LIVE FROM THE newly opened INTUIT DOME
INGLEWOOD, CALIFORNIA The American Storm
Razor Blade and Latoya Hixx
- vs - The Big Upps
Hans Upp and Gabe Upp -Tornado Tag-
Aurora and Lucy Wylde
- vs -
Cyrus Braddock and “Cavortin’” Jake Borden -Standard Tag-
As the scene opens, we see ‘Loverboy’ Vinnie Lane walking through the halls of the XWF backstage area…
He knocks on a door…
”Liam! Liam, you in there?”
…
Vinnie reaches into his pocket of his skin-tight pants, fishing out…
A set of keys (with fuzzy dice, of course)...
He flips through the keys…
”L! My Des-MAN! Theo decided to call it an early retirement… Thaddy is stepping into his business slacks… Which means we need a new Warfare GM!”
…Vinnie finds the key!
”So, congratulations to the new Boss…”
He unlocks the door!
”Liam Desmon-”
…
Liam’s office is…
Covered in cobwebs.
On the desk is a letter denoting extended vacation…
”...Dang, yo.”
”Congratulations to the new Boss…”
Vinnie unlocks another door!
”SMOKIN’ BOB WILL-”
…
Smokin’ Bob’s Texas-size office is completely empty…
On the desk is a note reading “Went back to the ranch, cowpoke! I’ll mosey back soon!”
…
”DUDE!”
”JONATHAN BARR-”
CLUNK! Despite Vinnie having unlocked the door, Barrows’ office remains stuck in place…
A small page shoots out under the door.
To whomever is attempting to break into my office. I assume you’re here to kill me. Unfortunately for you, I have already made my escape. Good luck finding me.
”DOES ANY MANAGEMENT ACTUALLY STILL WORK HERE, YO?!?”
…
From behind Vinnie.
The sound of a milkshake being sucked through a straw!
Vinnie turns around…
And sees…
Warfare co-GM Peter Principle sucking down a milkshake.
…
Principle stares at the milkshake, confused.
”Why do they call it a milk’shake’? It’s solid ice cream. It doesn’t move.”
…
Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
…
”If anything, soda should be called a shake, cuz you can shake liquid.”
…
”Dude.”
…
”That’s the smartest thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life. You’re like a philosophizer.”
…
”You want a job?”
”I already work for you, sir.”
”Oh.”
…
”You want a promotion?”
”DO I!”
FIREWORKS!
EXPLOSIONS!
A SMORGASBORD OF VISUAL DELIGHTS!
As coming down the ramp…
Is the NEW GENERAL MANAGER OF WARFARE… PETER PRINCIPLE!
JC: Absolutely amazing. Possibly the least qualified person anyone could have hired for the job! He’s never wrestled! I don’t even think he watches wrestling!
BG: And he’s YOUR boss now, Jacko!
JC: …Sigh.
Principle steps through the ropes, waving at the crowd!
”HELLO, XWF UNIVERSE!”
Mild pop.
”This is the first show after Relentless!”
MUCH BIGGER POP!
Principle nods, smiling.
”Which I’ve been told is a big deal!”
…
JC: An absolute embarrassment.
”Anyway! Tonight is going to be great… We’ve got great matches and well-dressed officials and we sell popcorn and soda at the concession stand and if you need a bathroom, we’ve got those too!”
…The crowd is sitting on their hands now.
JC: Get to the wrestling!
Principle looks at his announcer!
”Oh right! Wrestling! That reminds me! Cheer if you like wrestling!
…
The crowd is so dumbfounded by that ridiculous question, there’s a slight delay, before they deliver a spirited ‘WOOO!’
”Great! Because it’s WarGames season!”
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH! All of a sudden, the crowd goes from first gear to fifth gear in excitement!
JC: Everybody loves War Games!
”And that season begins with the Captain’s Match! An elimination match between the six captains of WarGames! The winner will get to choose to draft first or last… And everyone else in the match will draft in reverse order… So, 5th place will draft either first or second, 4th will draft second or third… And so on!”
JC: OH MY GOD! SHUT UP AND GET TO THE WRESTLING!
”So! Next week! You’re going to get a Captain’s Match FULL OF STARS!
”Former Universal Champ and 2023 WarGames Champion, Prince Adeyemi!”
The crowd rises to their feet, absolutely electrified!
”So! That’s next week!”
…
”But! This show will be great, too!”
…
”Okay, bye!”
Principle steps through the ropes and walks back up the ramp to his office.
JC: …Well. A lot of reasons to be excited for next week. But, this show is still absolutely STACKED with amazing matches! It’s the first show after Relentless as this crowd just went crazy for a match announcement! So you KNOW they’re going to be going absolutely bonkers for actual matches! Let’s get it started!
The action to kick off XWF Warfare moves to the ring, where lying in wait, are Hans and Gabe Upp - “The Big Upps”
BG: Like much of our audience here tonight, this UP and coming tag team couldn’t wait to get the action started tonight!
JC: Up and coming? The Big Upps have been a part of our roster for nearly 5 years now, but all of that waiting for a crack at the main roster does seem to have them fired up here tonight.
When The Strom is Coming hits Latoya Hixx. they heard a voice laugh in the background and saw blue lights from the entrance and some smoke and rainfall coming down she walked onto the middle stage flexed her muscles walked straight down towards the aisle slapped a few XWF fans got inside the ring and dim the lights in the ring and she flexes her arms once more and spread her arms and climbs on the top rope and yell at her fans and tells them to let's go and climbs down off the ropes and waits for her trusted partner to arrive.
The Big Upps flee the ring as Latoya’s imposing figure moves in on the two-
BG: MAN! Isn’t Latoya Hixx one heck of a specimen? Even alone, she’s scared Han and Gabe out of the ring!
JC: I just can’t believe the American Storm still doesn’t have a team entrance. This is one of the most consistent, and battle tested tag teams in the XWF
BG: Unlike a lot of these teams, Hixx and Blade don’t need to shine together- their names speak for themselves.
JC: Yeah they do…
The lights goes out and hear a voice saying Wrestling has one royal family and when Kingdom hit's fireworks burst open and Razor Blade comes out wearing a American nightmare outfit and left his arms in the mid air and fist pumps in a fake air and he saw a kid wearing a Blake shirt and he takes off his American nightmare belt off his waist in hands it to the XWF fan and climbs up the steps in hops on the turnbuckle and raises both arms in the air and more fireworks burst once again and he gets inside of the ring and climbs on the top rope taunts some more and gets down and takes off his American nightmare jacket and prepares for a fight.
The American Storm
Razor Blade and Latoya Hixx
- vs - The Big Upps
Hans Upp and Gabe Upp -Tornado Tag-
The bell rings and we’re underway, with Hans starting off against Razor.
Razor goes for an irish whip, but it’s reversed by Hanns who sends Blade running right into his brother Gabe- and a big back rake through the ropes.
JC: Oh! A dirty move there by the Big Upps!
BG: You call it dirty, I call it crafty, JC!
Razor staggers in pain, but the referee didn’t see Gabe’s interference.
Hans capitalizes on the distraction, locking Razor into a front facelock and driving a few knees into his midsection. He pulls Razor toward the corner where Gabe is waiting for a tag. They make the switch with Hans holding Razor in place for a double team move. Gabe climbs to the second turnbuckle and jumps off with a double axe handle to Razor’s back.
BG: Classic tag team synergy from the Big Upps!
JC: Come on, ref! Turn around! This is supposed to be a fair match.
BUT RAZOR FIGHTS BACK FROM THE CHEAP TACTICS!
As Gabe pulls Razor up, looking to continue his control, Razor plants his feet and fires off a quick European uppercut. Gabe staggers and Razor follows up with a perfectly executed dropkick, sending Gabe crashing to the mat!
Now with some breathing room, Razor sprints toward the ropes, rebounds, and hits a running bulldog on Gabe Upps. The crowd pops as Razor gets back to his feet, ready for more.
JC: Razor Blade turning the momentum back in favor of The American Storm!
BG: Don’t celebrate too soon! The Big Upps are still in this one.
Razor looks over to Latoya Hixx in their corner. She’s ready for the tag, pacing on the apron like a caged lioness. Razor happily obliges, tagging her in with a slap of the hand. The crowd roars in anticipation.
Latoya charges in like a freight train. Gabe, still dazed from Razor’s offense, doesn’t see her coming. She levels him with a corner splash that shakes the ring.
JC: Here comes Hixx!
She grabs Gabe by the waist and hoists him into the air for a delayed vertical suplex!
1!
2!!
3!!!
The audience counts along as Latoya holds Gabe aloft, showing off her incredible strength-
4!!!!
5!!!!!
-before slamming him down hard onto the mat!
Hans Upps looks on from the corner as Latoya turns her attention to him.
She charges again- this time looking for a bicycle kick, but Hans hops off the apron, wanting no part of her.
Gabe crawls back toward his corner, desperation in his eyes, but Latoya grabs him by the ankle, dragging him back to the center of the ring.
BG: Smart strategy from Latoya, keeping Gabe away from his partner!
Latoya hits a Pump-Handle Facebuster, planting Gabe into the canvas with authority. She covers him, and the referee slides into position.
1!
2!!
NO!!!
Hans rushes in to break the count! Stomping on Latoya to stop the pin.
The referee immediately forces Hans back to his corner.
JC: Hans Upps just saved the match for his team, but for how long?
Latoya shakes off the attack, gets to her feet, and glares at Hans. There’s some weird fixation she seems to have with the milky boy from Idaho.
With a nod to Razor, she tags the American Nightmare back in.
They set up for a big double team move!
Razor climbs to the top rope as Latoya hoists Gabe into a Bearhug. Razor jumps off, hitting a picture-perfect crossbody on Gabe while Latoya simultaneously crushes him with the bearhug.
JC: What teamwork! The American Storm are in total control!
Hans is stuck watching as Razor drags Gabe back to the center of the ring.
Razor, smelling victory, signals for his finisher.
He waits for Gabe to get back on his feet…
BLADE ROSE! BLADE ROSE!
JC: BLADE ROSE! That move is so impressive, that I don’t even know how to describe it!
1!
BG: IT’S OVER!
2!!
JC: NO HERE COMES HANS TO BREAK IT UP!
SPEAR BY HIXX!
She intercepts Hans with a thunderous spear, driving him into the mat with such force that the crowd erupts in cheers.
BG: Hans Upps just got FOLDED UP by Latoya Hixx!
3!!!
WINNERS: THE AMERICAN STORM, RAZOR BLADE AND LATOYA HIXX
JC: A dominant performance by The American Storm! They weathered the tricks of the Big Upps and came out on top.
BG: Yeah, but you gotta give it to the Upps for trying. That apron falling back rake? Genius.
JC: Well, I’m sure this won’t be the last we’ve seen of The Big Upps, because I hear The Bashmaster is looking to gobble up as much talent for Anarchy as possible.
BACKSTAGE
Jimmy Stars: If we don’t get this win here tonight, Stars of Combat is fucked. It’ll be an unmitigated fucking disaster.
Jimmy Stars could have paced a circle shaped groove into the terrazzo floor backstage if the night were long enough. He could have removed his fingernails one small bite at a time until there was nothing but fleshy little nubs. Jimmy’s anxiety alone could have powered the lights in the entire arena but instead it was crammed into this tiny, private locker room. Every tick of the clock felt twice slower than the last. Stars was sweating bullets, and the Californian fans hadn’t even finished filling the seats yet. He didn’t know how he was going to make it to - let alone through - ‘the match’.
It was making his friend and former manager Alfred Presley nervous, too.
Al Presley: It won’t be a disaster, Jim. Relax.
Jimmy Stars: You know how I am. You know how this is: If I don’t think I can do it, then there’s a fucking problem. And I’m starting to think that I have a fuckingproblem.
Al Presley: Baloney. Everything’s going to be fine. You’ve got two of the best to ever do it goin’ to bat for ya. How can ya lose?
Jimmy Stars: Oh, I can think of a few ways. They all start with Ar and end in Orura.
Al Presley: With Lucy out there? I doubt it. Say they don’t get the win tonight; your team is still coming out of this looking stronger.
Jimmy Stars: If they don’t get the win, Al, then they don’t get the winner's check. It doesn’t matter how Stars of Combat looks if I can’t make the payments on our new H.Q. complex!
For all of the worrying, Jimmy finally had to take a seat. Al was right there, though, to place a hand on his shoulder. He had flown halfway across the country to be here. Al wasn’t about to back down now.
Al Presley: Do you honestly think for one second that I would let you fail?
Jimmy Stars: That’s not the point, Pres. No offense but you ain’t going to be around forever. I want to show you that I can do this… prove to you that I can fly on my own.
Al Presley: Hohoo, don’t you worry about me none. You’ve got a team now that you’re responsible for. A team that needs to know and understand the vision of what you’re trying to create for them. They need to know the who and the what that they are fighting for.
Jimmy Stars: Which is?
Al Presley: A team fights for one thing: for each other. If Stars doesn’t have Aurora’s back, or Lucy’s back, then why should they fight for Stars?
Jimmy Stars: Of course I have their backs Al… Why the hell would they think otherwise?
Alfred points a damning finger at Jimmy’s chest.
Jimmy Stars: Oh.
Al Presley: Do me a favor and enjoy this night, this moment for what it is. Nothing lasts forever.
BG: Now... This? This is an odd couple if I've ever seen one!
JC: The tag-team division makes for strange ring-fellows, Brody! But, Braddock is an absolute MUTANT in terms of size and strength! If Borden can provide the speed, and these two gel their very different styles together! I could see this pairing as sweeter than chocolate and peanut butter!
JC: These two appeared absolutely dominant in their #1 contender's match at Relentless! They took everything American Storm had and had an answer for it every time!
BG: But! There's a big gap in ability between American Storm, a perfectly cromulent duo... And The Crucible! THE LONGEST-REIGNING TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF ALL-TIME!
JC: Can't argue with that, Brody. Ned and Prince are very, very good at what they do... But, if any team is going to end their streak... Aurora and Lucy Wylde might just be the team to do it!
The official calls to both sides, telling them to send whoever’s starting the match to the center of the ring!
The current, reigning UGWC Wold Champion Lucy Wylde steps forward out of the corner for the #1 contenders to the Tag-Team Title.
Meanwhile, in the other corner, Borden excitedly hops over the ropes to get to the center of the r-
Braddock spins on Borden! Seething furiously! A large forehead vein protruding from his BEET RED FOREHEAD!
…
Borden carefully steps backward through the ropes… And back onto the apron.
He grabs the tag rope, so he’s ready to g-...
BRADDOCK STARES DAGGERS AT HIS PARTNER.
…Borden sheepishly lets tag rope go.
…
Braddock taps his foot angrily and impatiently.
…Borden turns around, facing away from the ring.
Braddock storms, stomping toward the center of the ring.
JC: Braddock, clearly still miffed at his partner this Warfare… Apparently, those in the room say that Cyrus Braddock cut the single-greatest promo anyone has ever dropped in the history of wrestling itself…
BG: Unfortunately, due to Borden’s clumsiness, the microphones were unplugged at the time, so we have no way of proving the quality of that promo.
JC: Seems like Braddock would rather his ‘partner not get involved, not hold the tag rope… and not even LOOK at the ring’. Seems like Cyrus is ready to battle the #1 contenders basically by himself.
BG: Not the best strategy for most people… But, Cyrus Braddock is about as strong as three-or-four men, so don’t count him out!
Lucy Wylde bounces on her feet, ready to face the brute force of the hulking powerhouse that is Cyrus Braddock. Braddock cracks his neck, left and right, eager to bring the pain.
The official calls for the bell!
DING DING!
Stars of Combat
LUCY WYLDE AND AURORA
- vs -
CYRUS BRADDOCK AND “CAVORTIN’” JAKE BORDEN Standard Tag Match
Lucy Wydle starts circle-stepping around the ring, looking for a technical opening to start thi-
In a sudden burst of speed, Braddock storms forward, right arm extended, looking for a decapitating clothesline!
JC: Surprising quickness from Cyrus Braddock! He leaps off the starting line and might be trying to end this match in ONE STRIKE!
Braddock charges!
But Lucy ducks under! Braddock tries to keep the attack going, running through and bouncing off the ropes… As Lucy spins…
INTO A SPINNING HEEL KICK, catching Braddock straight on the schnozz!
Braddock almost whiplash, falling back into the ropes! But the massive behemoth keeps his footing!
JC: Wow! What-a-manuever from the UGWC World Champion, she pulled that martial arts kick out like with accuracy and precision! Like she’s done it all her life!
BG: Probably because she has, Jacko! But, look at Braddock! I think most competitors would be down for the count after a kick like that, Braddock wasn’t even taken off his feet!
Braddock shakes off the damage, stampeding forward as Wylde backpedals against the ropes! She bounds off of them! Braddock carefully aims for another home-run clothesline…
Wylde ducks… And keeps running! She bounds off the ropes again…
Braddock, without completely turning his body, reels back elbow…
Lucy comes off the ropes…
BRADDOCK SWINGS HIS ELBOW WITH FULL ROTATION TO DECAPITATE THE UGWC CHAMPION!
…
But Wylde narrowly ducks again… continuing to build up speed!
JC: Jimmy Stars has to be thankful Wylde dodged that one… If that elbow connected, Wylde would have ended up about a foot shorter!
BG: She keeps running, Jack! But, Braddock keeps coming! How much longer can she dip, dodge and dive outta the way here before Cyrus catches her?
Braddock’s footing is out of position after that attempt at a knockout strike… He swivels to recover, ready for Wylde to run back at him…
But instead, Wylde leaps…
Springs to the middle rope!
Springboards off!
SPRINGBOARD LEG LARIAT catching Braddock straight across the throat! Braddock drops onto his back down to the mat!
JC: Another incredible strike from Lucy Wylde! And this one DOES drop Braddock off his feet!
Wylde starfish kip-ups from her back onto her feet, seeking to exploit this opening on her much larger opponent…
But Braddock SHOVES himself off the mat back to a vertical base, rising at the same time as Wylde.
BG: Impressive kick! But, it looks like all it did was piss Braddock off!
Before Wylde can sprint off again out of Braddock’s reach, Braddock snatches her in a sideheadlock and SMASHES his forearm into Wylde’s back, dropping the UGWC champion to the mat!
Wylde clearly looks dazed after that strike, as Braddock grabs her by the back of her tights, pulling her to her feet, then scooping her into sidewalk slam position!
JC: Uh oh! Lucy Wylde in no-man’s land here…
BG: This could get gruesome!
Braddock points to the sky, signalling for a big sl-
Wylde rotates in his grip, sliding her legs around Braddock’s thick throat into a headscissors… Before sliding off his back and forward somersaulting into her corner, tagging in…
AURORA!
JC: Incredible athleticism from Lucy Wylde, escaping as she tags in her partner! Now, it’s Aurora’s turn to take a few chops at the massive redwood that is Cyrus Braddock!
Braddock spins perplexed, as if his opponent just disappeared by magic, as Aurora springs over the top rope and connects with a LEAPING FOREARM SMASH to Braddock’s face!
Braddock keeps his footing, though his legs are starting to look a little wobblier than they did at the start of the match… He bounces back off the ropes, aiming for a decapitating, MASSIVE big boot!
But Aurora narrowly ducks under, rebounding off the ropes Braddock just bounced…
By the time Braddock gets his size 22 boot back onto the mat, Aurora has already sprung off the ropes and…
RUNNING METEORA! (double knee-strike)!
Braddock gets dropped back onto his back, rolling into his corner!
Braddock haws and heaves, starting to show some wear-and-tear after this beatdown he’s been receiving at the hands of this perfectly tag-team machine…
…From behind him, an arm blindly waves… Borden, keeping his back to the action, as not to make his partner anger, offers his partner a breather…
But Braddock stares daggers into the back of Borden’s head… Until Borden sheepishly revokes his arm…
JC: Braddock again refuses to bring in help from his partner! He’s an ox, but he’s being physically dissected by the TEAM that is Aurora and Lucy Wylde!
BG: That’s the thing about oxes, though, Jacko! It just takes one trip of the matador for him to get GORED!
Aurora scrambles onto her feet… as… surprise!... The very-angry Braddock storms out of his corner!
Braddock latches Aurora into a wrist lock before pulling her forward into a two-handed choke hold, dead center of the ring!
Braddock squeezes the very life out of Aurora’s throat… Her legs kick and dangle in mid-air!
JC: Oh no! You can’t do that! Braddock breaks out an illegal choke hold against Aurora!
BG: Who’s gonna stop him, Jayce?
Aurora winces in pain… she sputters and chokes as the official leans over Braddock, starting a five-count for an illegal chokehold!
1…
2…
3…
Fo-...
Cyrus drops Aurora back to her feet… Still gripping her by the throat…
AND HEAVES HER BACK INTO THE AIR!
JC: Braddock drops his opponent just long enough to not get disqualified, then resumes the choke! Absolutely nefarious!
BG: You mean, smart, JC! You wanna win a match two-on-one? Ya gotta use every trick in the book to level the playing field!
The official chides Braddock for a second, subsequent illegal choke, starting another five count for him to break the h-
But, as Braddock lifts, Aurora swings her leg… Catching Braddock with a knee strike straight to the side of the ribs!
Braddock drops to a knee, sucking in air after that calculated strike… Aurora’s feet touch the ground, and she turns away from Braddock, toward her corner…
JC: Aurora narrowly escaping Braddock’s chokehold… If she can get back to the corner, Braddock is stuck against the dynamo that is Lucy Wylde!
BG: But ya gotta know, Cyrus Braddock won’t let that happen! He smells blood in the water and he ain’t letting his prey go!
Braddock springs forward, trying to stop Aurora from tagging back o-
Aurora backflips! PELE KICK straight to the face of the charging Cyrus Braddock, dropping him to one knee!
Aurora scrambles across the mat to her partner, tagging in Lucy Wylde…
Braddock, now clearly winded, tries to shove himself up to his feet once more…
As both #1 contenders to the XWF Tag-Team Titles step outta their corner…
AND DELIVER…
SUPERKICKS IN STEREOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
The simultaneous superkicks STRIKE against Braddock's skull! He collapses back into the corner, his head lands HARD against the bottom turnbuckle…
At the loud thud of the massive Braddock hitting the mat… Borden turns around… and is shocked!
JC: What a devastating strike from the #1 contenders to the XWF Tag-Team Titles! Cyrus Braddock looks down!
BG: But not out!
…Braddock reaches his arms to… muscle his way back onto his feet…
…
Ooof, but he’s looking spent there in the corner.
BG: …Okay, maybe out. Call this one over
With Braddock semi-unconscious from the beating, "Cavortin'" Jake Borden looks around nervously.
JC: But, what’s this? Jake Borden still has yet to enter this match!
BG: And why would he? What’s he gonna do that Cyrus Braddock couldn’t?!?
Realizing… THIS is his moment, Borden grabs the tag rope…
And he slaps Braddock on the shoulder, tagging himself in!
Jake leaps over the ropes, excited but clearly nervous. Wylde and Aurora look at each other in their corner, before Aurora tags herself back in, having caught her breath back after Braddock’s illegal choke!
JC: Aurora offering to handle this unknown! She is a very calculating competitor, she might figure she can work out the unknown variable that is the debuting “Cavortin’” Jake Borden in real-time!
Aurora steps out of the corner, looking for a collar-and-elbow-tie-up…
And is surprised when Borden gets cavortin’, diving on top of her with a Lou Thesz Press!
JC: Whoa! What a throwback! I haven’t seen a Lou Thesz Press since… jeez, it’s been a while!
BG: How the hell did it get Aurora, then!
JC: It’s possible Aurora genuinely hasn’t had to counter this classic move in her career! It’s a little… old-fashioned!
Aurora is shocked onto her back, as Borden follows up the surprise with a couple quick forearm smashes!
As Aurora recovers from the initial shock of Borden’s throwback attack, Borden scampers onto the apron, up to the top turnbuckle…
Aurora slowly rises rolls forward, clearly trying to escape a Moonsault or Shooting Star Press from this unknown newcomer…
And gets caught off-guard when Jake instead leaps almost straight up-and-down, dropping a double axehandle straight onto Aurora’s skull!
BG: WHAT!?!
JC: Another surprising miscalculation by Aurora! She was ready to counter something in the high-flying, lucha libre family… And was surprised by Jake Borden pulling another move out of the playbook covered in cobwebs! A DOUBLE AXEHANDLE!
Jake shakes his fist, beckoning Aurora to keep coming at him…
Aurora rubs the migraine brewing in her skull after that double axe-handle, before crisply backward-rolling into her corner, and tagging her partner back in!
Jake’s face contorts in awe and wonder at Aurora’s acrobatic maneuver!
JC: Oh my! Looks like it’s Jake’s turn to be surprised, this time by Aurora’s deft athleticism!
As Jake shakes off that momentary sense of euphoria that comes with seeing a wrestling move you didn’t know was possible, (like a ‘backward somersault’)...
Wylde springs over the top rope… Jake tries to catch her with the newest move of 1972… A discus clothesline!
…But, Wylde ducks under Borden’s spinning clothesline… turning into a handspring!
Jake is astonished, his mind blown wide open at the idea of doing a handspring in the ring!
Wylde bounces off the ropes! Flipping in midair!
With a heel kick that catches Borden’s stupefied gob, smacking him down to the mat!
Borden clumsily backward-rolls into his corner, trying the move he just saw Aurora elegantly pull off, though not with quite the technical precision that comes with practice and mastery…
As Wylde hops back to her corner to tag Aurora…
Borden scrambles out of the corner…
As Aurora runs to meet him!
Borden looks for a running strike… but Aurora hits the mat, baseball sliding between his legs… And catching with a sliding calf kick dropping Borden to one knee!
…Borden seems in equal parts damaged by Aurora’s calf attack and absolutely gobsmacked as to how she just pulled it off. As if the poor Georgia yokel was trying to figure out how a stage magician knew what card he had pulled from the deck.
Before he can come to any conclusion, Wylde springs out of the corner, toward the downed and mesmerized Borden… Before dropping him with a…
WYLDE LIBERATION (RKO), planting him face-first into the canvas.
BG: TAKE THAT, you dumb IDIOT!
JC: I’m sure Jake’d be thoroughly impressed by that manuever! …If he was still conscious!
Wylde circles the pin as Aurora, the legal woman, climbs over the overwhelmed Borden and hooks the leg!
The official counts!
1…
2…
THREE!
WINNERS: AURORA AND LUCY WYLDE
The Stars of Combat have their arms raised by the official in victory!
As Braddock and Borden separately lie on the mat, counting rafters above them!
JC: Count a loss for Cyrus Braddock and “Cavortin’” Jake Borden! While they didn’t get the result they were looking for, not a bad showing from either individual man!
BG: I mean, I hated Borden…
JC: But! They were two individuals throughout! And as such, they could not withstand the dynamite teamwork on display between Aurora and Lucy Wylde, The Stars of Combat!
BG: But, Jacko! You think they can end the ALL-TIME LONGEST TAG-TITLE REIGN IN XWF HISTORY! Do you think these two can beat the Crucible?
JC: I don’t know, Brody! But I can’t wait to find out when they meet in the ring!
JC: Coming up next on Warfare, the Television title is on the line as Mastermind returns to Warfare to challenge the champion!
BG: It remains to be seen if there's even a champion, Jacuinde!
JC: We’ve heard the rumblings, we've heard the rumors about the champion’s departure!
RA: The following contest is Street Fight with a 15-minute time limit for the XWF Television Championship!
RA: Introducing the challenger, from Wellington, New Zealand weighing 200 pounds… MMMMMMASTERRRRRMIIIIIIND!
A figure emerges from the back, wearing a black hooded sweatshirt. HIs hood, obscuring his down-turned visage.
He stands defiantly at the top of the ramp.
As his signature song continues to hit this is my Brutality he takes off his hood to reveal himself to be Mastermind, and he walks to the ring, alone.
JC: Mastermind! No stranger to the XWF Television title!
BG: Once upon a time that title was his precious!
JC: No doubt, Brody! He held the Television Title in 2019 for 129 days! And, at the time, was the #1 rated ELO star in the XWF! If Mastermind is making one last run to establish his legacy in the XWF? Ending the champ’s half-year-long TV Title run would certainly do that!
The cameras catch up backstage with a bearded (shocking, I know) Thaddeus Duke. Dressed in a suit, no tie with the collar open, he approaches the talent entrance and opens the door, before stepping through.
JC: Thad Duke, former executive director of Warfare and new CFO, COO and CCO of the XWF!
BG: Where the hell is he going!?
JC: Where's the champion!?
Moments later, Thaddeus Duke steps back inside the facility with the Television title in hand. Cameras follow as Thad makes his way through the backstage.
JC: There's the title, but clearly no champion!
BG: It looks like he's coming this way!
After a bit of a pop, though a confused one, from the Universe, Thad Duke advances through the Pryce Position and out into the arena. With the TV title slung over his shoulder, Thad makes his way down the aisle, slaps a few hands on his way, climbs the steps and through the ropes into the ring where Rochelle Adams, ring announcer extraordinaire, hands her mic to the new XWF boss.
”There is nothing I won't do for this company, and proof of that is me standing here in a suit rather than my ring gear,” Thad begins.
The Universe gives Thad a pop mixed with applause.
”You see, in my former position as executive director of Warfare and my current positions in the big chair vacated by my uncle Theo Pryce…”
Another pop, followed by a quick THANK YOU THEO chant. Thad smiles before continuing on.
”My goal has always been to bolster this roster,” he pauses as he begins to pace a little. ”For the last few weeks I have done nothing but take meeting after meeting with talent after talent, some already on this roster, some not yet…”
”People can bitch, moan and complain all they want to, but it is time once again to add to this roster for War Games, and we've done that.”
Mild pop.
”I will never apologize for putting the best interest of this company ahead of a single member of its roster. They can paint me as the villain they so desperately want me to be, but it doesn't matter in the end because he and I both know that I've done nothing but try and help him see his vision through.”
”So let's address the elephant in the room,” Thad says as he turns his attention to Mastermind.
”Are you wearing lifts? You're a lot taller now.”
JC: Wrestling is a wild industry.
”As Mike Tomlin is so fond of saying, we want volunteers, not hostages. The former champion can future endeavor himself all he wants but I'm under no obligation to give him any XWF air time so, here's the deal.”
”The winner of this match via forfeit, and your new XWF Television champion… Mastermind.”
JC: Whoa! What?!? Is that for real?!?
BG: Well, hang on, we don't know until th-
WINNER VIA FORFEIT AND NEW XWF TELEViSION CHAMPION: MASTERMIND
BG: ...Okay, yeah, it's real!
Before the Kiwi can even react to this news, Thad hands the title over to Mastermind and quickly starts to make his exit.
JC: Astonishing!
BG: Thad, clearly taking a cue from his Unc Theo and making a pragmatic business decision. If the Champ doesn’t want to be here, why write him a check for an appearance fee?
The audience is perplexed, dumbfounded… As Mastermind looks down at the belt… Before slinging it over his shoulder, to a pop from chunks of the crowd.
JC: …Well, I’m sure it’s not the way he pictured it… And maybe not the way he would have preferred it happened…
BG: Whaddya TALKING about, Jacko? GOLD is GOLD! And Mastermind… XWF TRIPLE CROWN CHAMPION… Just added yet another title to his impressive resume!
The camera cuts backstage to Steve Sayors standing by with a mic in hand.
Steve Sayors: "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my guest at this time... Buuulk Logan!"
The crowd pops as the camera pulls back to reveal Bulk Logan towering over Sayors in his classic yellow and red spandex, yellow shades, and signature bandana. Bulk flexes his 24-inch pythons, drawing an even bigger pop from the fans.
Bulk Logan: "WHOA! Peeved Steve, let me tell ya somethin’, brother! I just walked outta Principal Pete’s office, and man, we had ourselves a REAL GOOD meeting, dude! We talked business, we talked ratings, and most importantly—we talked TV TITLE, BROTHER!"
Bulk adjusts his shades, pulling them down just enough to make eye contact with the camera.
Bulk Logan: "Now, everyone out there knows that the TV title is MY turf, brother. When I carried the title, brother—I put the VISION in TELEVISION, man! Ever since the days of WPW, when Bulkamania ran wild all over those TV waves, the people watching at home have always known who the REAL STAR is, JACK!"
He pauses, pointing at the camera.
Bulk Logan: "But recently, Peeved Steve, somethin' hasn’t been right, brother. Principal Pete told me, 'Bulk, we got a situation on our hands, dude.' Y'see, under Jason Cashe’s reign, things have gotten a little... how should I say this, brother… STALE, man. The TV title division has been as exciting as a Sunday morning rerun, brother!"
The crowd gives a mixed reaction, respecting Cashe but loving Bulk's charisma.
Bulk Logan: "And now, we got a new champ in Mastermind. I ain't taking anything away from him, brother. The dude’s like a puzzle no one can solve, brother. But Principal Pete said, 'Bulk, the TV champion needs a REAL challenge! The division needs a REAL star—it needs someone who's larger than life! And who better than the Bulkster, brother!?"
Bulk Logan cups his ear to the camera as the fans begin to turn on his hokey act—but Bulk ignores the growing mixed reaction.
Bulk Logan: "That’s right, brother! Mastermind might be the TV champ now, but he's about to get the challenge of a lifetime, dude. At War Games, I’m comin’ for that TV title, Jack! And Mastermind better be ready for the power of BULKAMANIA to run wild on him–AND HIS MIND GAMES–BROTHER! I’m talkin’ heavy hands, Big Boot—Leg Drop of GLOOM, dude! I'm gonna break the body to conquer the mind, brother!"
Sayors, doing his best to keep a straight face, raises the mic for another question.
Peeved Steve: "So, to put all of this together—what you're saying, Bulk, is that you're officially challenging Mastermind for the Television Title at War Games?"
Bulk stops pacing and turns back to Steve with a big grin on his face.
Bulk Logan: "Challenging!? No-way, dude! What I’m doing is caling my shot, brother! Mastermind may think he’s the master of mind games, but there’s no game, no trick, no puzzle that can stop the BULKSTER, DUDE! At War Games, the whole world’s gonna see why I’m the star that keeps the TV division alive, brother! Bulkamania’s back—RUNNING WILD—FULL STEAM AHEAD—and I’m gonna bring that title where it belongs—around the waist of the REAL AMERICAN, JACK!"
Bulk flexes one more time before pointing at the camera.
Bulk Logan: "Mastermind, at War Games, the TV division's gettin’ a wake-up call, and I’m comin’ to take back what’s mine! Your days with that title are numbered, dude—enjoy them while you can!"
Steve shakes his head, giving the camera a look of mild exasperation.
Peeved Steve: "You heard it here, folks. Bulk Logan vs. Mastermind for the TV Title at War Games. It’s... well, it’s happening!"
Peeved Steve steps aside as the camera lingers on Bulk, who’s still posing...
BG: The importance of this, our final match of the evening, cannot be overstated!
JC: That’s right! This one is put up or shut up time for Misty Waters. Misty has defended the hell out of that XTreme championship in record time, and tonight, if she survives this contest, she walks away with a 24/7 briefcase!
BG: But this is no minor task. Tonight, she faces two…
JC: Whaddya mean, TWO? This is gonna be a two-on-one handicap match for all intents and purposes! Misty is in there with her MAGA Powers cohort Madison Dyson.
BG: She is! But social media has been abuzz with speculation over whether Madison Dyson can truly be trusted. She promised Misty she’d have her back against Jonathan Bacchus.
JC: I guess we just have to take her at her word.
BG: Maybe, but how much is Madison Dyson’s word worth? We’re about to find out!
The camera focuses on the stage as the lights cut and “The Gnashing” by Deafheaven begins to play over the P.A. The guitar seems to shimmer over the crowd as muffled as white lights flash like sparks around the floor. A name appears on the tron: Jonathan Bacchus.
Buried secrets, mythic meanings
In a tender ocean spilling
The crowd gives an appreciative pop as the out from behind the curtain walks Jonathan Bacchus, dressed in all black with a peacoat over a turtleneck and combat pants bloused into his Louboutin sneakers. He wears a white Thalia mask over his face, his hair hanging down over the top.
A leaking thimble flowing fragile
Oozing tension into blue
He marches down deliberately, his eyes on the ring. On the ramp, he removes the Thalia mask and flicks it casually over his shoulder into the crowd. Stitches can be seen on his face – under his chin and across his hairline – as the remnants of his ugly Tai-Pei Deathmatch at the beginning of the month.
ANNOUNCER: Making his way to the ring, from Oakland, California and weighing in at 205 lbs… he is “The Insurgent” – JONATHAN! BACCHUS!
Hear these howls hurling our present
I know what this costs us
At the base of the ring, Bacchus turns to the stairs and climbs them to the turnbuckle. With a single clean vault, he launches himself over the top rope and turns to land on the middle rope inside the ring, his peacoat seeming not to hamper his movement. As his theme song explodes into the chorus, he throws his head back and arms out, the lights flashing bright white and the audience roaring appreciatively!
Hear these howls, embrace the Gnashing
A small smirk creeps over his face as he looks around at them – yet an intensity remains in his eyes. He takes a moment to blow a few kisses to nobody in particular.
I know what this costs us
I know it’s exhausting you
He removes his peacoat and drops it to the outside before pulling his turtleneck over his head. He whips this into the crowd before dropping down to the mat, circling the ring before taking back to his corner and reclining in it.
JC: Bacchus looking confident despite the predicament.
Pomp and Circumstance fills the stadium from the loud speakers. Under the XTron, Misty Waters wastes little time making her way to the entrance ramp. She's wearing a luxurious blue fur robe, lined with red and white tassels. She has a read bandana tied around her skull, keeping her red wig in place, and a pair of single-lensed sunglasses covering her eyes. She points at the entrance way where Madison Dyson pops out, already pointing at Bacchus in the ring and shit talking! Misty hops onto the apron, stands, and points a single finger in the air, looking back at the crowd. She steps through the ropes, both hands in the air motioning for noise as she does a slow spin in the center of the ring, then climbs the turnbuckle and points with both hands up to the ceiling. Meanwhile Madison slides under the bottom rope, still jawing and glaring at Johnny Bacchus as she gets to a standing position and goes to the opposite corner.
ANNOUNCER: Making their way to the ring way to the ring, weighing in at “Not fucking fat” and hailing from the U.S. of goddamn A….Xtreme champion Misty Waters and Madison Dyson…the MAGA POWERS!
The capacity crowd is clearly pumped to see this match get underway, and when the bell rings the carnage begins! Bacchus drops into a cautious fighting stance, eyeing Misty and Madison warily. Misty and Madison exchange a glance, and they both pounce on The Rascal King!
Johnny just manages to drip up Madison with a drop toe hold, but Misty is on him thanks to the distraction, raining down a series of chaotic punches. Bacchus gets his guard up and slides back, but Madison is already to her feet. Misty and Madison confer with each other and they both circle around Johnny now, eyeing him up with a predatory gleam in their eyes. Misty shoots out with a kick to Johnny’s midsection while Madison goes for a punch. Johnny blocks Misty’s kick but not the blow from Madison and before long he’s forced into the corner as both women start landing a flurry of blows on him.
JC: And the fix is in! The MAGA Powers acting as a unit here tonight!
But Johnny is a fighter! And eventually he’s just able to grab the back of Misty’s head and bounce her skull off the top turnbuckle. Madison creeps into the void and grabs hold of Johnny, whipping him into the opposite turnbuckle. But as Madison runs after him Johnny puts on the breaks and nails Madison with a lightning fast enzugiri! Madison gets dropped and Bacchus rolls out of the ring, looking to assess the situation and give himself a breather.
JC: Wise move on the part of the Rascal King. He’s gonna have to play this smart as a whip if he wants to win. It looks like the MAGA Powers are on the same page here tonight.
BG: Win?!? With the MAGA Powers united against a common enemy, he’ll be lucky to SURVIVE!
Meanwhile the MAGA Powers rally in the ring and go to opposite sides when they exit, the better to corner Bacchus in. Seeing this, Bacchus then gestures for a fan to get out of the way and grabs his chair! With the equalizer in hand, Bacchus calls out for them to make their move. So, naturally, both Misty and Madison reach under the ring and pull out chairs too!
BG: This doesn’t look good!
The MAGA Powers advance on Johnny, and he takes a few wild swings to keep them at bay. But before long, after dodging an errant swing from Misty Madison gets a shot in on Johnny’s leg! Johnny stumbles and Misty levels a shot at Johnny’s head. But Johnny blocks that chair shot with his own just in time. The reverberation causes Misty to drop her chair, but Madison just goes in to gut check Johnny with the edge of her chair, but Johnny dodges and lands a chair shot of his own across Madison’s back!
Madison cries out in pain and stumbles away, dropping her chair. Misty goes to pick up her chair but is forced to roll out of the way of a shot from Johnny instead. Now, Bacchus is standing tall in the ring as the only one with a chair as Misty and Madison roll to the outside to strategize.
JC: Bacchus standing tall against the MAGA Powers!
BG: But for how long! You know the numbers game is going to continue to work against him!
The MAGA Powers look deep in thought as Johnny beckons them back in the ring, clapping his chair on the canvas to taunt them. Finally, the ladies get back in the ring, one on either side. They both rush Johnny, with Misty going high and Madison going low with a chop block. Misty gets cracked in the torso with the chair but Madison’s chop block succeeds dropping Bacchus to one leg. Madison immediately follows it up with a stiff kick to the side of Johnny’s head, and then another. Johnny drops the chair and Madison grapples him up and shoots him into the corner. Madison goes down on all fours and Misty takes a running leap off Madison’s back into a big splash, followed by a bulldog takedown back into the center of the ring. Misty covers!
1….
2…NO! Big kickout by Bacchus!
Misty rolls off Bacchus and Madison immediately sets in to stomping on her opponent. Now its Bacchus turn to roll out of the ring to safety, leaving the MAGA Powers within. Bacchus circles the ring, looking for an opening, any opening at all.
Finally, Bacchus takes a chance and slides in, immediately shooting to his feet and hitting a double leg takedown on Madison. But Misty floats in and hits a swinging neckbreaker on Johnny. The MAGA Powers, both upright, then drag Johnny to his feet and hit a double vertical suplex on him. Then, they latch on and hit it again! Misty then rolls on top of Johnny to make another cover!
1…
2….NOPE! Bacchus again with a determined kickout!
JC: Johnny with back to back kickouts here proving his mettle.
Misty pulls Bacchus up once more, but this time he swats her hands away and starts laying into her with a series of closed fists! Seeing this, Madison comes to her partner’s aid, but Bacchus is able to fight her off with a back kick to the abdomen!
Bacchus shoots Misty into the ropes and nails her with a shotgun dropkick on the rebound. Then, he continues working Misty over by picking her up and driving her home with a DDT on his chair discarded from earlier!
Bacchus covers Misty!
1….
2….NO! Madison breaks up the pin!
JC: And there’s the numbers game again, Madison Dyson makes the save!
Bacchus is looking more than a bit frustrated with the chicanery of the MAGA Powers now. Bacchus palm slams Madison’s face to get her to back off and gets vertical. He pulls Misty up and lands a Muy Thai elbow strike to her face, followed by a quick scoop slam. Madison grapples him from behind and Bacchus shoots a couple elbows into her face to get her off of him, and turns his attention to her. Bacchus grapples Madison and pushes her against the ropes before irish whipping her hard into the corner. Madison slingshots out of the corner and into a waiting lariat from Bacchus.
But Misty is back up and waiting! She nails Bacchus with a spinning back fist just as soon as he turns to her. Misty then springboards off the ropes and hits Johnny with the Ode to Pomp (springboard European uppercut)! Bacchus goes down and Misty rolls him up!
1….
2….
3…NO! Another kickout from Johnny!
Johnny pushes Misty off of him with a vengeance, clearly fired up from all this double teaming. But that still doesn’t change the odds as Madison dives in after the three count break to land an elbow drop on the challenger. Misty then lands her own elbow drop on Bacchus, followed by another from Madison! Madison then says something inaudible to Misty, but Misty nods and they both grab Bacchus and drag him to center ring. Misty then goes topside to the top turnbuckle and hits a moonsault! Misty covers again!
1….
2….
3…STILL NO! Bacchus resolve is incredible!
BG: Jonathan Bacchus not showing an OUNCE of quit in this match!
JC: But the tank’s gotta be running out. How long can he hold out?
Misty and Madison pick Johnny up once more, but Bacchus surprises Misty with a chop to the throat! Madison levels a punch at Johnny, but he blocks and nails her with an uppercut, followed by another. He then boots Madison in the stomach and sets her up for….the DEAD BITCH WALKIN’??!!
BG: WHOA!!! Johnny reserves that treatment for the people he has the utmost scorn for!
JC: Oh he hates him some Madison Dyson that’s for damn sure!
He drills Madison with her own finisher! Unbelievable! He covers Madison!
1….
2….
3…NOOOOOOO! Misty breaks up the count with a fraction of a second to spare!
BG: OH MY GOD! A microsecond at most!
With Madison down for now, it’s just Bacchus and Waters! Both get to their feet and Misty goes for a chop, followed by a chop from Bacchus! They both trade chops until things get more violent into punches once more. Bacchus is finally able to stun Misty long enough to pick up his chair again and CRACK IT UPSIDE MISTY’S SKULL! Bacchus then drags Misty into the corner and mounts the opposite turnbuckle himself. He takes flight into THE GREAT LEAP FORWARD! Huge pop from the crowd for this dynamic move! Bacchus drags Misty into the center of the ring and covers her!
1….
2….
3….MY GOD HOW CLOSE! Madison bashes Bacchus on the back of the head to break up the cover!
JC: Madison told Misty she had her back and she’s proving her worth here, saving Misty from another cover!
Madison gets up, still looking a little woozy from eating her own finisher. Bacchus gets up as well, chair in hand again. He takes a swing at Madison and cracks her across the skull too! Misty gets up and eats ANOTHER CHAIR SHOT! Bacchus is looking solidly in control now! He drags Misty up to her feet, hits the gutwrench into a TRAGEDY AT BUFFALO!
BG: OH MY GOD! THIS IS IT! THIS IS IT!
JC: Johnny’s got her!
But wait! Madison comes from behind and chops Bacchus knee out from under him! Both Bacchus and Misty tumble to the canvas, Bacchus not getting the move in fully! Now, Madison grabs one of the chairs and starts laying into Bacchus with it!
SMASH!
SMASH!
SMASH!
Bacchus, out of desperation, rolls out of the ring!
JC: Oh I don’t know if my heart can take this! So many twists and turns! Bacchus had Misty in his clutches but Madison saved her again and set to work on Johnny with that steel chair.
But, Madison is dogged and she rolls out after him, chasing him with that chair. She chases him all the way to the announce position. Bacchus wheels around just as Madison raises the chair to clap him again, but Bacchus kicks her in the gut, and then knees her in the face, dropping her. Bacchus leans up against the announce table, trying to rally after suffering all those chair shots.
That’s when Misty rolls out of the ring, and then proceeds to dig under it, finally pulling out a ladder! She carries the ladder over to Bacchus and throws it at him, nailing him in the chest. Then, she picks the ladder up and props it up, before scooping Bacchus up and rolling him onto the announce table! Misty starts climbing the ladder!
BG: Misty Waters going high rent!
JC: This might be what she has to do to end Johnny Bacchus once and for all!
BG: I suggest we move!
JC: Not a bad idea!
The announce team scrambles out from behind the desk. Meanwhile, Madison, back on her feet, takes hold of Johnny by the chin and starts clubbing him with forearm strikes, before gesturing for Misty to finish the job!
Misty points down at Bacchus and takes flight! She lands on her opponent with a Senton splash, shattering the announce table everywhere and sending both of them straight to hell!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
JC: My sentiments exactly!
BG: Our table has been shattered! Misty and Johnny have been shattered!
The fans voice their approval for Misty’s extreme antics. Misty drapes a hand over Bacchus prone body as Madison screams at the ref to start counting!
1…..
2………
3…………….
……NOOOOOOOOOOO! BACCHUS LIVES ON!
BG: HOLY HELL! How did he kick out?!!
MIsty and Madison both look astonished. MIsty lays back down, running a hand over her sweat drenched scalp, no doubt wondering what will put this man away! Just then, Madison calls out to Misty as she pulls something out of her tights.
It’s a pair of brass knuckles!
JC: Another equalizer enters the game!
Madison slips them on as Misty staggers out from the wreckage of the announce table. The MAGA Powers pull Johnny up and Misty holds his arms behind him as Madison winds up for a shot with the knucks. Madison goes to clock Johnny…
….but he slips out just in time!
And Madison stops mere inches from Misty’s face before she puts on the breaks!
BG: OHHH! So close to a catastrophic error there!
JC: Misty gotta be breathing a sigh of relief.
Misty, eyes wide, looks at how close she was to devastation!
But, using the distraction, Bacchus gets behind Madison and german suplexes her onto the floor. But Johnny doesn’t follow up, he’s too wracked with pain! MIsty, seeing this, takes hold of the ladder again and drives it down on top of Johnny! Johnny buckles under the pain. Misty calls to the crowd and goes to hit him again, but Johnny is suddenly able to dart out of the way! He goes to the ring apron, pulling himself up. Misty throws the ladder at him again but he ducks! Misty lunges at Bacchus with a kick. Bacchus is doubled over! Misty DDT’s him onto the floor! She takes a breather, also feeling the effects of that high impact move. And that’s when she spies Madison and her brass knuckles! She walks over to Madison and asks for the knucks! Madison obliges and gives them to her. Then, Misty goes back to Bacchus, intent on reigning down hell on him when….BACCHUS SUPRISES HER WITH A ROLL UP!
1…..
2……
3……NOOOOOOO! Misty kicks out!
Misty looks agog that her opponent still had that much life left in him! Nevertheless, she gets up and pulls Bacchus up with her. She goes to level him with the knucks….but Bacchus ducks the blow and Misty punches the ring post instead! She recoils, shaking her hand in pain!
Meanwhile, Madison is back up. She reaches back into the ring for a steel chair!
But Bacchus also has a trick up his sleeve. He too reaches under the ring and grabs his patented rainbow colored baseball bat!!
Everyone is now armed to the gills!
JC: It’s a Mexican stand off! Who’s gonna pull the trigger first?!
Misty swings for the fences with her brass knucks…
Bacchus barely, desperately ducks under the punch and catches Misty in the ribs with his baseball bat!
But the moment Bacchus connects, Madison raises her chair aaaaaaaaand… WITH A THUNDEROUS KERACK BREAKS BACCHUS’ SKULL WIDE OPEN!
Misty drops to one knee, cradling her agonized sternum… And Bacchus collapses flat onto his back, his face is a streaming, crimson mask… The bat drops from his hands onto the floor outside the ring…
JC: It’s the same story all match! Bacchus fights with everything he’s got, but he just can’t overcome the damn numbers game here!
Madison collapses onto her ass, exhausted by the hellacious onslaught that this match has been… She leans over and screams at Misty to finish it…
Misty slowly struggles to rise to her feet… she grabs Bacchus by the scruff of the neck, scooping him up and rolling him into the ring…
BG: Misty Waters, deciding to end Bacchus’s fight ONCE and FOR ALL!
Bacchus rolls to the center… As Misty slowly strains herself onto the apron, slowly climbing the top rope…
Madison points to the top rope, giving this historic moment an appropriate flair…
…But, behind Dyson, behind the front row…
Two masked figures, donning black turtlenecks and combat pants, leap over the railing!
JC: What’s this? Two men! Wearing… Comedy and Tragedy Theatre masks! Have just emerged from the crowd and have entered the action!
BG: What is this, a flash mob?!? Where the Hell is security?!?
Tragedy is carrying a bag of something heavy in his hands, as Comedy creeps along the side of the ring behind Dyson…
Madison hears commotion behind here and spins ar-
CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL FROM COMEDY! DYSON IS STRUCK SO HARD, SHE FLIPS IN MIDAIR LANDING ON HER BACK!
BG: This crowd can feel it! MISTY MADNESS! MISTY WATERS IS GOING TO WIN A 24/7 BRIEFCASE! AND BE CROWNED THE NEXT UNIVERSAL CHAMPION!
Meanwhile, Misty lines it up… She points to the sky!
SHE LEAPS!
MISTY MADNESS ELBOW DROP DIRECTLY ONTO BACCHUS’S THROAT!
Misty’s arm is covered in Bacchus’s blood, as she exhaustedly lies ontop of the Insurgent!
The official slides across the ring into position!
He counts!
One!
Two!
THREEEEEEEEEE!
…
……
The crowd finishes the count for the official, who has been pulled out of the ring by “Comedy”!
JC: Interference! Without interruption, that move surely would have won Misty the match AND the briefcase!
BG: STOP THE STEAL! STOP THE STEAL!
Misty is barely clinging onto conscious… She raises a single arm from the mat, thinking she’s survived and WON this absolute war!
As “Tragedy” slides under the bottom rope, wielding his bag…
Misty starts to slowly rise up, looking to be handed back her belt…
As “Tragedy” swings his bag around his arm like a slingshot…
Misty is back on her feet…
Just as…..
CONK! “Tragedy” WHIPS whatever is in his bag straight into Misty’s SKULL! The Avatar of Misty Madness drops to the mat… split wide open!
“Tragedy”’s bag breaks open… And we can what was inside the bag!
A CAN OF SOUP! COVERED IN MISTY WATERS’ BLOOD!
BG: SOUP!
JC: Soup for his family?!?
“Tragedy” rolls Bacchus’s semi-conscious body ontop of Misty…
As “Comedy” rolls the official back into the ring!
JC: Unbelievable! I don’t know who these two men are, but they’re securing the X-Treme title for Bacchus!
BG: Not if Madison Dyson has anything to say about it!
Indeed, while “Comedy” claps for the official who slowly crawls into position to count the pin…
Dyson, from the floor, reaches for…
Bacchus’s rainbow baseball bat!
BG: Oh my God! Dyson reaches for a weapon of inclusion!
JC: Desperate times call for desperate measures!
WHACK! Dyson from the floor catches “Comedy” right in the side of the knee with her bat! “Comedy” drops to the floor, cradling his leg!
The official counts!
1!
Dyson slides under the bottom rope! “Tragedy” charges at her, blocking the pin attempt!
But she catches him in the ribs!
2!
Dyson reels back her bat as “Tragedy” collapses to one knee!
…
……
But “Comedy” grabs her by the ankle from the outside!
AS “TRAGEDY BIG BOOTS DYSON OVER THE TOP ROPE!
THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
WINNER AND NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW X-TREME CHAMPION: JOHNNY BACCHUS!
Bacchus’s saviors (and partners-in-crime?) scoop him off the mat, as he exhaustedly heaves, still breathing after the absolute carnage that was the main event!
BG: What a THEFT! WHAT A TRAVESTY! I CHANTED STOP THE STEAL AND IT DID NOTHING!
JC: No disqualifications in X-Treme Rules, Brody! Madison and Misty played the numbers game all match… Turnabout is fairplay when a two-on-one suddenly becomes a two-on-three!
The two help secure the belt from the timekeeper around Bacchus’ waist as Bacchus finds the strength to keeps his footing…
The three stand side-by-side!
As “Comedy” and “Tragedy” unmask…
JC: Hey, that’s David Doe and Teddy Goodson!
BG: Of course! Those spineless antifa scum stealing the job of ‘X-Treme champion’ from a hardworking American champ like Misty Waters!
The three bow, as if concluding a magnificent performance… And Bacchus raises the belt over his head!
As the screen fades to black…
SPECIAL THANKS TO...
Misty Waters
Peter Principle
Thaddeus Duke
Madison Dyson
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