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LH Harrison · (08-03-2014)

The scene opens with LH Harrison flipping through the XWF bulletins on his phone when suddenly he sees the event that transpired inside the church involving ‘Loverboy’ Vinnie Lane. LH Harrison reads through the story in disgust and shakes his head at what transpired. LH Harrison takes a seat on his couch at his house and ponders for a moment. He props his feet up on the ottoman. He leans back with his fingers interlocked on his abdomen. He looks into the camera with a sense of hollowness in his eyes.

LH Harrison: I knew you had decided to go to a church in order to… do research on me, but you could’ve done just as much research opening up a Bible. What you did instead of going to the church to do research was reprehensible. You desecrated a sacred temple with the filth that spewed from your mouth. But… your actions gave me an interesting idea. Since you decided to come into my place of worship to try and decipher my message, I’ve decided to do the same. So Monday night I went to the place in which I’m sure you feel the most confident: the stage.

Fast-forward to Monday Night in Dallas, Texas. LH Harrison looked online on Cassanova’s Facebook page to discover the location. The show takes place in a dingy bar called ‘The Whispering Eye’ at 7PM.

LH Harrison is shown standing outside ‘The Whispering Eye.’ He looks around, unsure if this is the right place. He walks in and sees around thirty people standing around in the small bar. There’s one bar alongside the left wall of the room with one large, rotund man standing behind the bar wearing glasses and a shirt a size too small. In the center of the room, there’s a small stage barely twenty feet across. As soon as he walks in, his feet start sticking to the floor. LH raises a foot and looks at his shoe with disgust. LH Harrison walks over to the bar.

LH: How are you doing tonight, sir?

Bartender: What do you want?

LH: (caught off-guard) Uh… what do you mean?

Bartender: What do you want to drink, man? This is a bar ain’t it?

LH: You’re quite right sir, but I actually don’t drink. Do you know if a band called Cassanova is playing tonight?

Bartender: Cassa-who?

LH: Cassanova.

Bartender: Neva heard of ‘em. There’s two bands playing tonight: a Poison imitation band called Venom and the opening act.

LH: Well who’s the opening act?

The bartender looks behind him at a dry-erase board. He turns back to LH.

Bartender: Actually the opening band’s name is Cassablanca.

LH: Cassablanca? Really? I could’ve swore the website said…

Suddenly two 50+ year old women enter the bar wearing Cassanova shirts (misspelled Casanava) stormed into the bar. They ran directly up to the stage and starting screaming Loverboy! Loverboy! Loverboy! LH shrugged and walked up behind the ladies as the rest of the people started gathering around. The time turns to 7:00, the lights in the audience dim, the stage lights go up, except for one that burns up as soon as it turns on. A short plump man dressed in a mismatching suit, an unkept beard, and an obvious toupee comes out onto the stage.

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen! Please put your hands together for CASSSSAAAAAAAAAABLANCAAAAAAAAA!

The ladies in the audience scream ‘IT’S CASANOVAAAAA!’ The announcer shrugs and walks off stage.

A few minutes pass and nothing happens. The crowd seems confused. LH Harrison stands back and watches. Another fifteen minutes pass. LH Harrison looks to the ladies in front of him.

LH: Excuse me ma’am. Do these concerts usually take this long to start?

Lady: No! It’s weird. But who are you Mr. Muscles?

The lady squeezes arm. The other lady circles around him.

Other Lady: I like my man with a nice set of glutes.

She squeezes LH’s ass causing him to jump a little bit.

LH: Whoaa whoaa whoaa ladies! I’m a married man!

Ladies: So are we!

They raise their hands and smile revealing about 15 teeth in both of their mouths combined.

Suddenly the announcer comes out onto the stage.

Announcer: I am here to regretfully inform you that our opening band Cassabl-Cassanova will be unable to perform tonight so we’ll move right on into VENOMMMMM!

The band erupts onto the stage singing ‘Talk Dirty to Me.’

The women in front of him erupt in anger and seek out the announcer who came down the side of the stage. They are demanding to know why Cassanova didn’t play.

Announcer: I’m sorry ladies! But the lead singer and drummer were passed out 30 minutes ago on a bender and neither of them have woken up yet! We tried several times to wake them, but the singer just rolled over and mentioned something about a nun. I’m sorry ladies.

The ladies begin to weep.

LH Harrison backs away and heads out of the club. He puts his hands in his pockets and walks around the corner.

LH Harrison shakes his head as he finds his car in the lot. He opens the door to his Ford Ranger and sits down shutting the door. He sighs. The camera view is from the passenger seat. LH looks ahead through the window.

LH: Well I can’t say I’m surprised. If the ‘Loverboy’ can’t be bothered to flush his own fecal matter then why would he be bothered to show up, ready to perform, to a gig? No wonder his Facebook page had about 40 likes and most of them last named Jones. I just hope that Loverboy decides to show on Tuesday night because I don’t accept forfeits. As a symbol of inspiration, I’m not in this for solely the wins. I’m in this business to accrue wins in the most honorable and fair way. I don’t take countouts. I don’t take forfeits. (turns to his right and looks into the camera) ‘Loverboy’ you had better be there on Tuesday night, and you had better be ready to go. Same goes for you, Socrates. I know I haven’t dedicated too much time to you, but a trip to Greece costs quite a bit more than a ride down to Dallas. That being said, Mr. Bobby Zi and I are going to take down the Bedroom Antics and get the 1-2-3. Thus beginning the momentum of LH Harrison, and thus beginning the Era of Inspiration. See you boys on Tuesday and prepare to be… INSPIRED.

The camera fades to black as LH starts up the truck.

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