^DOCA HVP's current theme




That deep, growling scream like what a death metal band would sound like.

You know the one?

Imagine that roaring, almost impossible to understand voice and you've got a good idea of what we're about to hear.







The Troll.

The ugliest, sexiest man alive

The official manager of "Mr. Proxy" DOCA HVP

"I don't know what's worse!" • His rough, god awful voice rings out like a demonic dog firing off warning shots. "The fact that my client's opponents this week are ignorant trolls who have done nothing with their lives," continuing to growl and let spit fly as his wrinkly face gets right up in the camera, "or the fact that for the second time in a row it looks like my client needs to work a handicap match! Fuck you, XWF! You suck ass! The first time it was Mr. Proxy teamed with Phoenix Death and Slade, and Slade decided to be a troll and try and cost Mr. Proxy the match so he cut his flippin head off and chucked it at a wop! No more Slade but Mr. Proxy still managed to get his team the win at a disadvantage!

"That Mr. Proxy is a true American hero right there and that's a man that that pays his child support in a timely manner, unlike the trolls on the opposing side this week! Who we got again? Fuck the XWF! If XWF had a mouth I'd fuck it! RAAAAAH! Putting my client in a match with some eggplant like Khalif Compton? And some forgotten diseased doosh like Leteri? And worst of all some friend of Leteri's named Skkizoid from their days at the halfway house together? Big whoop! Tra la la! Who books this fucking trash! I'll stick my ten inch sewer snake in their mouth and teach them how to book properly! Khalif, Leteri and Skkizoid couldn't mosh their way through a Christian rock concert! The only way they stand any chance is by having a handicap advantage!"

The Troll was revealed to be in a public restroom when he moved and in the background urinals were seen lining the wall behind him. Some young students walked into the restroom but The Troll got down on all fours and started...barking at them? "Bark bark bark, roof roof roof! Get back to class you snots!" Snarling and snapping at them with his troll teeth, he easily ran them back out and they could be heard running down the hall screaming.

Meanwhile off in Madison, Wisconsin The Department of Corrective Assault, HVP division, office #8

The United States flag is shown against a brick wall. Below it, a detailed map of the entire world is spread out across the wall. The purpose of this poorly lit room is not clear with the camera remaining still. Wearing his usual green attire, Mr. Proxy steps into view.




"Welcome to my office, ladies." √ It didn't matter if you were male of female; he said ladies. "As we all know, I was the victim of an assault recently.

"No no I'm not referring to anything physical. I'm talking about Khalif Compton assaulting me in the worst way possible....he said I was a scrub and said I have the wrestling ability of an infant girl. Do you hear that, Mafia Men? Khalif just said an infant girl could defeat you. Since you know, I put your asses down for the count in my debut and Khalif says my ability is in line with an infant girl's wrestling ability. You guys should hire me to do a special hit on this doosh bag sometime, I don't mind.

"Still though, I'll tell you straight to your face that I've done more than you or anyone else in this match. I'm Mr. Proxy of The Department of Corrective Assault HVP division, bitch! I will bust your nose and rip your fingers apart and bend them until they break. Khalif, you say I'm some scrub who has done nothing of value around here? Let's see, I've taken out Peter Gilmour on a paid hit, I went on to take out Peter Gilmour again on a second paid hit, I've evened up the odds when I was in a handicap match with Phoenix Death against all three Mafia Men, and I've taken out their boss The Don on a paid hit. Not only that but now I've already been attacked by Sid Feder and Peter Gilmour because they feel threatened by my presence in the XWF.

"Are you listening, Khalif? How about you, Leteri and Skkizoid? You think you're stepping into the ring with a nobody but I've already beaten the odds since my arrival and am seen as a large enough threat that Sid Feder and Peter Gilmour had to double team me the other day when I was minding my own business and carrying out a hit. What about you, Khalif? Huh, you shiny little eggplant? You think you've done something around here that can compare to me? My advice to you is simple: hire me to put a cap in your ass before the match so you don't have to come out and get beaten by the better wrestler!"

Mr. Proxy was holding a camouflage machine gun in his hands while he said that. He was the type of guy who would often have a weapon in hand before you realize what's going on. He smiled as he polished off the gun with a soft cloth and said, "Let's face it, Khalif. You're the only threat to me in this match and it's minor at best. Your partners are about as useful as a couple of Taco Bell chihuahuas, just big enough to make some noise and be irritating but so small they'll be crushed by a well placed double knee drop, crack! Those bones will break and the elimination match will just come down to Khalif by himself against me and Ashe Dawson. Ashe clearly is at a higher level than any of the cockroaches on your team, it's obvious he won't get eliminated just like I won't be getting eliminated. We're just too good for your short bus crew. I think what I'll do is cuff Khalif's hands and feet all together behind his back like he's some kind of hog and then we'll just have open season on his stomach and groin. Ashe, I'll step on Khalif's face while you kick him in the nuts and in the stomach as hard as you can! I say we just beat this eggplant until he can't continue. Make him earn his 'chedda' or whatever food he's calling his money that day." • The set of cuffs made a clinking sound as he toyed with them in his hand in front of the camera.

"Leteri and Skkizoid, if I were you I'd skip the show altogether because the losers' pay isn't going to be worth it and knowing Khalif he's probably going to try and take all three loser purses after the match to leave you guys with nothing. You guys can worry about that while Ashe Dawson and I split the real money, punks ass bitches."