"Seat 5A" the counter clerk read aloud as she handed John Madison his airline ticket. John winked at the woman behind the counter, not sadistically-- no-- he tried to of course but failed. There's only one man who can do the sadistic wink-- scratch that-- TWO men who can pull off the sadistic wink. And neither Peter Gilmour nor Gilmour Classic are at this particular airport, though rumor has it that Peter is raising hell at one. The counter clerk tries her damnedest to ignore John and the cloud of whiskey odor emanating from his mouth. She gives John a hint to move the fuck out of the way as she tries to call attention to the passenger behind him.


"Next customer please," she says through John. John looks behind him and sure enough, there's a fat man standing there who's eager to fly.


"You heard the bitch!" John shouts to fatass behind him as he grabs the guy and puts him in a standing armbar. He then shoves the guy's face into the top of the counter. "Give her your shit!"


The fatass is whimpering as he kisses the the counter top. He slaps his hand on the counter and slides his itinerary to the clerk.


"Sir! What are you doing?! Let this man go!"


"You know why you're in this position right now?" John asks the man as he keeps holds him firmly in place. "BECAUSE YOU'RE FAT!"


John uses one hand to keep the man's shoulder pinned to the surface of the counter as he reaches into his belt loop to retrieve the crowbar that he used earlier on the cab driver.


"What are you going to do with that crowbar?!" asks the frantic clerk who still hasn't paged security.


John unbuttons the fat man's trousers, yanks them down along with his tighty whities, and SHOVES THE CROWBAR INTO HIS ASS! Holy shit, two rectal examinations in one day! Holy shit x2, the clerk STILL hasn't paged anybody about this incident. Maybe she's into it? Maybe she wants to be next.


"Sorry ma'am but I need to warm up my arm. It's been months since I've gotten to use a crowbar on somebody."


John releases fat fuck and pulls the crowbar from the man's asshole. John then looks up at the next person who gets in line...


"Hello. One ticket to Chicago, mi'lady."


It's Gilmour fucking Classic. John sees GC, yet GC doesn't seem to notice John despite the craziness that just unfolded. GC must be focused on the blonde behind the counter like John was. She's got them big titties popping out of her blouse. GC gives the woman a sadistic wink, the type of wink that John failed to supply. The wink causes her to giggle and blush.


"Bastard," John mutters to himself. He thinks about putting that crowbar to use again with GC being right there, but he decides against it. Instead, he walks over to the lobby and takes a seat.


"My, my. Did you see how that dumbass, Dimallisher, schooled Frodo Smackins in that promo of his. For fuck's sake, how is Frodo going to allow a man who can't tie his own shoes to make more sense than him? That was just sad. That's Frodo for you though, bringing up his own made up "facts." Idiot. By the way, did you see that pin attempt of his that leaked onto the XWF website? Pathetic. Frodo must have taken what I said to heart and thought, "oh shit, I better go rack up an X-Treme Title win really quick." Does he even realize that if he had won the X-Treme Title, that would put him in two matches on the Pay-Per-View? Frodo can't even win one match against Peter Gilmour, of all people. How does he expect to go through two back to back X-Treme matches? This is why Frodo is terrible at everything he does. He's practically mini-Pete.


"Yep, your tag partner is an idiot, Scorpio. You should have picked Table, because even The Table would have been more reliable than Frodo Smackins. Maybe it's not too late to switch partners-- you should look into that. Paul Heyman seems like a reasonable guy who can be trusted.


"It's funny because most people would say that John Madison had to carry Peter Gilmour to a victory over these two knuckleheads. But after going through all of this, it's becoming more evident that Peter could take both of these motherfuckers on his own if he wanted to.


"I came into this match with the notion that I would get to humiliate two legitimate champions, but it's beginning to look like I'll just be humiliating two Peter Gilmours. Where's the fun in that? I've already humiliated the main Gilmour a bunch of times. If I knew it was going to be this easy, I wouldn't have bothered signing up.


"Fucking hell, Theo. Frodo sucks your dick over how good you are, why couldn't you win the Tag Team Titles so that I'd have myself a challenge at Leap of Faith? It's not like you've got anything else going on. Oh wait-- the Television Title? Wow, has work been that slow for you since I left? Better yet, is that Frodo's idea of "Theo doing it better than Maddy?" That's just downright laughable. TV Title, hah. Please tell me you're just as bored as I am, Theo, and want to go push down little kids in the toddler area. Is that it? Oh well, at least Duke is picking up your slack. Yes, I know Theo, you've got your own group now. You took in Luca and have him playing the same role that I had him in. And you've got Mark Flynn to take on the role of Sebastian Duke; talented but easily disposable. I'm kidding, Duke, PROMISE!


"By the way, did anyone catch the latest episode of "Peter Buries the Tag Team Champions?" That was such a compelling show. Oh yeah-- I was definitely hooked from beginning to end. *wink wink* I especially loved the part where he brought up:

Quote:FUCK YOU SCORPIO! At least I didn't lose to some country hick like Jim Hickbilly. How could you lose to him? Guess it was bad luck huh?

"Nice one, Peter. Too bad we didn't save that moment so that you could play it for the audience like when those talk show hosts go to pitch a clip from a movie. But yeah, that was my favorite part of the show. Honestly, the rest of the show could have been filled with utter nonsense, but that one part would have saved it and made it the greatest show on television. Bravo, Peter, you went above and beyond, and exceeded our expectations. Maybe you can go replace Fallon on Late Night. Just imagine, you see the credits rolling at the end and Peter says, "That's our show, ladies and gentlemen. SUCK MY DICK!" You should go for it, Peter. Me and Luca would watch every week. Naked.


"Well, I guess the best way to leave this promo would be to roll another epic Gilmour quote. Let's see... Hmm, so many to choose from on that show he did. Where do I even begin.

Quote: Keep thinking I don't have what it takes to even win the Tag Titles.

"YEAH! You fuckers keep thinking that Peter doesn't have what it takes to win the Tag Titles. It will happen, folks. And it will be absolutely hilarious. After I've dropped Frodo and place Peter on top of him for the three count, I'll be sure to sit Frodo right back up. Then I'm going to take a seat right next to him. I'll then lean in; give him a big, wet kiss, and then we can rejoice at the sight of Peter Gilmour parading around the ring with both Tag Team Titles. Doesn't that sound like a fun filled night, Scorpio and Frodo? Mmm, can't wait."