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DOCA_HVP2014 · (07-27-2014)

^DOCA HVP's current theme

"On screen" ----The voice of The Troll is followed by the sight of nothingness.

"On screen"

Still nothing.

"On screen"

It seems that The Troll's words right now carry about as much weight as the words Gator and Socrates have been tossing around.

"On screen"

And just as repetitive as Gator.

"On screen"

Still nothing.

Wait a second.

A flicker, a flash of red and a flash of white, and finally a thousand tiny lines horizontally zig zagging across the screen.

"I said on screen!"

Finally the screen decides that the same thing said six times in a row is enough, so it gives in and responds accordingly.

By flickering again, bringing us a view of the sun, and then fizzling out to a single horizontal line across the screen that slowly fades to nothingness once again.

Mr. Proxy: "I'm just going to go ahead and call this a failed attempt, Troll. Just give up already. We don't need anything to really be on screen right now because all I'm going to do is have playback of some of the amazing things that have been uploaded this week from the people in my match and then I'm going to shoot them down."

The last scene never faded out because it never began, just like Gator and Socrates will never need to be snuffed out since they never garnered any true heat anyway.

The camera flickered like a blinking eye.

The scene was revealed to be something we did not expect nor want.

[Image: holding1_low.jpg]

A man carrying a gator? Is this a prelude of what's to come Wednesday when the XWF's own Gator needs to be carried by Socrates?

"This is stupid! Cut! I said cut!" -the voice of the Troll knew no bounds!

"Why are you acting like some kind of director, Troll?"

"If Gator and Socrates get to act like they're legitimate threats in your match, I get to act like I'm a director!"

"You're

, Troll. Go away and let me play these clips of these doosh hammers burying themselves in Zoey Ryback's vaginal discharge while flapping their tongues and slurping away."

"That's sick as hell! Damn!"

End scene.

3...2...1...and we're on! At the time of the camera picking him up, Mr. Proxy was simply standing in front of a backdrop of the XWF logo and wearing his full gear, as always. His blonde hair was pushed back and his black shades were concealing his eyes.

"I heard this is the week everybody in my match wants to just talk shit at each other and play with words. That sounds like it might be fun. Can I try?

"Except can I do things a little differently? I'm not just going to address my foes this week. Oh no, I'm not. I would like to start out by going in order with every single promo that anybody in my match has allowed to hit the air waves so far. That includes the very first man to speak up this week, and his name is Aaron Reign. I'd like to begin by bringing a piece of commentary to your attention, XWF fans. This was my partner Aaron Reign talking directly to my opponent, Gator. Listen up, mmmk? Thanks. Here we go!"

Mr. Proxy just crossed his arms and cocked his head back a little, knowing exactly what his viewers were about to be exposed to on their end of the transmission.

Aaron Reign Said:((..to Gator..)) Ever since you arrived here in the XWF earlier this month, you've run your mouth and run your mouth some more. And for what? A pinfall victory over enhancement talent in your first match and a loss to a guy whose entire gimmick revolves around smoking pot?

"Oh jesus christ, Aaron....I realize we're partners this week but smoking pot isn't a gimmick. Is snorting cocaine a gimmick too? Is having unprotected sex and getting aids a gimmick? I guess it is if you ask Maria Brinks. But are the gang bangers on corners all playing gimmicks out? Are the drug dealers, the border jumpers, and the daddys who run away and won't pay child support all playing gimmicks? What's that you say? If they're seen doing those things on XWF footage then yes they must be playing gimmicks? So if Brock Lesnar was in front of you right now you'd be calling his former holding of the UFC title a gimmick? If Michael Jordan was in front of you and joined the XWF, would that make him being one of the greatest basketball players of all time just some gimmick, all because he mentioned it on XWF tv? Oh yeah? It would? Ok, just checking. Carry on."

Aaron Reign Said:And finally, Kyle Star. You've done nothing since you got here, and I'm expecting you to stay nothing.

"...actually, he did do this:

Quote:The shot closes in on the X-Tron where a new competitor seems to be introducing himself.

"My name is Kyle Star... And I am your savior... I am the light that will guide you along in life... I am the way of truth... I am your Straight Edge Messiah... After traveling around the indies all these years I've found my way to the XWF... It is time to change the face of this company! It's time for the dawn of STRAIGHT EDGE! Put your hands onto your television screens and feel me flow through every inch of your body! Feel yourself being cleansed from all the toxins you people put into yourself. All the liquor and cigarettes and the drugs you people put in yourself... You people sicken me! If you want to walk down the path of truth, you sure as hell wont be "Following the Buzzards" you will be Following the Classic! It is now the dawn of the Straight Edge Era in the XWF!"

CRACK!

My god! That's a 24/7 briefcase and it's just cracked our newest competitor straight on the back of the head!!

It's Steve Davids! What the fuck is he doing here!? He doesn't even compete on Warfare.

Steve emerges in the shot, holding the Television Championship over one shoulder, and the briefcase in the opposite hand.

"So what? We're supposed to care that there is yet another wrestler here to preach to us about being straight edge? We've had Hunter Payne, we've had CM Punk, where are they now? This man, just like the rest of them will fade into nothingness... Whilst some of us...

Steve looks at the championship on his shoulder, and then down at the briefcase, with a smirk on his face.

"Rise, to greatness."

Steve looks down at Kyle Star simply shaking his head as he walks away.

Why the hell is Steve Davids on Warfare and why has he just attacked Kyle Star in the back?

Kyle grabs his head, but as he looks up at the camera, he is clearly furious.

"Look at that, he's already done more than Socrates. And I'll be honest, Aaron. Kyle did that very well. Did you see how nicely he took that briefcase shot from that other guy who nobody cares about? Yeah I thought so. Let's see Socrates or Gator take a briefcase hit with that much authority and make that weird guy seem like a bad ass for a minute. They'd somehow cock it all up."

Aaron Reign Said:One thing I'm going to promise though...this isn't going to be a circus. I'm not bringing lube and a dildo to the ring. I'm not bringing a gun, or a knife

Mr. Proxy pulled the hair from his head like this guy looks ready to do:

"What kind of circuses do you attend, Aaron? What the hell are you going on about? Lube? A dildo? A gun and a knife? Somebody lied to you when they raped you in a back alley and told you to just relax and enjoy the circus! Hahaha! That was no circus when you felt that train entering your tunnel! Good to know my partner has delusions of sex and violence when he's thinking about things that are supposed to be fun, like going to the circus. Friggin hell, I wonder about some of the people in this XWF. Let's move on to Gator's gems this week."

Gator Said:Todd: "Ermmm... Aaron Reigns."

Gator: "Never heard of him. Is he new?"

T: "Yeah. He cut his first promo not too long ago. He mentioned you quite a lot."

"This isn't starting off well. That idiot Todd is going to have Gator calling Reigns the wrong name this whole week. Todd must watch too much World Wrestling Entertainment; we've got another Roman Reigns mark on our hands.

"It's too bad that's not the only thing Todd is wrong about. Telling poor Gator that it was Aaron's first promo? That's funny, I specifically remember seeing at least one other Aaron Reign's promo through XWF at some point before he got booked in this match. Why is Todd so stupid? Why is Gator even worse?

"When Todd says 'Aaron Reigns' with an 's', how can we be sure Todd is even talking about the Aaron who I'm teamed with? Maybe there really is a guy named Aaron Reigns who really did just deliver his first promo ever? I'd like to meet that guy sometime. Too bad I'm not teamed with him."

Gator Said:Todd: "Okay... Zoey Ryback."

Gator: "She's actually pretty good and hot as hell!"

"Wrong again. I may be willing to hit on just about anything that walks but even I would avoid Zoey. Sure she's my partner and all but she looks like she's about five years old and got destroyed in a paintball gun war and forgot to shower after. None of that matters though because all I need her to do is show up, washed or unwashed, and contribute to our team so I don't need to obliterate her. You listening, Zoey? Are you out there? I've tried contacting you privately and I highly suggest you get back to me or I will assume you're walking into this match the same way Slade walked into my debut match as my partner. The same way Kai Randal walked into my second match as my partner. Both of them winding up DEAD for making me do all the work. Don't let the color of your hair become the color of your entire body Wednesday night, Zoey. Contribute or pay the price. Well, at least Gator here thinks you're pretty good and you're hot. Maybe him believing those fallacies will somehow still help our team at the end of the day, even with you doing absolutely nothing. "

Gator Said:Todd: "... You really are like Deadpool. The whole kinda split personality thing."

Gator: "Deadpool doesn't have split personalities, he just hears voices sometimes. I'm not as handsome as Ryan Reynolds either... I'm a better fucking actor though."

"...Uhhhhhhhmmmmmmm......... I'm going to leave this one alone."

Gator Said:Todd: "So... You gonna trash talk your opponents?"

Gator: "Not yet. Well, maybe. Okay just a little. *Gator clears his throat* "Aaron Reigns, you are a dull, lifeless sack of guts and steroids. When you speak you make me want to kill myself

"Well that's interesting, but it starts to sound less impressive when you match it up with these words that came from the same exact Gator's mouth moments prior:

Gator Said:Reigns you're so boring you gave me a boner! That's how fucking boring you are.

"Sooooooo............ you're telling me that when you watch somebody who is a dull, lifeless sack of guts and steroids, you find yourself sexually aroused. Ok. I think I'm starting to also understand how you find Zoey attractive. Whoa."

Gator Said:DOCAHVPffpt ... You're just some guy who wants to make a quick buck. I can understand that but that does not make you a wrestler, a real wrestler.

"No, that alone wouldn't make me a wrestler. It would make me a hitman. .....But what about having a current standing record of two wins and zero losses? And what about the fact that both of my wins so far have come from handicapped odds which forced me to fight like I was two men instead of one? Do those things make me anything resembling a wrestler in your eyes, since you know, those things did happen in a wrestling ring? I credit you for doing your homework on your opponents but not every person who does homework gets an A or even a B or a C. If we were in school right now you'd be that kid who turns in a scribbled on, half ripped piece of garbage to the teacher. Sure, that's better than the kid who turns nothing in but, but, but, wait a minute. No, it's not better. I'd actually rather be the guy who didn't even take time doing my homework than to be the guy who basically turned in a wet tampon instead of a worksheet. You're right, bud, I'm no wrestler. What was I thinking? A+ for you. Sarcasm is fun when dealing with idiotic reptilians."

Gator Said:Listen up Proxy, you are a fucking snake in this business, but I'm a fucking gator! We grab you by the throat and never let go, we drag you back under the water which we sprang from and let you drown as we rip and tear your flesh. A snake is nothing to a Gator!

"Is that so? I noticed you didn't include the age of the animal in that comparison but I'll go ahead and add that in. From the sound of your girly voice and the way you contradict yourself at every turn, it sounds to me like you're one of those tiny gators that are just so adorable and cute when you hold them in your hand. Now what about me? What kind of snake am I? The man who marches into handicap situations at massive disadvantages, still wins his matches, and goes on to successfully perform additional paid hits outside of his matches? I'm going to take that as me being a very large and successful predator. I might have slithered along too late to eat you while you were in your egg, but I'm still big enough to swallow you whole and then still go looking for more snacks.

"Snakes 1

"Gators 0

[Image: image.jpg]

"Thank you for that example, G man."

Gator Said:Haha, I love a stupid kid who doesn't know who he's dealing with.

"One word. AGREED.

"Now back to Aaron, since we're looking at these promos in the order they were aired."

Start of Aaron's 2nd promo Said:As usual, the camera flicks on, revealing another ordinary setting.

"Ok, if this is your first match and the starting points of your promos are already referencing a repeated appearance of ordinary settings, you're going to give Gator way too large of a boner for him to even step through the ropes and lose to us Wednesday night. Remember how he gets erections when he's bored? Come on, Aaron. Please stop turning Gator on with your generic settings or lack thereof. Spice it up. Put on a skirt and shoot a trash talk session from the beach or something for God's sake."

Aaron Said:That was decent Gator. You actually caught me off guard, I wasn't expecting to have to respond to anything tonight.

"You're talking about Gator's first promo? The one I just finished commenting on, yes? And you called it decent? It caught you off guard? Yeah it caught me off guard as well, bud, but not for the same reasons as you I'm guessing. Oh, and stop proving your rookie worth by thinking you have to respond as soon as somebody says something about you. I've already won two matches and quickly figured out that it doesn't matter when I talk or who I even talk about; all that matters is me beating ass in that ring. If you're so much of a real wrestler and you're so much better than the little boys who wear red Gator masks, why do you think you have to respond the same night Gator regurgitates all over his own boner while thinking about you and Zoey? I'm glad I'm on this team of else it would be the biggest sinking ship since the Titan. No, not the Titanic; the Titan. Do your homework, kids. Sometimes stories are told in writing before they unfold in the flesh."

Gator Said:Oh, and Gator? My name's not Aaron Reigns. It's Aaron Reign. I don't want to be associated with that SuperCena clone in the WWE.

"Oh wow, Aaron caught that too. I'm glad I wasn't the only one. Nice job, partner! Maybe you should have accused Gator of having the "can't get his opponent's name right" gimmick, though. Wouldn't that have made your come back a little more amusing at least?

"Moving on to Socrates I have to admit I was impressed. Not by his new house and not by his ability to follow guides and assemble gym equipment, but by his ability to recognize his superiors. Behold.

Socrates Said:First, I must strategically, yet also edgily, pinpoint my three opponents. 'The Wrestler' Aaron Reigns, 'I don't even know what this is we've got some king of hitman thing going on here' DOCA_HVP and 'sexy' Zoey Ryback, and yes, you really are sexy. Now this does excite me, a bit.

"Now was that just an accent kicking in or did I hear you just call me king? The king of hitman thing? I like that. It rhymes. I'm stealing it. It's mine now.

"Now anyway, I realize I'm damn good, and I know you're a big fan of my work, but you don't need to address me as your king just yet. Let me at least beat your ass and show you why I'm your superior, yeah? Yeah.

"And no, Zoey's really not sexy. Sorry mate. The king of hitman thing has spoken."

Socrates Said:I'll admit, you scare me a bit. The main problem is in a gun-wielding corporate powerhouse like the USA, you fit in too much. If I saw you back in Athens, I'd be excited. That's why I'm not too worried about facing a videogame character in the squared circle. By the way, big fan of yours.

"Oh, oh man. Oh Socky baby, you really are dropping the ball here and making Gator actually look good somehow. You admit that I scare you a bit, in the same thought in which you say you're not too worried about me because I'm a video game character. I'm sorry but is there something about me that somehow screams video games? Do you think paid hitmen only exist in games? How much Hitman 1, 2, 3 and however many sequels they made to that game did you actually spend time playing before coming to the XWF? Did you know that, in the real world, there are men who accept pay in exchange for dealing out brutality and even death? No? You never knew that? Ok then I guess I understand where the video game reference came from.

"But if I'm wrong about that, I'd love to hear your explanation. I'm sure it's adorable, and hey, I'm a big fan of yours too, pumpkin.

Quote:*Socrates winks into the camera*

Mr. Proxy winked right back and then wiggled his eyebrows like a pimp before he blew a kiss.

Socrates Said:And I'm just going to completely ignore the fact I've got a on my team. This is a 2 on 3 people, a 2 on 3...

"Really? So you are assuming Kyle Star (the partner you don't want) can't out perform you? Can't outshine you? Can't out shit you? I'm willing to bet Kyle can show up when we least expect him and drop a much shittier promo than anything you can come up with and here you are shitting your own pants and acting like you're the only one who can drop a deuce?"

Quote:*Socrates pulls an awkward face as he shits his pants.*

"Yeah, I know. I get it. Here's a sheet, yes one single sheet of toilet paper. Next?"

To be CUNTinued, cunts

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Oh, are we talking shit this week? That sounds fun!
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