leans over.

LH: Thank you sweetheart.

She flinches at the contact and looks at him incredulously, but he kisses her on the cheek. She smiles slightly and turns red as she takes the plate to the kitchen. The kids run out of the room and back to their bedroom. Loverboy leans over to LH.

Loverboy: Ahhh. Did you convince your wife to try some of those stripper moves?

LH laughs and slaps Loverboy on the back.

LH: No, no. Not yet anyways.

LH winks and stands up to lead Loverboy out of the house. He closes the door behind him.

LH: Thanks again for coming by and thanks for being on your best behavior.

Loverboy: Oh thank fucking God. I wasn’t sure how much more I could withstand being Mr. PG.

LH: Well it’s nice to see a different side of you anyways. Well what did you have in mind for our next team meeting?

Loverboy: Well I’ve got this nice little shithole I’ve found. I think you’ll like it. Especially if you liked Cherry Pie so much.

Loverboy slaps him on the arm and laughs. Suddenly a van pulls up and Donny jumps out.

Donny: What’s up bible thumper!? Coming to hang out later?

LH: You know it!

Donny: Fuck yeah!

Loverboy slugs him on the arm and takes off with Donny in the van. LH shakes his head and smiles. Suddenly the Rock-N-Roll Wrestler is growing on him.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode 'Best of Both Worlds' (Part Three)
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