Craig Davis waited patiently in the Doctor's office with his hand down in his black dress pants. Several other patients sat close by, gazing at random magazines, and health books to occupy their minds as they listened for their names to be called; not one of the patents noticed Craig Davis scratching his nutsack, he had been doing it for quite some time now.

The One Hit Wonder had been waiting for nearly an hour, but had yet to be called though, he just knew his name would be next. The door opened and the nurse titled her head through the framework. She looked down at the clipboard and called out the next person in line. “Jeremy Calvin!” she shouted and Craig grunted in his chair. He was starting to grow impatient because there was somewhere else he needed to be, but this was a very important visit and by all means did he have to see the doctor. But he would have to wait a little longer, so he picked up a magazine and glanced at it. Page after page he flipped, but none caught his eye until he turned to page 157.

A smile forged on his arrogant face.

How to protect yourself from STDs.

The One Hit Wonder laughed, “Just what I’ve been looking for…”

He continued reading the article as he crossed his legs and nested into the leather chair until he felt comfortable. His right index figure scrolled through each sentence as he read them carefully, smirking as he went.

Some of the article read:

Talk to your partner about STDs before having sex, and ask if he or she has been exposed to any STDs.

Craig raised his head and surveyed the room, giving his bogging mind time to collect a few thoughts. ‘As ugly as that thing is’ he muttered under his breath and shook his head, “Yeah, that limp dick has definitely been exposed.” he continued reading.

Look carefully at your partner's body. If you notice any unusual discharge, sores, bumps, or redness and think your partner may have an infection, you should probably refrain from intercourse until the condition is taken care of.

“That thing definitely has some bumps on it.”

Use a dental dam or cut condom during vaginal oral sex (cunnilingus).

“I might have to wrap myself in some saran wrap!”

Use a spermicidally lubricated latex condom during intercourse. Consider using vaginal spermicide as well.

“Maybe I should spray the wrap down with some mineral oil too!”

Remember that many STDs are largely asymptomatic, so caution is important when choosing a partner.

“Yeah, but if I don’t knock that dick in the dirt, who else is going too?”

Also, please remember that condoms are not foolproof but are the best choice for infection protection during intercourse.

“Screw it! I’ve never used a rubber before and I’m not about to start now. I’ve made it this far without wearing’em.”

Just about that time, “Craig Davis!” the nurse shouted.

Craig closed the book and slammed it down on the table. He stood up, looked at the fiery redhead standing at the door, “My ole my!” he was fascinated by the young woman, as he was with every other woman he held a conversation with, “You are...” he quickly glanced down at her badge, sagging from her neck, “Linda Burke, niice!”

“Come on Mr. Davis, Doctor Burke will see you now.” she stated, hinting to Craig that the doctor was her husband. Craig loved a lady who was married, the drama of it all overwhelmed him with excitement. He even had chill bumps crawling up his arms at the thought of it.

Crazy bastard.

Craig followed Linda through the short hall, but eye screwed her ass in the process. It bounced beautifully with each step and as Linda turned around, her luscious red hair swung loosely in the stale air and her bright red lips teased The One Hit Wonder.

“Whoooo!” he screamed in his head, “I’d like to get ahold of that and I’d tear Mrs. Burke up...”

“Hello Mr. Davis, do you mind not staring at my wife like that? I’d appreciate it.” Dr. Burke said, interrupting the fantasy of stroking Linda with his tongue, which replayed over and over in his head before the good doctor interupted it.

“You should put more clothes on her then man, because you can see straight through that skirt man. Especially when she walks, damniiit maan!” he grinned, taking one more quick glance at the sizzling prospect.

Dr. Burke coughed intentionally, “Okay Mr. Davis, what can I help you with today?”

Craig replied, “Well...” he paused, trying to put what he was thinking into words, “I’m a wrestler and I might be facing this guy who claims he has the biggest cock in the world. I dunno if he does, hell thats not even relevant. The point is, this guy talks about raping men with his HUGE cock all the time and well...he wears a mushroom head as a mask! I think...” Craig stopped, stroked his chin with his brows furrowed, “But all I want to know is...Doc, can he transmit any STD’s in a match?”

Dr. Burke looked dumbfounded, “What the fuck is wrong with this guy.” he thought. ‘Is this guy serious?” he thought again. Dr. Burke didn’t know whether or not to take this guy serious, or not. So he decided to go with it, “Well...this guy has a huge cock obviously, and um...he likes raping men...so I’d say he has at least one STD. You might want to use some bubble wrap and spray some mineral oil on ya; that’s about the only thing I can come up with.”

“I KNEW IT!” blared Craig, “That douchebag has an STD, damnit man, I’ve I have to go one on one with that dickhead, I’m gonna bring a huge ass black dildo, and we’re gonna sword fight because I’m not wrestling that cock.”

“Or you could buy a chicken and throw in the ring. Everyone loves a good cock fight.”

Craig lit up the room with a smile, “Hell Yeah DOC! That’s a fan-fucking-tastic! That would be ENTERTAINMENT BABY! Good talk doc, see ya next time!”

Craig Davis barged through the door and power walked through the short hall, exiting via the door he once entered. He continued through the facility and escaped the building via the garage exit. With no time to waste, he had to go find a chicken. A fucking chicken. But first, he had to stop at a thrift store and pick up one huge ass black dildo.

If he was gonna go up against The People’s Cock, then by shit, he was going to be prepared.

Oh yeah, don’t forget the bubble wrap, and mineral oil too!