Darren is back in the XWF botanical gardens using his sweet nunchuck title belt to practice sweet ninja moves while making Bruce Lee noises.

Darren Dangerous: “HWAAAA! HWAAAAA! Wawwwwwwwwwwww-YA!”

That’s when one of the pages from XWF HQ shows up and interrupts things, nearly taking a chuck to the dome in the process.

Page: “Hey, Mister Dangerous, sir?”

Darren Dangerous: “That’s CHAMPION Dangerous you little cocksucker. That’s why they call it a title. Get it right or I’ll powerbomb you into the dirt right here next to these hydrangeas. BITCH!”

The page flinches when DD feints a swing at him.

Page: “I’m so sorry Champion Dangerous… they sent me out here to get you though. They need you in HR.”

Darren Dangerous: “HR? What the fuck for? That’s some bullshit. Fine lemme just take a piss first.”

Darren unzips and whips out his fat schlong and starts shooting a heavy stream onto a venus flytrap, which is the most hardcore plant there is.

A little bit later, Darren is sitting in an office across a desk from this chick.



Darren Dangerous: “This is some fucked shit, Jane! Er… Miss Car-”

Jane: “That’s not my name anymore, Darren. I’m a married woman now. You can call me Mrs. Blumpkinz.”

Darren Dangerous: “Oh okay fine. Well this is fucking fucked, Missus Blump. Why am I getting dragged into the principal’s office when I need to be getting ready for my match on Anarchy? Did my shithead partner Centegenarian set this shit up? Fuck him! After I kick those two twink twins asses and put them through a few panes of glass and flaming tables, I’ll give that old man some knife edge chops hard enough to send his saggy titties onto his back!”

Jane: “No Darren this is about all of the things you said to Captain Future. He filed an official EEO complaint.”

Darren Dangerous: “What just because I called him a and a a few times? FUCK! It happened again! How are you guys doing that? That shit didn’t happen in 2015!”

Jane: “Things have changed for the better in XWF, Darren. You need to change too. You’re a champion in this company and you can’t get canceled. How about we work through your impulses with some word associations? I’ll show you a picture of someone from the XWF past or present and you say the first thing that comes to mind. Let’s start.”



Darren Dangerous: “!”

Jane: “No. Darren, this is what I’m talking about. You can’t call people that. This is former XWF Universal Champion Scully.”

Darren Dangerous: “That’s not Scully! Scully is a . Oh I can’t say that one either?”

Jane: “No.”

Darren Dangerous: “Fuck. Well whatever it’s not him. Scully looked like a cross between Peppa Pig and Eric Stoltz from the movie Mask. I threw him off a scaffold and almost killed him in my first XWF match. I’m undefeated against future Universal Champions because I’m the hardest core motherfucker in XWF history. How about I show you a picture now and you tell me what you think?”

Jane: “Wait, no…”

Darren Dangerous: “It’s not my dick, I swear. Look.”

Darren holds up his phone and it has his 23andMe account loaded up.



Darren Dangerous: “See that? It’s my hardcore genes. No one is as badass as me. Not my lame as shit tag partner and not the two tiddlyfuck dicktuggers we’re squaring off with. I’m gonna wreck house, then afterwards I’ll bring the Dope Show back to the XWF and start banging the hottest bitches around. I just wish Amanda Hands didn’t die from that cocaine enema in 2023. You should have seen that slut gape…”

Jane: “Enough! You’re hopeless. You’re the worst thing to happen to this place since we got rid of my uncle and his best friend Peter.”

Darren Dangerous: “Oh you mean this guy?”

The door bursts open and In This Moment starts to blast.










Darren Dangerous: “Sike, that didn’t really happen. That stupid fucklips shitforbrains is still gone forever and I’m twenty times more hardcore than him anyway. Just like I am with anyone else. That’s why I’m the X-Treme Champion! Fuck Bobby Bourbon with a rude brick. Fuck Boomerturion’s woke ass with a kumquat tree that’s on fire and full of bees. Fuck the Rangoon Twins or whatever they’re called with each other’s limp dicks. I’m gonna be champ forever. Peace out, slut.”

Darren starts bleeding and leaves the office.