And now… The Thespian’s Journey Toward the King’s Tourney Presented by Sir Lionel Pennyfarthing

The floodlight hits the stage as Lionel stomps into the stage, donning chainmail featuring his house sigil, Comedy-and-Tragedy masks…

”Bard! Droppeth that beat as the gentle rain from heaven!”

In the stage’s corner, a DJ with a state-of-the-art sound mixing computer system…

Reaches under his computer… and retrieves a lute.

He begins to play…



Lionel nods, attuning himself to the beat.

”Thoust challenged Sir Lionel to courtly joust?
Thou danceth with demons like thy name is Faust!

Quoth the Bard, ‘Hell’s empty… the devils all here’
But, Sir Lionel’s the Devil other devils ought fear!

I’ve learnéd knightly maneuvers! Mastered knightly melee!
I’m a man of horse BUSINESS, while you children horse PLAY!

I’ve ridden on horseback! Many sers I have fought!
Like Arthur’s Second-in-Command, I Lance-a-lot!

Squire! Fetch mine arret and affix mine grapper!
Wrestling? Not my forté! Tilting? I’m the deftest scrapper!

Doth Thomas Wish dare upon tiltyard to climb?
Unlike he, whence I speak, I ACTUALLY RHYME!

Wish, the unruliest knave to woo the Ladies Court!
Hethinks courtship his game, methinks non-consent his true sport!

Shall Razor Blade arise, and step onto the pitch?
Or shall he simply remain backstage, as Latoya’s BITCH.

The Razor’s gone dull, his promos repetitive!
Amongst peers? Only his loss count is competitive!

Who else may step up? Or did thine courage wilt?
Come forth, be RUN THROUGH, from lance-tip to hilt!

If thou doth step to me, grippeth thine shield fast!
I won’t dally a moment! Mercy? PASS!

Anon! Your end cometh! Yon ring bell chimes for thee!
Thy demise? Lionel Pennyfarthing! O.B.E!”

Sir Lionel waves his cape with a flourish, and descends into a deep bow.

The curtains close.

THE END