The War Machine's Thoughts

Hello? You're all hearing this, I presume. So this past Monday I won the match in the first round of the Trios Title Tournament. Let it be known that Cain got the pin and this is why Ozymandias had grantedme my shot at that coward SteveDavids. Lovely; now I have the opportunity at the Television Title. Well deserved. Say what you will, but I know it to be true. You see, there are peoplewatching me. This isn't paranoia. No, the agents have been ringing my Iphone out of my pocket. Once again, well deserved.

The people want a destroyer and I am to give them what they want. Tenfold.

---

He sat there at his desk, Iphone 5s glued to his ear. Cain Arkham made an impact last monday, and people saw that. The right people, that is. Sports agents. Sponsors. Managers of fast food franchises.

"Soooo...you want to name a burger after me?"

"Not only that, we want to namea whole combo after you! Your merchandise is selling like hot cakes, baby! You're a war machine and..."

Cain smirked. "...you want to capitalize on that success? Understable."

"Aren't you excited? We even want to put a limited edition action figure of you in our Kids' meals! You're hot, baby!"

"Of course I am, human. It's nice to be finally gettimg the recognition that I deserve."

Did he feel deserving? Yes. After all, his performance on Madness was nothing short of incredible. Like a bad ass War Machine, he'd taken out not one man. Not two. But three. The large man lit a cigar and puffed on it as he listened to the offer.

"So here's what we're thinkin'. Listen really close, because this is what our top execs came up with for a name. How does..." dramatic pause. "...the McCainanator Combo sound?"

"That sounds..."a sneer cross the lips of the former Superstar of the month. "...fucking stupid."

"Okay champ, sorry. How about a burger with bacon on it. We'll call it the Arkham Applewood Smoked Bacon Cheese Burger."

"Oh my fucking god, no. Are you smoking crack at McDonalds?"

"Excuse me?"

Cain ennunciated and spoke slowly. "Are......you......smoking.....crack?"

"Cocaine?"

"Yes. Cocaine. Rock. Crack."

"Well...maybe...I think Julio is. But sir, we are just the Home Office."

"Homo?"

"Gay?"

Cain then bursted out laughing. "Ronald McDonald takes it in the ass from Grimace. I knew it! Or is it the Butt-burgular?"

Quote:JBL Said:

Look what's trending world wide on Twitter! #BUTTBURGULAR!

Cain leaned back in his chair, kicking his large black leather boots up onto the desk. The voice on the other end of the line became quite infuriated.

"And just what the HELL do you have against gay people?"

"Nothing at all..." His face became very serious, as if the person on the other end could see him. "...just as long as they keep their dicks away from my shit shooter and their gay germs to themselves."

"(GASP)"

(Click)

Cain narrowed those big brown eyes of his and looked at his phone in confusion.

"Hello? Hello? Fuckin' Walmart Family Mobile Plan. So much cheaper than Verizon but the bastards dropped my call!"

Our favorite War Machine sat there, swiping his finger across his phone. His current state of mind? Who the fuck needed McDonald's anyway. The War Machine stood and moved over to his cooler, a small fridge sitting in the corner of his office. Paying attention to the young asian girl POV bj on his phone with a great big grin, fangs gleaming, he opened the fridge. Snakes poured out of the cooler, but he grabbed a Budweiser, oblivious to the obvious. He closed the fridge and popped the top, taking a huge swig.

"Ahhhh..." He let out a satisfactory sigh. "...that's fucking awesome. BUDWEISER. King of beers!"

"Cainie, are my Pina Colladas still in there?"

He saw Miako there and quickly closed out his porn app. He looked his prize up and down with a devilish grin, taking in her ASSets. She snapped her fingers.

"HEY HEY! Eyes up here, Mister! Are my pina coladas still in there?"

He shrugged. "Ummm...not sure. I was checking out the Email from Toys 'R' Us about...you know...my action figure."he grinned. "Why don't you look for yourself?"

"Well, MAYBE I would but you won't move!"

He stepped aside, grumbling as he moved over to the desk.

Now Miako had a huge fear of snakes. Such was her fear of snakes that she once pissed herself at the zoo and Cain had to take her home. The sponge bath may or may not have been unneccessary. Furthermore he showed her HIS snake. And she su-...nevermind. When MIAKO opened the fridge though, it was normal. No snakes. She got her drink and walked over, sitting on Cain's lap. "So, are you mad at Morby for Monday?"

He sneered. "He can suck my dick for all I care. I am focused on Davids."

"That's good...(sip)...but you know, his security officer thought you were cool. Maybe you should ask...(sip)...him for help. Heyman has his alliance, you know. Frodo owes you one."

"Fuck Frodo." said The War Machine, as he sipped on his beer. Suddenly, he winced. "UGH. This stuff tastes awful now!"

"Ummm...Cainie.."She pointed at the bottle, and tried to remain calm. The liquid in the bottle had turned into a thick red liquid, with the taste of iron. "...you're drinking blood, I think..."

"Hmm...well..." he took a big swig, non chalantly. "Bloodweiser!"

Quote:JBL Said:

The XWF Universe are gonna be tweeting that all night! #Bloodweiser!

"Must be a special promotion."

"Yeah....ummm...but what about that rustling I heard in the bushes earlier?"

Cain frowned. "Right...I completely forgot about that." he shrugged. "It's probably nothing to worry about. Perhaps one of the slave children broke free. Little dirty bastards..."

"Maybe you should feed them..."

"Eh, fuck em'. Lazy little fuckers."

"They don't have rany energy if they don't eat..."

"Let them eat cake!"

"Oh my god..." she facepalmed. "...they'll just get a sugar rush and crash then, Cain. Exactly what are you thinking?"

"Well..."

Little did Cain and Miako know, but they were being watched. A mystery stalker watched them as they conversed. Miako laughed at a few things Cain said, but the eyes that watched them through the large ground floor window had nothing but seriousness in them. Who were these mysterious stalkers? And who would offer to sponsor Cain next? Would he offend them too?

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