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#MemeQueen Luca Torchwick · (05-28-2014)

It's like I'm getting baited here. What's the fucking catch? Giovanni Ferrari and the rest of Warfare's ensemble cast of insane fuckers should be throwing me to the wolves, seeing as though I'm easily the best thing their roster has to offer by a longshot and I've proven myself just as fuckin' excellent as ever after breezing by Tommy Gunn in my return match after ditching the ridiculous Lazarus mask and superhero get up. Yet, here I am facing off against Jeff Taylor, the newest rookie to inevitably bust, fail, and run outta here crying harder than the last one who did the exact same thing? Jon Plex wasn't it? What a fuckin' cowardly

that one was; so untalented he couldn't even beat Kendall Sawyer. The same Kendall Sawyer who lost to fuckin' Gilmour Classic! And that was the bitch Ozymandias had representing his show before the Universal Title became a thing? How is Madness even watchable when I'm no longer there, putting it on my shoulders and running it into the endzone week in, and week out? Oh right, he's got shit like Alexandra Callaway vs. The XWF equivalent of Cheerios and the Gilmours having their match. What the actual fuck?

What the actual, serious fucking fuck is going on here? I take a sabbatical and there's two fuckin' Gilmours, a Jon Plex thing, Frodo's somehow relevant and a champion despite having no talent to speak of and no one's calling him on it, and Tony Santos has his fuckin' eyes set on me? Hell, before I even get on the topic of Jack Tyler and the Dimallisher, let me address some of these goings on because this shit is more topsy turvy than I am after a particularly intense bender.

Fuck it, the Gilmours thing is fuckin' hilarious because it makes Peter's skin crawl and anyone who remembers me knows how much I love that shit. Fucking fatass pair of cunts those two are. I hope Plex kills himself like the whiny emo pussy he is, running away when the competition got a little too hot.

But now, here's the fuckin' coup de grace that made me look at the happenings and scream in confusion: Frodo Smackins, yes that Frodo Smackins, is a champion despite his complete and utter lack of talent, is obviously being carried by Scorpio and no one is gonna say anything about it? Shit, is Scorpio that scary to you motherfuckers that you won't even dare touching a hair on his prodigal child's head? Fuck all of you sniveling cunts.

How do I know Frodo has no talent? Oh boy, let's count the fucking ways: first off he lost to Gilmour. Yeah, that's right, he lost to Peter Gilmour already. The man he raped and is antagonizing already beat him in a match and now a rematch is going to happen as if the outcome is going to be any different. Hell, he could play the "I've gotten better' card but then he went and lost to Tommy Gunn too! Whenever there's some small, insignificant bullshit match put in front of him he can win that no problem, but the second you turn the fuckin' burners on him he cracks under pressure like an egg.

I don't even care that I personally don't have a problem with the guy unlike most of the roster (both ways; as in them having a problem with him and me having a problem with the roster) but this a fuckin' business based on competition: there are winners and there are losers.

Frodo's a fucking loser. Plain as day end of discussion.

Keep shitting the bed, shithead.

Next up, Tony Santos.

Am I going to lie and sit here and say "Oh, I was just going along with what he was doing to fuck with him later" like most of these fucking cowards? No, of course not that'd be fucking stupid. No no, I should've seen what Tony did coming and I'm kicking myself for falling for it. I blame the lack of coke; I wasn't paranoid enough. However, instead of getting me pissed and wanting to kick his ass like it would do for others, all Tony's attack on me makes me want to do is get a match with him and pull out all the stops.

Not a normal person's "all the stops" either.

All my stops.

Cheating every step of the way. Illegal holds, attacks, everything.

Why?

Cuz I fuckin' miss screwing everyone out of their hard earned wins and watching as their dreams shattered into tiny little pieces right in front of them, blowing away with the wind. That's the fucking shit I strive for, not any of this fair play bullshit. I'm a fucking winner, and winners cheat every chance they get.

That's right, I'm fucking advertising it! Slap me with some face paint and call me Scorpio you mindless drones!

Oh shit right they cut the imitation act once I ripped off the mask. Because, you know unlike what Tony Santos wants you to believe, there's only one Luca Arzegotti.

Fuck yeah, beating my God damn copycat clone!

But that ain't happening this week. No, this week I should probably be doing what my partner isn't and focus on the task at hand. The Rookie and the

. Shit, someone should get that printed on a T-Shirt and sell it for twenty bucks on XWFshopzone.net.com.gov.dot.org. I'd buy it if only to laugh at it and frame in on my wall next to a couple piles of vomit I still haven't cleaned up yet. Ugh, I need to get ripping on these morons. Who to start with? The

I know or the Rookie who's probably just like every other rookie that walks into this company?

Screw it, let's start with the one who idolizes Sid Feder and has the same amount of wins this year as him. Hey Dim. Kill yourself, you fucking

. Seriously, you're running around with Feder and Gilmour, two people who have proven themselves incapable of doing what they set out to do. Gilmour proves it almost every week, except when he's facing Frodo and Feder's single match this year resulted in his geriatric ass being on the losing team!

Oh right, I was on that same team!

So? Unlike Feder and unlike you, I've done things to rectify that; while wearing a

superhero outfit!

What have you done?

Oh, right.

Lose.

Lose.

Lose.

Lose.

Lose.

Lose.

And lose again.

What will you do on Wednesday?

Oh yeah, lose again. Are you seeing a fucking pattern or are you blind and deaf too?

What a great partner you have there Jorge.

Oh, it's Jeff? Shit, I won't have to remember that anyway.

Someone, who just like Morbid Angel gets whiny and pissy whenever someone doesn't send out a fucking promo every second of every day, talking some weird ass shit like I'm not even gonna show up to the building. Newsflash

, my fuckin' life doesn't revolve around this shit so when I don't mail in my fuckin' audio recordings for a while, you should be resting easy knowing that you aren't going to be crying for a while, not whining like a Morbid Angel about it. Seriously, don't be a fucking Morbid Angel. No one likes a Morbid Angel just like no one like Morbid Angel. Fuckin' cunt.

Hey, did you know that this guy was a Marine? Don't worry, he'll fuckin' tell you about it. Shit man, could you get more desperate for someone to give a shit about your military service? Seriously, it's every other word outta your god damn mouth almost. Is that the cool thing to do nowadays?

Hey everyone, I'm a druggie criminal! Listen to me, I do so many drugs! I injected seven whole marijuanas!

That's how you fucking sound.

You say I'm not prepared?

Motherfucker, you're the one in for a world of surprise. Callaway and Spade Cardinal aren't what you call talented, I am. It doesn't matter that my own partner is off preparing for Sebastian "AHAHAHAHAHA" Duke, or if you're prepared to take on all of us, including your mentally deficient partner.

What matters is me.

The guy who'll screw you so hard you'll swear you were back in your barracks.

Hey, don't ask; don't tell, right?

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode The Rookie and the <img src="https://i.imgur.com/pUgtAVa.gif"> : A Match Made in My Wet Dreams (RP 3)
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