"Joey fucking Hawkins, you've somehow found yourself in a match with me, and what a match it is. An Xtreme Jell-o match, not the oddest I've been in, but I'm sure it is for you. Do you know how you ended up in this situation? I gave you a slight hint, but I think you're too stupid to get it. Let me fill you in as clearly as I can. You ran your mouth about me when you shouldn't have. You've made some claims about me. Some ridiculously stupid ass shit.
Want me to go on about these claims? You claimed I lost to Bobby, and then claimed that I disgust you. You've mentioned my name more than a few times when you really shouldn't have. You wanted to get me into the ring for a while, haven't you? You've just been to scared to beg me to kick your teeth in. What is your record? 3-3? And you were an Ark of the Covenant Champ for what a whole 30 seconds? And you lost it to who? Mastermind, and Mr. XWF. I've beaten Mastermind so badly that I had to give him a new name, Jasmine. As for Mr. XWF, I've taken that title from him before, and so did my brother. You know what that means? That means that you've lost your title to people who are beneath me. And you've lost to people who are less than me.
Fuck, you've only done stuff involving people less than me. You're not ever going to be better than I am. The problem with you, Hawkins? It's that you're stuck in the glory days that probably never happened. You want to tell us how much you accomplished in the Las Vegas Indie Circuit, or whatever gibberish you think we want to hear, the truth is Joey, we don't. Honestly, you're not even a midcard here and you keep talking like you're vastly superior to people. You lost to Bobby fucking Zi, a man you claimed to be superior to. A man who somehow has it twisted in thinking he nailed Eli James and me. What the actual fuck would make you think you're worth shit here? Believe me, after I beat you, you can leave and no one will ask where you went. They'll just wonder why you waited so long to leave. The only reason you keep getting that check is because we need someone to work the opening matches. But hey, you've moved on up in the world. Not as well as Jasmine, but better than you ever dreamed possible.
You're now third from the top, good on you. Or rather, nice showing of me. In case you're not getting this, the only reason you got as high on the card as you did is because of me. I'm the one who boosted you up this high, who boosted you to nearly Main Event status, which means because of me, you matter. You fucking owe me for this. As a matter of fact, I expect you to pay me what little change the owner of this company pays you. I'm not even fucking sure it is Shane who pays you, that nigga got his head lobbed off. I was there, in the building. Getting my ass kicked by Samuels when it happened, or Titan, or whoever. I held his decapitated head in my hands. How the fuck did he come back from that? And why isn't he thanking me for all the free Protein I left in his head for him? That negro owes me for that shit. Shane, if you see this, pay the fuck up.
Anyway, I'm going to stop yelling at you, and focus up on trying to enjoy some fishing with my girl, Sarah. Before I have to jet on out of here to deal with Tony Santos for the TV Title. See, Joey, I'm in a match on Monday night, a match I care more about because it's for the third highest title in this federation. Did I ask for this shot? No, but management thought I was worth putting in for it. Not only are they doing that, but it's against Santos, the only man to defeat Jessica Diaz, and the man who also defeated Theo Pryce. Theo, as you do not know, was the last King of the XWF, he's the only man to beat John Madison in a year. He was also a friend of mine, and I will miss him dearly. So, before I leave Joey, I will quote from Peter Gilmour. Suck my dick."
Frodo set the camera down and ran towards Sarah who was standing knee deep in the river by the cabin. She was squealing and jumping up and down in excitement. Apparently she caught a fish. Yay for Sarah, she caught something Frodo will never eat. Remember, kids at home, Fish is for bears and people are not bears. Unless that person is a large hairy gay man. Ok, kids, I guess Bears can be people. We're not Homophobic here. Well, most of us aren't. I think even NAZI is down with the homo clown. Either way Frodo was happy for Sarah because she was happy, and he loved her.
She took the fish off the hook, quickly, and messily. So much so that she basically just ripped the fish' mouth, not really removed the hook, and the fish was still alive when she did it, too. The meanie. Anyway, so the fish is flopping around in Sarah's hand, trying to get away, and bleeding. She lifts the fish high in the air, and brings it down in a slapping motion across Frodo's face. He tumbles into the river and she just chuckles.
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