Sad, sappy music from a Celine Dion song plays, immediately tugging on the heartstrings of the viewer even before the video montage rolls. Tears begin to roll down as the aforementioned video montage shows Preston in rare form… younger… still rich, but he’s feeding starving kids in Africa. They hug him. They cry tears of joy for him. He is seen crying, too.

The feed continues showing this unique side of the currently hated XWF Hall of Legends member. He’s now playing soccer with them in a field full of destitution. He bravely kills a mosquito trying to take the last bit of life force from a small emancipated child. Another scene shows him providing trucks full of medical aid to the hardest hit places in Africa and the Middle East.

The emotionally charged song fades, and the scene pans out, showing Preston sitting in a chair, clad nicely in a suit, while the video continues playing in the background behind him. No Briggs. No Regan. No Dashford. This is just Preston, and for once his handsome, princely face isn’t aflame with mischief. He looks oddly somber.

“Ladies and gentlemen, there are times in the wrestling industry that we need to step away from the gimmicks, the fun, the cartoony, and the silliness, so that we can be serious. Folks, this is one of those times. This is the time we need to stop making fun of Larry Tact. Everyone on the roster has beaten the dead horse when it comes to slandering him, so much so that it feels like somebody is using necromancy to raise the dead horse from the grave so it can be beaten to death again.”

He shakes his Undefeated, Hall of Legends head in disappointment at the XWF roster.

“I raised a lot of money for the poors in Africa and the Middle East through the programs seen on the video package you saw. And I’m going to do it again. See, everyone has been having such a good time making fun of Larry that nobody has stopped and asked why Larry is the way he is. Folks, I don’t know how to say this without being brutally honest. Larry is suffering from Biden-Brain. It’s a new disease. We all know what it means.”

His face drops with sadness for his fellow wrestler and business connoisseur.

“His daughter, his wife, his family.. They’re fine. Nobody is missing. They’re safe at home. There was a time ages ago when Larry’s daughter briefly wandered off when Larry’s wife was banging the chauffeur behind his back, but she was quickly found within an hour. However, with his Biden-Brain disease afflicting him, he sometimes thinks it just happened. That’s why his recollection of his daughter missing only comes up to him sporadically.”

Preston’s panty-obliterating ocean blue eyes shame the roster with judgment, knowing how mean they’ve been to poor old Larry.

“I spent quite a bit of money having medical experts and behavioural analysts study Larry, and they’ve confirmed this with 100% accuracy. I won’t slander Larry now. Despite his current spate of wins and losses in rollercoaster manner, the man’s a damn legend in this sport overall. However, this news of his Biden-Brain disease diagnosis has left me with a tough decision to make.”

Another sober look. This is serious, guys.

“See, fans, having that type of disease is not just harmful for Larry, but also for his opponents. Larry has indulged massively in steroids throughout his career. He’s basically a walking steroid rack with eyeballs. Due to his memory recall cognitive ability being so sporadic, nothing is stopping him from killing someone in the ring if he suddenly thinks he’s back in the gym having a roid rage incident with another gym goer, or any type of rage flashback scenario. So.. so… oh god.. Um.. this means..”

Preston pulls out a small bottle and rolls the application under his eyes, and suddenly, he’s starting to cry.

“That I must euthanize Larry Tact in that ring come Anarchy. Not figuratively. But literally. There is no other way. There is no cure. I won’t use my own money for this, as it would be death money. I can’t have that on my hands. That’s why I need you all to donate money to the Euthanize Larry Tact Initiative. Please donate by visiting the XWF website and pledging. Gathering enough money will allow me to buy the tools to euthanize him after I’ve defeated him in that ring. It will be a bittersweet victory for me, but together we will make XWF GREAT AGAIN… starting with Larry Tact.”

He wipes tears away. Regan, Dashford, and Briggs group hug him.

Then..

Preston gets an alert on his phone. He pops it open and flexes a brow as he reads an email from Black Rainbow corporate HR.

“Mr. Preston Vanderlay Esquire,

We at Black Rainbow regret to inform you that your services are no longer needed. Your time with us was exemplary, and you performed well above the standard we strive for. However, we received an unsatisfactory number of complaints from females in the staffing cadre who claimed your presence made it hard to concentrate on their duties due to the sheer magnitude of your physical appeal and princely features. Several complained that their ovaries exploded upon sight of you. To ensure these complaints had merit, we reviewed countless hours of video footage from our offices and can confirm that on multiple occasions, women burst into spontaneous orgasms as you walked through the room. This by no means is an indicator that you did anything wrong. It is quite the opposite, sir. Simply put, you are too much man for Black Rainbow. We wish you the best in your future endeavors.

Best Regards,

Caleb Crappinschitz
Human Resources Department
Black Rainbow NPC

Preston frowns, but nods. He presses the reply button and fast-fingers the screen.

“Bummer to hear this, but I understand. Thank you for the good times.”