Belle Reve means a great deal to me, it is the place where I belong in times of trouble, it is where I was locked away for months attempting to fight my addictions, it is the place I felt like a person. I know what it’s like to battle demons, I know what it’s like to have something eat away at you, suffocating you, surrounding you, beating you. I was forced to attend classes with others, people who also had the same deluded thoughts, the same insignificance. Belle Reve is now the place my brother battles with the same demons I did. The man I haven’t seen in ten long years, nothing will change that fact, until he realizes his problem. Ten years is a damn long time, but now I’m free, free of the harmful drugs that intoxicated my system, but today I need confidence and so i have come to the place that I know will give me the things I long for. I stand outside the old building, its moss covered face, ivy grown over the wooden framed windows, it may be old but places like this were built to last and last it has. The sign claims the building was built in 1769 and for someone looking at it from the outside you would believe it. However when you step inside it is a different place, a place of solitude, a modern prison almost, new technology, newly built rooms and beds, new staff come and go and of course new patients. Rain lashes down beating on the windows and as i walk inside all i can hear is the beating rain echoing in the long reception hall. I walk up to the desk, clearly I am recognized.

“Ahh Mr. King! It has been longer this time, back to fight the demons are we?”

Sarcastic crackpot I thought as I reminisced my time in this place…

“Actually no, I’m not back, well not for that, I have come to see my brother.”

The receptionist looks at him through half-moon glasses and grins.

“You of all people should know we don’t allow visitation anymore, especially ex-patients.”

Ten years ago it wasn’t like this, the staff were friendly and well mannered This guy whoever he was has obviously worked here far to long and believes he has some kind of power over people.

“I wasn’t aware, I apologize, may I speak with Dr. Connors?”

Again the old guy looks up and grins.

“No, he isn’t working here anymore, I believe he is now at the cemetery.”

“Cemetery! What! Why would he be at the cemetery?”

“I believe for the same reason most people are at the cemetery, he died in 2007.”

I couldn’t believe what he was saying, how could he have died, he was no older than 30 when I was here. He would only be in his fortys, suddenly the inspiration had evaporated. Everything I learned seemed to disappear, every hope of keeping clean now seemed so distant, every inch of my body tightened, fixed to the spot my days in this place flashed before my eyes. Everything I have worked to achieve seemed to spill out of me, then the voices came back…

4 HOURS EARLIER

Walking through the corridor towards the XWF locker room was a daunting prospect, who would i be against? I entered the locker room and spot a letter tucked in my locker door, opening it my heart beats more rapidly, the excitement is so intense.

Congratulations and welcome to XWF, this week on Monday Night Massacrer I will book you in the night opener in a triple threat hardcore match, it is sure to wet your appetite for forth coming shows. You should attend training sessions a day before the event and make sure to do some homework on your opponent to give you a slight advantage. Thanks for signing with XWF.

XWF OWNER


“Triple Threat…a deadly first! You really think your going to beat this man? He has been reborn, unlike yourself, he has the father on his side, he is actually battling his demons and relinquishing their powers. Nothing you have will go for you tonight, your a nobody, nothing.”

“Tonight I will win my debut, tonight I will win my debut, tonight I will win my debut, tonight…”

“That’s it copy the man, pray, pray all you like, nothing will help you, your helpless, you cannot and will not defeat this man, you’ll simply fail, like you have failed at everything.”

“NO!!! No I won’t”

Crumbling to the ground and curling up into a ball, the tears begin to flood again, rolling Tommy’s face and crashing to the ground, then a change one like never before, the tears stop flowing, the hands turn into fists, the shaking turns into trembling, then Tommy stands. He slams his fists into the wall over and over and over again. Blood then begins to crash to the ground, the crimson pools on the floor, the punching then begins to slow down, Tommy begins to shake again. He then slumps down his head smashes against the wall and his body falls to the ground, landing in his own blood.

“Hardly a hero are you boy, am i supposed to be impressed by your pathetic efforts to seem tough, tonight they will defeat you, tonight you become a famous nobody. People laughing at you, knowing you and laughing, watching you and taking the piss. Becoming something when your nothing is an impossibility and you will soon realize that fact”

The voice fades and the lights in the room go out.

THE SHOW BEGINS

I await my entrance music, the sound of the crowd can be heard all through the arena but standing behind the curtain, its deafening. Suddenly the spotlight shines on me even through the curtain I feel the intense heat of the light, then the music begins blasting from the speakers drowning everything else out. I walk through the curtain, thousands and thousands of fans chanting XWF, a faint smell of popcorn hits my nostrils, the commentators table seems so far away, this is it. Destiny. I walk down the XWF ramp and up the steel steps into the ring, I call for a microphone and press it towards my lips

“Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I’ll be honest I have always wanted to be someone, someone with something, someone who was something, anything, but lately ‘something’ seems to be further away then it ever has been. My opponents and I are not so different and you may disagree, but we are both battling demons, we are both attempting reincarnation just in very different ways. But I didn’t come out here to tell you how we are alike I came out here to tell you all how dis-similar we are. I believe you must fight for reincarnation, you make your own luck, rebuild yourself, battle, fight, believe you can accomplish anything, do anything, beat anything. I have struggled to do this for a long, long time, I’m still struggling. I’m struggling to battle my demons, my insignificance, my brothers incarceration, my being a nobody, my parents disbeliefs, mum, dad if your watching. I made it. But there is something that bothers me, something still that eats away, it denies my getting better, it stops me from being the man i need to be to survive. It’s the thought that i don’t need to do this, i don’t need to become re-born, to be reincarnated, or even to fight my demons.”

I lower the microphone, you could hear a pin drop, they are hanging on my every word.

“For nearly eleven years I have tried to be the person my parents wanted me to be, i tried so hard to get past all of it. But i realized something today. WHY FUCKING BOTHER! Why bother being what people want me to be, surely i should just be me! RIGHT! Surely we should all strive to be what we want to be. So I will be, I will let the demons in, let them consume me, and now that i have, you guys don’t stand a god damn chance.”

Tommy throws his microphone to the ground and bends down focused on the entrance ramp pleading the first opponent to make his entrance, he then walks towards the ropes and stands on the bottom rope bouncing up and down shouting insanely at the maroon curtain. Their entrance music plays, the curtain flickers and Tommy begins to run the ropes…